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Guys insights needed!

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  • Guys insights needed!

    My BF moved 5 hours away from where I live because he moved to another employer (an obvious necessity). He's been coming over to be with me every Friday night and goes back to his new place on Sundays, for two weeks now. Once he arrives, it would be a "missing each other" episode and it is pretty intense. We would then go out and have dinner, then play billiards and then cuddle all night. During Saturday mornings, we'd tease each other and cuddle some more, then go out for breakfast and if the weather is good, we go to the park, walk, chase each other or play in the swing like kids do. We are both 30 years old and we have grown more emotionally stable since we're together. We are open with each other, but there is a part in me that tells me to hold back a little of my concerns about how I feel. I think I am afraid to come across as being overbearing to him, so I decided to consult you guys.

    We've been together for 7 months now (this includes our "getting to know you" dates plus a month of break up). But eventhough we broke up then, we still communicated after a week or two of silence. This actually laid out what we have right now. Our relationship and feelings for each other had grown even more. We felt each other's absence, most of all each other's importance/value.

    We're basically joined at the hip after we came back together. So you could tell that this temporary parting and set up is very difficult for me. I am not this clingy - I admit I have tendencies, but I can loosen up and give him space, for I have my waves, too. But this time, since we rely on calls during week days/nights, I sometimes feel anxious if he doesn't call or text me. We've discussed about this, I've told him what I need and he's been receptive and supportive. It's just me and my nutty head!

    What can I do to alleviate my irrational thoughts/emotions. I don't want to call him or text him so many times on the same night that I might appear to be so needy - I don't want to drive him away. He's already told me/reassured me that he's not looking for anybody else because he's found me, and that he loves me, and he's sticking with me for better or for worse (that's what he said last night), which really made me feel his love for me even more.

    Like tonight. I texted once and left a voice message because he's not picking up. I am just thinking now that he's so exhausted with all that driving and he needs time to himself, but gosh! I missed him so much.

    I need your "side", guys. What's (normally) in a man's mind in a situation like this?

  • Sweet, I know you want a "guys perspective" but why not have "both"?... Cause the guys will add as well, but this thread may go into the background and not be seen...

    We've discussed about this, I've told him what I need and he's been receptive and supportive. It's just me and my nutty head!

    We are emotional creatures for instance, and it's taken me years to work out that it's not a necessity, but also only a very selective , very selective few ( guys) understand the emotions of a woman and will give a little... to help eliviate those silly thoughts.

    Fact is, they will be a "man", .... and seriously? If you get them to say over and over , awe, sorry darlin, off course I love you, sure i miss you, why do you think that, your my angel, haha, etc, etc, you would have a "wimp" would you not?

    Oops i am definately a female but hey anything to bring your thread up and get you replies...

    Tis my job.

    I think?



    • When you are first attracted to someone your body is flooded with chemicals, creating a response called infatuation. It lasts anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. Once those chemicals subside you start to find out what you really have in common. If the relationship is likely to be a lasting one, you have shared interests and values, can commincate well, can tollerate each other's faults and are comfortable enough to allow each other plenty of freedom to be your selves.

      Guys don't generally need to be as "in touch" as women do. Although I've found that often if you back off they come closer. LOL - they can be rather contrary. Relax, get out with your gfs, follow some of your own interests. He sounds like he is an affectionate and caring man.


      • I called-in sick, having abdominal cramps and nausea. I'd rather rest and not be flooded with stress teaching my special students today (sometimes they drain the last bit of energy out of my system. lol). He hasn't called yet nor texted, he must be really busy - just starting to a new workplace, gotta impress the boss! He also is arranging his furniture in his apt. and no one to help him unpack and move stuff.

        Sunday night when he arrived at his place (coming from here) he teased me of how OCD I am with the packing I did with all his stuff. He told me how much he appreciates my organization, even labeled every box, he said I am indeed a keeper.

        I guess I am just venting my "nutty headed" frustration for not getting a word from him last night. I hope he calls tonight, if not, well, it should be fine, anyway he's a caveman (I call him that and he knows), for he loves to be in his cave.


        • Crazy head of mine!

          CW and WC,

          Thanks for your insights. Guys seem so slow to respond, huh. I'm glad you're both around all the time (at least most of it. lol!)

          He finally called and checked if i feel better (I cc'd him when I emailed my team leader that I am sick). Thanks to technology. I tried my very best to sound cheerful and not hurting. I am still a bit in pain but the fact that he called comforted me in a way - telling me he cares. He actually cannot go for long without calling to touch base with me. I am just a freak!

          Why are you, men so complicated? Why don't you guys just smother us women if we want you to?


          • LOL, we wouldn't find them half so facinating if they were more like women, or at least most of us wouldn't (there is the pinafore brunch but to each their own). Remember the song in My Fair Lady? Where Prof Higgins is asking why can't a woman be more like a man? Communicating with our own gender can be difficult sometimes, but that special man is worth the effort.


            • Originally posted by caterpillar79 View Post
              It's just me and my nutty head!
              No you don't have a nutty head, to me you are perfectly normal, you said it, " you miss him, whats wrong with that?
              Originally posted by caterpillar79 View Post
              Like tonight. I texted once and left a voice message because he's not picking up.
              I do believe he cares by your comments, thats the only thing I can go by. But, myself I thinking what does it take to send a simple 30 sec response to say hello and that he has gotten your text or message. I've know and seen this done by a lot of men. Personalty I'm not this way. If I really care for someone I don't feel a bit irritated by a call a text saying hello and what's up. for me its a nice reminder that she is thinking of me. Now of course this is a point of too many times in the same day. I've been in a situation tho where they just didn't get the text or message soon as you got it. My phone sometimes because of technology the notification doesn't seem to work as well as it should, just a fluke in the system is all. In less I'm in a meeting for several Hours I normally respond fairly quit to someone I care for. I consider myself a little different than the average Joe Smo.
              I need your "side", guys. What's (normally) in a man's mind in a situation like this?[/quote]

              Originally posted by caterpillar79 View Post
              I am just a freak!
              You are not a freak! It's not like you seem him everyday of the week, you just want to communicate with with him. You obviously Like or Love him very much
              Originally posted by caterpillar79 View Post

              Why are you, men so complicated? Why don't you guys just smother us women if we want you to?
              I really don't think we are all that complicated as women are. It's just a matter of knowing how one ticks. We could say everybody is complicated in one way or another, that's what makes us who we are! I love to smother my woman when I know she wants or desires it because I know that's what make her happy and if she's happy then I'm the more happy!

              Probably on this matter it's just the way he is and he's in no hurry, but I'm sorry I find that rather rude to some degree altho Like I said I believe he does care for you.
              It could be it's just the way he conducts his relationship or relaionships, a matter of fact kikd of thing.


              • I apologize for my sloppy pronunciation and bad use of pronouns on the above post, I was Dead Bone Tired when I wrote it! ...............


                • I fully understand where you're coming from, Suitcase! Right now, he's adjusting to his new environment. He's busy with work, trying to make a good impression and at the same time, dealing with errands related to having just moved in - utilities, internet, phone, etc... to include his involvement with a school string quartet group he's wanting to help develop.

                  He admits that that's his personality - doesn't need to constantly communicate, but also acknowledges my needs, and he said that he has to work on making the balance, so as to meet my needs too. It's not just about him, it's also about me - US! We already had a discussion about this and it went well. It is now a matter of "wait and see" if he does what he promised.

                  We just finished talking again tonight, after him getting my "I miss you" text. He called and we talked for 1 hr and 23 mins. He said wish that he could grab me and cuddle me, which I think is sweet.

                  Like I said, dear Suitcase, it is just a matter of understanding my complicated nature as a woman, at the same time acknowledging his qualities being a man.

                  I think he's also afraid to smother me, we tend to feel the same moods almost at the same time, you know. I once wrote a "blog" , printed it too and posted it in my room. He was able to read it: it was about my neediness and his (it's in my blog here actually). Maybe he's always being cautious to give me my freedom. I had been in an abusive and manipulative relationship, so maybe he just wants me to grow and learn to rely on myself more. What do you think?


                  • He sounds a wonderful, caring man. It sounds like the two of you are finding your balance with each other. Just kept communicating honestly without judgement and I have a feeling you will be super fine!


                    • From a guy

                      Well, couple things came to mind. Maybe he is working and cannot or does not want interuppted. I know personally, I generally do not socialize on the phone at work, texting or otherwise. Are you calling during work hours ? Another possibility is, are you calling when he is out with friends ? I know that guys are pretty tough in groups, and say things like "your whipped !" so, he may be trying to avoid a situation like that with his buddies.
                      Last edited by Little; 05-01-2009, 07:13 AM.


                      • LOL. I've heard this, the so and so is p whipped and I just say, "oh dear". He says it so scathingly. Over time he's handed me the, "I can't be in a relationship", "we're just freinds", "no woman is controlling me". I just say, "of course not", "absolutely" and back off. Then I get a call, "what's going on? I haven't heard from you!", "what did I do now?" The response is, 'nothing, I've just been busy, you know I'm always thinking about you." I leave the titles and lables out of it. I don't have to call or text him all the time, I hear from him several times a day by his choice.

                        It's true though, the woman backing off can be a good thing for both. You find your balance. She finds out that he will communicate and often open up more if he doesn't feel backed against the wall and he will be more caring and attentive if he gets to set the pace. He, maybe without recognizing it or admitting it, finds that he is enjoys being with her when she isn't clinging and can he talk to her about some things more comfortably than with the guys.

                        Too many women do come off as desperate because they cling, they hold too tight. I think then there is a sense, for the man, that it isn't Him she cares about so much as she does 'having A man'. It's that any man will do. While that may not be true, who wants to feel that way?


                        • I think someone really meets his or her own match along the way. I just got past a clingy and manipulative relationship which drained my last energy. Now, I seem to have found a point to balance myself. But sometimes my sense of balance eludes me, where I tend to be the one clingy. Is this caused by episodal hormonal changes?


                          • Oh, Honda_Dude, we use our work email to communicate during work (shhhhh!) :-P
                            But I've always expected him to call me during the night preferably before bedtime. I love to be pampered in any way that he could, but sometimes, he meets his limits. He is much of a loner like me actually, he doesn't have a guys' night out. It actually is almost always OUR night out, where I am "one of the guys" - only a sexy one though.lol! (I'm a tomboy, which he finds cute).

                            This just bugs me to the max: Do men really think that women can "pick up" where they left off? Ladies, do you feel this way?


                            • As promised

                              Thank you all for your insights. BF is doing a great job to address this aspect of our relationship - kind of "doing what he promised" me. We have been in constant communication for a couple of weeks now, and are always in the thrilling anticipation of the weekends when we can be together again. Everything is doing well now.



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