[CHANDLERS WISH]

Off course..

We keep "thinking" until we sleep, then we dream.. What is worse? I don't know.

And, your home, it's night time, you "could have before maybe sent a text" now you can't, "its not that your alone" your adjusting to something.

I need to tell you on the next relationship? You have to do this more often k, doesn't have to be a bar, or dancing can be a girls night at home, a movie, point being, people "some" associate true love for everything, their every being..

The work through all of that and "forget" their life, their hobbies, their loves, their time...

If you hadn't done that you would be better but you are such a strong person, you have such a good head on your shoulders, so work backwards, what "would you have done"?

(ie) what hobbies, what things, that would make you , you, would you have done?

Sleep on that and tomorrow go find them.

CW

[alicelovesrain]

I felt like I was doing better... Now I feel like I keep getting worse and worse. I guess that means it's settling in more? Or.. Idk..

I have friends but my friends have lives/work. Two of my friends just left for vacation for two weeks. I have family.. But my family doesn't believe in talking about troubles.. Like if I were to try and talk to them I would get a response of, "Suck it up." Which makes them sound like terrible people.. but I swear to you they are not. They love me with all their heart and do their to best to help me succeed. They just aren't into showing negative emotions... Well.. not negative emotions.. Just.. UGH. I think you get what I'm trying to say. Anyway... So then that leaves my roommate. Who, bless her heart, really honestly tries to be there for me. But instead of listening to how I feel and what I'm going through.. She only bashes my ex. I know she is doing it to help me feel better.. But I am the one that needs help. I don't want to talk about what a jerk my ex is, etc. I need comfort... I need someone to listen to me and encourage me..

Anyway.. My point being, as of right now, I just don't have anyone that I can really talk to about this. And keeping it to myself is driving me crazy. I was thinking.. Maybe I should get a therapist for a short while.

Does that seem rash? For some reason everything I do seems rash lately. Even though, I haven't really done anything... I just feel completely scattered and alone. I can't do this by myself. I need some sort of support >.<

[WildChild]

In a way you've been cut loose from your moorings. We women tend to make a man the center of our lives when we love and when it ends for whatever reason, we are lost. Do you keep a journal? That can be a great release for your emotions.

Good for you getting out with friends! You like to dance and didn't do that with the BF? Why not? Do you start to see that you molded your life and activities around him? WHat else do you like to do or would you like to explore that you have held back on? Keep expanding your horizons!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

"Tough love".. I believe is the way you wish to describe your parents, they don't allow you to wallow, preferring to say shirt happens, gone on with your life, attitude.

Tell your flat mate " bless her" that no point dissing the boy, that makes you worse, just be there when I need to talk, to listen or for a cuddle/hug..

In a lot of ways, venting and writing helps, your telling us and your writing it down, maybe keep this thread as a venting page for yourself, letting out your feelings....

Your parents are right though, because, the opposite aweee poor thing, he's, is only going to get you feeling worse, ..... as I am sure your flat mate makes you feel over it...

There is no "instant" cure, unfortunately it's called "time"...

Take care and we're here to listen and reply to anything you have a question over, therapist? certainly if you feel this isn't going to be enough for you to just write and you need to verbally speak and be heard there and then...


CW

[xoxobaby]

Oh my god. You seem to have gone through the same exact as me ! Me & my ex dated for a 1.5 years. We didnt hang out everday, but if we werent hanging out, we were talking on the phone. He cheated on me four times, which he told me once but i didnt realize it til after we broke up. We broke up i think two days after Christmas of 08. He got a new girlfriend, before we even broke up. So of course i was horrified. & broken hearted. He was my first relationship. First everything pretty much. So far at least haha. Give it time. Believe me, those days after we broke up, well. a lotta happened between me & him. & got our families involved. So i was in trouble for the whole January of 09. Give it time, thats number 1. i got over him for the most part as soon as february came because i started hanging with friends as soon as i was outta trouble. Talk to your friends as much as possibly. & not about him either. Talk about sports, hobbies, anything but him. Dont think of him as much as possible okay ? Its key. for the whole january, i didnt know what to do, because i had talked to him on the phone every night, so i was so bored because i wasnt. Call your other friends. Hang out with your friends. I hope this works for you .. im very social so being with friends is the cure for anything for me.. I hope this works for you.

[gorgeously-unspoken]

I've just been recently dumped too, all those suggestions are really good. what i've done is made a list, of all the things that bother you or really make you mad, upset, etc etc. after you've made this list, take it outside, and burn it! aha and slowly watch all the bull burn. it'll make you feel better, if only for a bit anyways.! = )

[WildChild]

LOL. I wrote a bunch recently and burned it, though it was out and then put it in the dumpster and it caught the dumpster on fire. I had to grab the hose and put it out. I was still smoldering when the trash service came. He's a very nice man but probably thinks I'm a nut. Love hurts and burns I guess.

[bearsa]

I don't really know what you are going through, as it has luckily never happened to me... But my boyfriend was always talking about his ex when we first started dating and even after six months she still comes up every so often. After I read this thread, I talked to him and actually brought her up, asking him what it was like when that ended. Just as a bit of background, he dated her for roughly seven years before it ended and she ended it on him. He told me it felt like she ripped out his heart. He also told me that it was the worst feeling he ever felt, and he played football and tore up his knee twice in three years. I know he is a guy and football has nothing to do with heartache but I think that I could understand what he was saying. I asked him how long he hurt for and he just kind of sighed and thought for a minute. He told me that he hurt for a while but the first month was by far the worst, almost like he had lost an arm. His chest hurt with heartache and he even admitted to tearing up a bit whenever he thought about her. But he said it did get better. He came to terms (after a few months) with the idea that she was out of his life and that he wouldn't be getting her back and he basically moved on with his life. He did say that I helped him get over her though. He met me a little over a year after she broke it off with him and he said loving me made it easier to forget her.

I don't know how much it helps you on account of the fact that this is really his story and the fact that he is a guy... but I guess it just means that you have to move on and not let it drag you down. You are a wonderful person and just because you didn't find your perfect match on your first try doesn't mean anything. With the number of people in the world, you are bound to make some miscalculations at some point just as you are bound to find the right guy if you don't give up.