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  • stepherella
    Member
    • Jul 2009
    • 15

    Well, the 3-year boyfriend I had been dating since the end of highschool. We went to post-secondary in the same city. First off, his mother is hands-down the craziest (not in a good way) woman I have ever met. During the last year of highschool I found out he had been e-mailing my old best friend (that's a whole different story) and they had been bashing me. Through my first year of university I wasn't "allowed" to drink with my roommates. I lived in a house on residence with 5 other girls.

    He would call my phone in my room and once I didn't answer because I was in another girls room talking. He left three messages within an hour all saying that he was "going to kill himself if I didn't answer." He was also saying that I was probably at my neighbours "ing everyone". Like, really? I had never cheated on him before. I also found out that he had been e-mailing his crazy- mother and had actually said he wishes my parents would die because it would be better for the world, and she agreed! Honestly! (I actually have the e-mails saved on my computer if someone wants to see them)

    So, after that year of school I came home. He's an all around douche bag. I broke up with him in August, but my mother (yes, my mother!) made me feel bad enough that she made me call him and take him back. So, last year one girl I lived with first year, him and I got an apartment (he had said he would not be so over-bearing and allow me to do as I please). So, I moved back up September 3rd, and he went home for the weekend. My roommate (Jenny) invited a couple friends over so we could go to the bar, this was the 6th. Her one friend brought along his friend (the boy). We just instantly clicked. We went to the bar and danced and stuff (not completely sober, not going to lie) and while we were dancing we kissed. Then Jenny got pretty wasted and decided that she had to go up on rez and meet someone so the boy and I head back to our apt. and Jenny and her friend showed up later.
    Nothing happened that night, minus some kissing.

    The next day he invited Jenny and I to his house for Sunday football, and we said sure. The boyfriend at the time came back early so I had to tell him we were going to a friends house for a while. (the boys name is gender neutral, so he never knew whether it was a boy or girl). So, that was a lot of fun. Nothing sexual happened...
    Anyway, all of my friends had been telling me to dump the guy for over a year because he's a douche, but I didn't because I would feel bad.

    So, this is where it is gets kind of skanky on my part. I got my other friend to cover for me a few days later and say I was going to her house for the night. I went to the boys house and we finally had sex. I've never felt so comfortable around someone before.

    Anyway, about a day later I broke up with that guy... and WOW, awkward living arrangements. I had to share a room with Jenny for a couple months until he moved out in December. He went home every weekend so the boys would come up and we would party and stuff.

    Now, when I wasn't home the ex would go to Jenny and start asking her a million questions about what I was doing, where I was, if I was with the boy, if I'd slept with him. He asked her to tell him when I slept with him. He even text my phone when I was at the boys house and said "Don't him yet, otherwise you're a and he'll leave." He even sent the boy a facebook message saying that he better be careful.
    Yeah, I'm a bad person for cheating, but it was the best move I've ever made. That entire year was the MOST fun I've had in my life!

    Comment

    • stepherella
      Member
      • Jul 2009
      • 15

      Wow, that was long, but.. that's basically the whole story leading up to why I cheated. lol.

      Comment

      • Ahryin
        Veteran Member
        • Jul 2009
        • 856

        Ok so basically you are coming off of a bad relationship and somehow view this man as your breath of fresh air not realizing that his is a wolf in sheeps clothing. PhEW....ok I can already tell that people on this forum may not like me that much..lol I have tons of brothers, cousins, uncles and let me mention that one of my brothers is a retired Chip N Dale when I was growing up it was them that had sex talks and relationship talks with me....now that I have stated my credentials lets get down to it

        Sweetie your friend doesn't want a relationship, not from you, not from the other girl not from any chick. It's not you, it's him! The only thing is the girl he was in a relationship set boundries that you did not set which forced him to play a hand, when he didn't like the way his cards were dealt he dealed himself out. That doesn't mean he doesn't care for you or about you it just means he isn't ready. Men do certain things and give certain signs when they are ready and from what you describe he is not giving them. He may be charming he may be sweet but do not confuse that with a "youre the one I want to eventually be with" sign. Men are hunters by nature and do not view sex no matter how good it may be as a reason to stay or get to know you better. If he wanted you he would have made it irrevocably clear by now. Men also do not give unclear answers everything is very simple and straightforward with them unless they are lying! Thats when things get complicated. So if you ask him where are things going and he gives you an answer such as " I'm just taking my time to figure out what I want to do because the price of tea in china is....." My point is you know in your heart if things aren't right and if you should stay or move on. Clearly you have heard those voice and the voices in this case are right (just don't reply to them...lol)
        How to move on...get a hobby! Seriously the best thing you can do at this point is work on you. You were in a hindering relationship for 3yrs and men can spot one a mile away. Work on you! You are worth it, the right man for you will come when you aren't looking and when you are ready. You are young, sound like you enjoy the wonders life has and truthfully deserve some r&R with a side of partying

        Comment

        • caterpillar79
          Veteran Member
          • Mar 2009
          • 3895

          i will have to take that advice, too...thanks!

          Comment

          • Ahryin
            Veteran Member
            • Jul 2009
            • 856

            ha ha no problem we are all here to help each other rite? I like your saying it reminds me of something my grandmother used to say she was Gypsy

            Comment

            • stepherella
              Member
              • Jul 2009
              • 15

              You're so right. lol. I'm working on getting over the last few hurtles and I'll be good! Thanks!

              Comment

              • caterpillar79
                Veteran Member
                • Mar 2009
                • 3895

                Originally posted by Ahryin
                ha ha no problem we are all here to help each other rite? I like your saying it reminds me of something my grandmother used to say she was Gypsy
                Yeah...I seem to have storms in my life one after the other, so what else can I do but dance in the rain, right?

                Hard to do, but in due time, we'll make it there....

                Comment

                • Ahryin
                  Veteran Member
                  • Jul 2009
                  • 856

                  When I was younger and it would rain my grandmother would run through the house like lightening and grab me ... she would put on this white dress and put my white sun dress on me take her hair out of her long pony tail and we would run outside together to dance and twirl in the rain. She used to tell me the rain cleansed and nurtured the earth and in the same way it would cleanse and nurture our souls.....

                  Sometimes the best thing for us to do is dance in the rain

                  Comment

                  • caterpillar79
                    Veteran Member
                    • Mar 2009
                    • 3895

                    You're right...it is refreshing...just don't go out when there is lightning! lol!

                    Deep in my heart I am still longing to get back with him...I am very stupid...but I want to move on...time time time....i wish I can make it faster.

                    Comment

                    • Ahryin
                      Veteran Member
                      • Jul 2009
                      • 856

                      Youre not stupid...don't ever forget that you are not the only woman in the world to ever be in love. It just shows that you have a good heart. It's hard if it wasn't it wouldn't have been love. At least you know that you really love him...now just have to steer that towards the right guy

                      Comment

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