[DiamondsOne]

OK, so I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, as we all do from time to time I guess. I've been with my fella for over 10 years now and we're ok most of the time, although I feel we've sorta lost some of that zing we had years ago.

And...... there's a guy I get on famously well with at work. He compliments me, he makes me laugh, I find him attractive - and he's even been a good listener to when I have had problems.

So, I spend time every day wondering what it would be like if we ever did get together. Probably time wasted I know as I do really love my boyfriend. Does anyone else ever get these kind of thoughts, feelings and end up feeling guilty?

[Guest]

Though i'm only a couple years into my current relationship, I haven't found myself wondering as of yet.

I'm sure it may happen down the road.

For now I have a strategy I keep to.

I don't even look. I just made my mind up that I wasn't going to do it. So when I see that blonde bombshell out of the corner of my eye when i'm walking down town at lunch, I simply don't look. It's a split second decision and I just don't do it.

It's easy - I just ask myself if I would want my woman dishonoring me like that. That puts it all into perspective for me.

[*Kel*]

No. The cows poop there too!

[lime_lemur]

I think this happens to everyone at some point. But it's not hard to remember that there are people that are outwardly attractive, but if you were to get with them, it would end up the same - you'd learn too much about them, get a little bored over time. Before I dated my current boyfriend, I liked him so much that I'd get unbelievably nervous when I saw him and he was absolutely attractive in every way. Now I can't even get the lump out of bed until 3 in the afternoon sometimes... lol. I don't think it's a crime for your eye to wander a bit, as long as you don't follow it everywhere it looks, unless you needed to escape from a bad relationship.

Ten years is a long time... of course the spark wears off. However, there's a different type of deep bond that developes with time that we all take for granted after being with someone for so long. In the end, all the years and memories together are much better than some cute guy who would probably be a lame boyfriend anyway ;]

[starlove]

open marriage

Hi, not sure if this relates to anyone, but I've been with my husband for 13 years and about 8 months ago we decided to change our marriage a little and make it open. We are free to see other people but our hearts remain together. This has been fantastic!! It has actually brought us closer together, sex between us is the best it's ever been. We have a whole new level of trust for each other. There are no secrets and no jealousy. It's wonderful. Also wonderful to go on dates with other guys and not have to worry about having a relationship with them. So I think it's normal to want to be with another person intimately but you have to ask yourself whether it's more than that. In my case, I want to spend my life with my husband, not the lovers I am with, but I like to have fun so free to do so. With this in mind, my heart is saved from doing crazy things and no chance for me to fall in love with someone else. It's all about trust. We enjoy adventure and freedom, and still have that security of being together. We have 2 kids also. Much love to you.

[GlitterAndStuds]

I'm totally seconding OTYA on this one. I've been with my SO for way less time, about a year now. And yes, I realize when people are attractive, but that's it. I'll be somewhere and see a guy and think "Oh, he's cute" or something, but never have I wondered what it would be like to be with them. Other guys don't even exist to me in that way.

But that's in my current relationship. In the past, I've actually broken up with a guy just for having feelings for someone else. It's just one of those things I believe in... I know if I even think that way about another person, I'm obviously not too happy in the relationship I'm already in. Those weren't 10 years long though. Things are bound to be different after that long a time, but I think it's just a case of you needed to add/try new things. Not just sex wise, but with any activities you do together. Just find a bunch of ways to have fun and enjoy each other.

[rcoreyus]

Kel said it perfectly.

[Dutchess]

I think there comes a time in every relationship when someone comes along and you wonder what he / she would be like or even what it would feel like to trade him / her with your partner. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you don't dwell on it.

It usually is that we meet these interesting people in environments that are filled with laughter, feeling good or good companionship. Seldom we seem to see these people when times are bad. You can remember your current partner's stomach flu, money worries and angry moments. Instead, this new one seems to be surrounded with joy and good things. Do you think this is going to last? When you think about you and your current partner in the beginning of your relationship, does that look the same to you?

I think these are the questions you should be asking yourself before you do anything. If this is where it stays, in your mind, you shouldn't feel too guilty about it.

[prawnprincess]

Nicely said, Dutchess. I get this feeling sometimes, too. You just don't know what it would be like. It's a gamble- putting all of your chips with one person or another. There are definitely some engaging personalities out there- guys who have something special that draws you in. I can't help but wonder once in a while. Right now I am with an amazing guy, so I am confident about keeping all of my chips with him. If I start wondering I always come back to how we are pretty different but we compliment each other and he is really great to me. But with life as short as it is, and us having only one shot at it, no one can blame us for wondering what if. guyx + 10 years = ? But something my mom mentioned to me once is that sometimes the thing that you find really attractive at first can become annoying later. But really, life is a game with lots of surprises. You never know what is around the corner.

[WildChild]

I know a man, who has been happily married for many years, who has an interesting but effective attitude. He says that when he committed to his wife he freed himself from looking and wondering if it would be better with anyone else. This thinking is that there is no one else - your partner is IT. You communicate, you work at it and you make it work. This seems to do it - IF both are committed to that thinking.