Help, I don't know what to do.
I'm new to the site and posting, but I'm desperate for help regurding my boyfriend. (Sorry its so long)
I'm 17, 18 in November, My boyfriend, he's 18, of just about eight months is bipolar. He made this clear when we first started dating. At first I didn't really notice anything off, or different about him. But over the time I began to recognize his mood swings and understand his horribly low self esteem. He also has anxiety problems. I love him dearly, and I know he loves me. He constantly tells me so, over and over again. From what I gather he wasn't in a good place in his life before we started dating.
His past experience with relationships had left him broken hearted to say the least and his home life wasn't much better. I understand that he was somewhat of a problem child. The oldest of three boys he repeatedly got into (sometimes) physical fights with not only his brothers but his parents too. (This was before diagnosis.) He's not like that anymore, I trust him and have never seen him lose his temper like that with me or any one else. He wouldn’t dream of doing what he used to do now. Regardless he still has a short temper, with his family mainly, but we've had our arguments too. (we're both very stubborn often over nothing). In most cases we usually agree to disagree or find that we were fighting on the same side anyway. I think he's just overly used to head games. I think his parents play them with him too often. There's more often then not conflict between them. He's been threatened to be kicked out multiple times, his mother is bi-polar as well and is very…controlling.
Despite it all though he is an amazing person. I just have a hard time getting him to see it. I'm always working to build him up in self confidence and the likes. But he refuses to see himself as anything but a screw up. He went through a bad depression (combined with the wrong medicine) before we met. So bad he'd resorted to self harm. He said he'd stopped that just before he'd asked me out, so I wouldn't have to put up with his drama. That lasted for nearly all the eight months, until just recently, when the stress got out of control again. Not cutting this time, he gets metal hot and burns instead. I gave him an earful about it. I was nearly in tears while doing so. He swears he'll stop, and I made him promise to tell me if he does, and that if he can't stop he'll take help. (He's scared to death of ending up in a mental hospital. It almost came to that once with him already.) I told him flat out if he didn't stop I was calling his mother, that I didn't care if I had to make him hate me to get him help. But I trust him to stick to his word. He's also scared to death of losing me.
But he hasn’t stopped. He tried but he couldn't. I don't know what to do. I get so upset when he tells me what he's done that he doesn’t want to anymore. He says he's trying to protect me by doing so. I tell him I don’t need it. That I want to help him and demand that he doesn't shut me out like that. He needs help but he doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t want to end up in a mental hospital. He thinks he can do it all on his own. He's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to know. I know he's strong but he needs to let people in. I've sat through phone calls of him crying over all the stress he's under, listened to a few anxiety attacks, and spent hours on the phone and through texts coaxing him to tell me what's wrong when he's acting off and says its nothing.
His major stresses in life right now are school and work. He just graduated high school, and is about to enter a community college. (I'm now a senior in HS). He already had a part time job in place at a grocery store, but his family isn't financially well off and he has to pay for most of his college on his own, plus several other bills (car insurance, phone, gas etc.) His college is two classes three days a week it is all he could do. He's recently just started a full time job at a factory doing the graveyard shift. He's exhausted, from the work and stress. And on top of it all he's going to play college baseball. (He's an amazing catcher. Something else he refuses to see in himself.) He wears himself out with baseball sometimes too, before the second job that was a big stress.
He says he's doing it all for his future family. I just want him to take care of himself now in the present. But he needs the money for college. I admire him for all he's doing. I do. I just wish it was easier on him. He's also stopped taking his meds. He was never very good about it. But he doesn’t like what they do to him; make his drowsy, forgetful, makes his thoughts race. It's hard for him to get used to again when he stopped. He was good about it for a while. (I'm always telling him to take them, along with; getting more sleep [he barely sleeps some times and he has trouble sleeping due to nightmares and anxiety attacks], eating better and/or more often, driving safer [I'm paranoid about it anyway], and learning to just relax about stuff.)
How do I help him? I understand he has a condition and I love his regardless. It's mainly the self hurting that has me so worried. Should I continue to try an interfere? Or do what he wants and keep out of it? How do I get him to except help? How do I make him understand that I want to know what's going on with him that it doesn’t hurt me to know?
Please somebody help me.
I'm 17, 18 in November, My boyfriend, he's 18, of just about eight months is bipolar. He made this clear when we first started dating. At first I didn't really notice anything off, or different about him. But over the time I began to recognize his mood swings and understand his horribly low self esteem. He also has anxiety problems. I love him dearly, and I know he loves me. He constantly tells me so, over and over again. From what I gather he wasn't in a good place in his life before we started dating.
His past experience with relationships had left him broken hearted to say the least and his home life wasn't much better. I understand that he was somewhat of a problem child. The oldest of three boys he repeatedly got into (sometimes) physical fights with not only his brothers but his parents too. (This was before diagnosis.) He's not like that anymore, I trust him and have never seen him lose his temper like that with me or any one else. He wouldn’t dream of doing what he used to do now. Regardless he still has a short temper, with his family mainly, but we've had our arguments too. (we're both very stubborn often over nothing). In most cases we usually agree to disagree or find that we were fighting on the same side anyway. I think he's just overly used to head games. I think his parents play them with him too often. There's more often then not conflict between them. He's been threatened to be kicked out multiple times, his mother is bi-polar as well and is very…controlling.
Despite it all though he is an amazing person. I just have a hard time getting him to see it. I'm always working to build him up in self confidence and the likes. But he refuses to see himself as anything but a screw up. He went through a bad depression (combined with the wrong medicine) before we met. So bad he'd resorted to self harm. He said he'd stopped that just before he'd asked me out, so I wouldn't have to put up with his drama. That lasted for nearly all the eight months, until just recently, when the stress got out of control again. Not cutting this time, he gets metal hot and burns instead. I gave him an earful about it. I was nearly in tears while doing so. He swears he'll stop, and I made him promise to tell me if he does, and that if he can't stop he'll take help. (He's scared to death of ending up in a mental hospital. It almost came to that once with him already.) I told him flat out if he didn't stop I was calling his mother, that I didn't care if I had to make him hate me to get him help. But I trust him to stick to his word. He's also scared to death of losing me.
But he hasn’t stopped. He tried but he couldn't. I don't know what to do. I get so upset when he tells me what he's done that he doesn’t want to anymore. He says he's trying to protect me by doing so. I tell him I don’t need it. That I want to help him and demand that he doesn't shut me out like that. He needs help but he doesn’t want to take it. He doesn’t want to end up in a mental hospital. He thinks he can do it all on his own. He's embarrassed and doesn't want anyone to know. I know he's strong but he needs to let people in. I've sat through phone calls of him crying over all the stress he's under, listened to a few anxiety attacks, and spent hours on the phone and through texts coaxing him to tell me what's wrong when he's acting off and says its nothing.
His major stresses in life right now are school and work. He just graduated high school, and is about to enter a community college. (I'm now a senior in HS). He already had a part time job in place at a grocery store, but his family isn't financially well off and he has to pay for most of his college on his own, plus several other bills (car insurance, phone, gas etc.) His college is two classes three days a week it is all he could do. He's recently just started a full time job at a factory doing the graveyard shift. He's exhausted, from the work and stress. And on top of it all he's going to play college baseball. (He's an amazing catcher. Something else he refuses to see in himself.) He wears himself out with baseball sometimes too, before the second job that was a big stress.
He says he's doing it all for his future family. I just want him to take care of himself now in the present. But he needs the money for college. I admire him for all he's doing. I do. I just wish it was easier on him. He's also stopped taking his meds. He was never very good about it. But he doesn’t like what they do to him; make his drowsy, forgetful, makes his thoughts race. It's hard for him to get used to again when he stopped. He was good about it for a while. (I'm always telling him to take them, along with; getting more sleep [he barely sleeps some times and he has trouble sleeping due to nightmares and anxiety attacks], eating better and/or more often, driving safer [I'm paranoid about it anyway], and learning to just relax about stuff.)
How do I help him? I understand he has a condition and I love his regardless. It's mainly the self hurting that has me so worried. Should I continue to try an interfere? Or do what he wants and keep out of it? How do I get him to except help? How do I make him understand that I want to know what's going on with him that it doesn’t hurt me to know?
Please somebody help me.
Get The Newsletter
Comment