[Futureboy]

Hi I need some help.
My situation

I’ve been on ‘Match’ internet dating for about 18 months. It’s been ok I’ve Had about 2700 hits on my profile and made serious attempts with 17 girls and I have been on one speed dating night why I got acceptances from all the girls I was interested in. Most of the people I have met are nice but only a few I fancy and of those I do have not really gone for me.

I do get interest from time to time and don’t consider myself a bad catch. Sane, Solventish, most of my own hair and teeth. I am looking for a LTR and I am not willing to settle I want the real deal, hearts and flowers. Some of you have probably got a good measure of me by now from my advice and ‘guilty’ or ‘not guilty’, which I think is great. I have come to the conclusion that ‘Match’ and speed dating are not for me.

I think this because I am not a very forthcoming person and tend to be reserved. You may have noticed I take the p!ss, which I don’t think is appropriate until I am past magic date number three (not sure why but it’s make or break by here). So I tend to be polite keep my swering to a minimum and pick a date that I hope the girl likes. Like KYgirl may be I think too much.

I am no super stud and can't / don’t want to pick up random girls in the pub/supermarket etc. I have done briefly the failure rate is too high. I think the best thing to do is meet people with a common interest and I can find out at my leisure if I like them and maybe they like me. Then there’s no problem with pressure etc. And I can slot into being myself. I am relatively comfortable around women.

What I need to know is where can I meet someone who is. Kind, Intelligent, Happy with a nice bottom? Who doesn’t think I am a d!ckhead.

To make this easier or harder a few details:

I don’t go out with people from work, recipe for problems

I am: not religious; 34; active; intelligent; I’m in the UK, I have ‘boy’ hobbies (dirt bikes, pub etc)

I can paste my internet profile if it helps

I have only come up with dancing any other ideas?

Really appreciate some help. May be I am missing something on the dating thing to do or watch for. Advice always welcome
Thanks inadvance

[Ashlee T.]

You're definitely funny, so that's a start.

Seems like one of the best ways to meet good quality people are through mutual friends. The problem with this is when your couples friends get together to do something, lots of times one might say "Oh I don't want to go and be the only single person there"....but you never know when one of your friends, girlfriends cousins sisters friends is going to show up. Seriously.

Also, seems like you know what you want, but are you too picky? Not saying you should settle, certainly you shouldn't. Also, it seems like you've found a comfort zone (things like Match online). Failure rate too high for random meetings? But so far you haven't succeeded with the internet thing either right? (Please don't take that the wrong way. ) I guess I'm just saying, don't put yourself in a box....be willing to step outside your comfort zone....if you see someone in coffee shop or something you frequent often (ehmm maybe dirt bike races? YEAH!!) that sparks an interest, don't not approach her just because of where you meet her.

Also (wow I have a lot of also's lately...), when you say you're only in it for LTR that puts lots of pressure on the other person. "What if he falls for me and I don't end up falling for him?" "what if he wants to move quickly into a serious exclusive relationship before I've even a chance to get to know him?", etc. So, be confident, be charming, but don't be over zealous. Don't be like the woman with her biological clock ticking seeking a mate. Know what I mean?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have come to the conclusion that ‘Match’ and speed dating are not for me.

Personally? Over the past couple of years I have gone on and off of dating sites, not the one you mention, rather a couple of others and frankly, some of the names "Lonely one" comes to mind, lol, as one, are all "written words".

I found some had people write there profile for them, some pictures were 10 years old and it's easier to write than it is to talk in person, it's very false in my opinion and I haven't had one successful date from it, much like you... They wanted to go out with me, but no thanks "baggage" about ex's to start with during first dates.

The closest I got to a good date, was someone I met at work, whilst doing an Open Inspection.

On one site, they have a Forum and they will tell you, it's only "part of the dating game" not the be all and end all in finding someone.

You have to mix it , with work, social life, hobbies, clubs, dating sites, the lot...

CW

[WildChild]

I do know some people who have found someone that way, but I think they got lucky. Why not expand your interests a bit? Don't go out of characture and you don't have get into stuff you can't stand but try some new things? How about a cooking class with a supper group; they learn some skills and take turns hosting a dinner. If nothing else you'd be eating better.

How about the gym? Take some of the classes - try them all; yoga, spin, pilates. They are full of women who are presumably health oriented and may have nice bottoms too .

Check out the Unitarian Universalists? They are essentially a non religious fellowship that includes people of all different backgrounds. They are typically a pretty open, intelligent and fun group.

A male freind of mine took up ballroom dancing and said he practically had to beat the women off with a stick. I think he had a lot of fun with it.

Check out any Tantric groups in your area or orgaizations of sex educators? In my city they are open to anyone with an interest in sex as a healthy and normal part of life and connected relationships.

The more well rounded you are, the more interest, even if not keen, the more people you will meet. And spend some time with female friends, they know other women.

[Mes T]

Here's how some of my friends and I have had luck meeting people:

- Move to a foreign country for a year. Seriously, I don't know how rooted you are in your job and whatnot, but if you were to just pick up and leave and go live somewhere else teaching English (the most popular of jobs) or whatever, you will meet TONS, and I mean TONS of people, including women, including highly date-able women. I understand that this isn't really an option for a lot of people, but if you ever wanted a huge change...

- Through friends, like people have said. Go to parties. Go hang out with people at coffee shops. Whatever. Friends!

- Travel for a few days somewhere, alone. The easiest way to meet people is when you're in a strange situation, all alone.

[danceintx]

I agree with the ballroom dancing. I am a ballroom instructor, I don't know how it is in the UK, but here our studios are packed full of beautiful, high-class, amazing single women and few men. Not to mention most dancers do have nice bottoms : )

[Futureboy]

Beautiful Disaster thanks my responses below, hope it works not to good at this quote stuff.

Beautiful Disaster: You're definitely funny, so that's a start. You should see me naked if you want a real laugh

Beautiful Disaster: Seems like one of the best ways to meet good quality people are through mutual friends. The problem with this is when your couples friends get together to do something, lots of times one might say "Oh I don't want to go and be the only single person there"....but you never know when one of your friends, girlfriends cousins sisters friends is going to show up. Seriously.

I totally agree but think I have used up my quota of friends' female friends. Everyone I know has an LTR SO, most with kids, most with limited time. I find weddings etc. emotionally draining

Beautiful Disaster: Also, seems like you know what you want, but are you too picky? Not saying you should settle, certainly you shouldn't. Also, it seems like you've found a comfort zone (things like Match online). Failure rate too high for random meetings? But so far you haven't succeeded with the internet thing either right? (Please don't take that the wrong way. ) I guess I'm just saying, don't put yourself in a box....be willing to step outside your comfort zone....if you see someone in coffee shop or something you frequent often (ehmm maybe dirt bike races? YEAH!!) that sparks an interest, don't not approach her just because of where you meet her.

Ok I have been accused of being too picky, unfortunatly my previous partner was probably the most attractive, intelligent and affluent woman I have ever been with. Taught me the beauty of parenting. She was a selfish person and difficult and we never really clicked properly even after three years.

Ok now looking out the box It's big and scary internet dating was already well outside my comfort zone where should I go next If you were in a coffee shop, bus stop or what have you how do I intiate a conversation without looking like a total nutter. At this point I would like to remind you it's the UK and I am a conservative English man.

Beautiful Disaster: Also (wow I have a lot of also's lately...), when you say you're only in it for LTR that puts lots of pressure on the other person. "What if he falls for me and I don't end up falling for him?" "what if he wants to move quickly into a serious exclusive relationship before I've even a chance to get to know him?", etc. So, be confident, be charming, but don't be over zealous. Don't be like the woman with her biological clock ticking seeking a mate. Know what I mean?

Good point I will take this on board 'walk before I can run'

Thanks for the advice

[Futureboy]

Personally? Over the past couple of years I have gone on and off of dating sites, not the one you mention, rather a couple of others and frankly, some of the names "Lonely one" comes to mind, lol, as one, are all "written words".

I found some had people write there profile for them, some pictures were 10 years old and it's easier to write than it is to talk in person, it's very false in my opinion and I haven't had one successful date from it, much like you... They wanted to go out with me, but no thanks "baggage" about ex's to start with during first dates.

The closest I got to a good date, was someone I met at work, whilst doing an Open Inspection.

On one site, they have a Forum and they will tell you, it's only "part of the dating game" not the be all and end all in finding someone.

You have to mix it , with work, social life, hobbies, clubs, dating sites, the lot...

CW

CW thanks for the advice so far:

What would be a good hobby/club?

What should I do in my social life specifically?

I'll run will the dating site 'til my subscription runs out.

[LanaBear]

What are your current hobbies? Or what are you interested in?

If you are interested in outdoor type things, I know here, if you go to a store like REI, they always have get togethers for people who are interested in doing the same things.

[Futureboy]

I do know some people who have found someone that way, but I think they got lucky. Why not expand your interests a bit? Don't go out of characture and you don't have get into stuff you can't stand but try some new things? How about a cooking class with a supper group; they learn some skills and take turns hosting a dinner. If nothing else you'd be eating better.

How about the gym? Take some of the classes - try them all; yoga, spin, pilates. They are full of women who are presumably health oriented and may have nice bottoms too . .

Thought this was abit sleazy but I'll give it a go cant hurt to keep fit and it fits with my new years resolutions

Check out the Unitarian Universalists? They are essentially a non religious fellowship that includes people of all different backgrounds. They are typically a pretty open, intelligent and fun group.

I dont think this exists in the UK

A male freind of mine took up ballroom dancing and said he practically had to beat the women off with a stick. I think he had a lot of fun with it.

Just a bit selfconcious I'll give it a go in the new year

Check out any Tantric groups in your area or orgaizations of sex educators? In my city they are open to anyone with an interest in sex as a healthy and normal part of life and connected relationships.

I really don't think this is me. Until I looked it up I thought it was a sex club

The more well rounded you are, the more interest, even if not keen, the more people you will meet. And spend some time with female friends, they know other women.

I agree thanks for the advice

OO look I made the quote thing work :-)