[jnd2009]

For guys though, girls being in a relationship doesn't really do much for us. Perhaps, if you're just looking for sex, it's useful because there's less chance of her chasing after you or if you get her knocked up, the other dude will end up lookin after the kid so less risk there. Also, sometimes girls are so ****ed off with their boyfriends, they'll just hook up with whatever's stuck under their nose, which is obviously excellent. When you call a guy up and tell him 'My bf's bein such a sod, I just need to chill out with someone right now' you can't see it over the phone, but silently cheering and punching the air in celebration of the approaching coitus.

I disagree here (and I'm sure some of you may disagree with what I have to say).
If another guy got me pregnant, it's his responsibility, not my boyfriend's, whether or not he's married/in a relationship. It takes 2 to make a child, he can be a man and take care of it regardless of his status (my opinion).

About the girl getting ****ed with her boyfriend- at least with me, it doesn't work like that. I have always told myself that if I would see the other guy while I was ****ed or having problems with my boyfriend, that running to another guy to hook up would only make it worse and make me become more distant from my boyfriend. There was ONE time that I came home from school, my boyfriend and roommate ****ed me off, I grabbed my stuff and left. I texted a few people who would calm me down (calm me down meaning I knew we'd talk about something else and not my problems I had just left). I did text the other guy too. I knew he was getting out of class at that time, and he agreed to meet up. However, I had no intentions of hooking up with him, because I always told myself to not do anything with him to spite my problems with my boyfriend.

That was a little longer than I wanted, but I just felt like sharing a story - lol.

[newhere808]

I remember having to debate a similar subject in school, and it seemed that one of the draws to a man in a relationship isn't only that he's made attractive by the interest of others, but now he's 'safe' cause he no longer trying to get in 'your' pants. That comfort can lead to the girl getting closer and closer to the guy, and wanting to be around them more, the guy being himself cause he no longer needs to impress a girl, and the girl getting caught up in the idea that he's not gonna try anything, so she can just enjoy herself in his company. Not true in all situations, but it seemed fairly consistent, a good friend of mine is a constant victim of this, he is a good man, and ever since he got married single girls go after him like he was a chocolate dipped strawberry

I think men are typically different due to the inherent differences between the sexes. Guys can be competitive for sure, but there are more often than not clear 'wins' or 'loses'. A girl with a SO is typically a 'loss' or lost cause, someones already 'raised the flag' so to speak. With women (again, speaking typically) the competitive nature can be much more cut-throat and internally driven, not so much, "I bet I could get a man like that" but "I bet I could get your man to like ME more". Then again that all really depends on the maturity level of the women/men involved, but i've seen it quite a bit.

In regards to what FemninistBen said, I have seen that quite a bit too, even if sex is not the goal, i've seen many girls go hang out with an ex, or someone they are know is interested in them while they cool down simply to upset the SO that made them mad, and occaisionly this things result in things getting physical.

[Futureboy]

I remember having to debate a similar subject in school, and it seemed that one of the draws to a man in a relationship isn't only that he's made attractive by the interest of others, but now he's 'safe' cause he no longer trying to get in 'your' pants. That comfort can lead to the girl getting closer and closer to the guy, and wanting to be around them more, the guy being himself cause he no longer needs to impress a girl, and the girl getting caught up in the idea that he's not gonna try anything, so she can just enjoy herself in his company.

Agree

Going out with a girl makes you feel more confident and self assured. You meet a girl, she's nice you talk to for the sake of talking. She thinks he's confident and is interested in the real me etc. Plus you always want what you can't have

If you are a single man first off you meet less women. Every girl could be a potential girlfriend it shows [you are thinking this] no matter how much you try to hide it. The more rejection (and longer the time alone) the higher the stakes, the more it prays on your mind, the more you are likely to fail. It's a viciuos circle. Eventually you give up seeing yourself as attrctive to women give up and then you talk to women and they make moves on you and you dont even notice and therefore dont do anything

Not sure if this is comment or a complaint

I've given up for this year to concentrate on changing my life

Fb

[Hopeless Dork]

I think there is defintely something about the fact the guy isn't seeking that makes him more attractive to some women. I hadn't thought about that on my initials reasons list and its defintely a major one.

When a guy already has a woman at home, he's is more confident when out, more able to be himself and be easy going - he isn't being "on" or trying to make an impression he just is. And women pick up on that. Just as they pick up on desperation (males pick up on this too of course), they pick up on the lack of it as well... and are drawn to that guy that doesn't notice them.

[Guest]

so it has some basis on humans being a predatory species? loving the chase?

makes me think of a quote that i heard a long time ago:

"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter. You will meet them doing various things with resolve, but their interest rarely holds because after the other thing ordinary life is as flat as the taste of wine when the taste buds have been burned off your tongue." (from 'On the Blue Water' in Esquire, April 1936, Ernest Miller Hemingway, 1899-1961)

maybe "being taken" is the same as "being armed", and is true for both men and women...

[newhere808]

so it has some basis on humans being a predatory species? loving the chase?

makes me think of a quote that i heard a long time ago:

"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter. You will meet them doing various things with resolve, but their interest rarely holds because after the other thing ordinary life is as flat as the taste of wine when the taste buds have been burned off your tongue." (from 'On the Blue Water' in Esquire, April 1936, Ernest Miller Hemingway, 1899-1961)

maybe "being taken" is the same as "being armed", and is true for both men and women...

So in other words the implied challenge of going after a man/woman that is taken adds to the attraction? Perhaps for some, i've seen the guys caught up in the excitement over the 'unobtainable' girl, but it's usually a case of her social standing than her being off the market. Though I don't think this is a norm in the realm of relationships, it certainly holds true in several other aspects. I do like the quote.

[Texinator]

I think there is defintely something about the fact the guy isn't seeking that makes him more attractive to some women.

Certainly. While I've never been one to be desperate or insecure, I've also found that I seem more 'interesting' to other women when I'm with someone than when I'm single. But when my most recent relationship ended and I decided that I wasn't going to look for someone new for a while, that 'interest' didn't drop off nearly as much as I thought I would. Maybe also because I was actively not looking for a relationship, and that came across as a challenge to some.

Now that I'm open to the idea of a relationship again, the 'interest' has dropped a little bit again, maybe because I wouldn't be as much a challenge anymore, but I still seem to come across as more appealing than other times that I've been single. Perhaps because I've figured that whatever happens, happens, and if I find someone else, great, and if not, that's fine too. I don't really care anymore. And I seem to project that vibe. If all that makes sense..

[jaygirlweek96]

True. I think it generally goes with the line that says people are attracted to what they cant have............

[stressed]

By what I've seen, whether you are a man or a woman, as long as you have a ring on your finger you can get ten times more attention than if you don't. Try it and you'll see. You don't even have to mention that you have a SO, just wear one.

We want what we don't have, or we try to look for "an improved version" of what we already have in somebody else (without intending to leave the one we are with, it just happens automatically). When this 'somebody else' is in a relationship, he or she is usually very confident (unless there's trouble at home) so in addition to the pluses we may find we are also impressed by this confidence and think that this person is a catch, even if that's not the case. It's someone who is unavailable because "we didn't find him/her first". But this depends on how we perceive people in general, how confident we are about ourselves and whether we know what we really want or not. Some always will see unavailable people as "interesting people they cannot have (which adds mystery and excitement to the picture)" and others as "just one more of those, I can find the same model in a newer version and less used". It depends.

[Guest]

I'm the exact same way.

I've noticed very, VERY attractive qualities in women who display this trait as well.