[bored99]

For someone still going through something feeling is not given time to go through is certainly a signal to get into a shell.

Are you saying that because he hasn't dealt with feelings from a past relationship he has withdrawn into himself? Is that right?

[Maximus]

Are you saying that because he hasn't dealt with feelings from a past relationship he has withdrawn into himself? Is that right?

No, what I mean is that it seems like he is trying to figure out for himself too.
The healthiest way to move forward is to talk about what is your expectations, and here his side of the story. Clearly hear what each has to say, and without throwing the "future" of the relationship in the mix as a mean to put pressure or vent your fears.

[bored99]

Thank-you for responding.

Unfortunately he won't talk to me anymore about it as I probably have already done his head in with my constant probing rather than let things grow naturally. We can talk about work things and he will initiate contact at work but rarely outside of it - though he does respond to texts etc. Sounds like I just need to stay away from him rather than let my mind convince me that something is there.

Googled "wheel of sacrifice" - some random religious stuff came up. Is it a recognised concept as I would like to read more about it.

[Maximus]

Thank-you for responding.

Unfortunately he won't talk to me anymore about it as I probably have already done his head in with my constant probing rather than let things grow naturally. We can talk about work things and he will initiate contact at work but rarely outside of it - though he does respond to texts etc. Sounds like I just need to stay away from him rather than let my mind convince me that something is there.

Googled "wheel of sacrifice" - some random religious stuff came up. Is it a recognised concept as I would like to read more about it.

Strange. There are no religious connotation to it or link to any belief.
It's the process through we all go through. When acting without emotional IQ.
We do something.
We do expect something back or in relation.
When we don't get, we get angry,
then we feel guilty for being angry.
Then we do something else...and the cycle continues...until we break it.

[bored99]

Oh well, I did it again. I was so good and didn't have any contact with him and then went and spoilt it a couple of days ago with my stupid incessant texting which I know angers him. Why do I do it? I think I was feeling neglected and was feeling a bit low and I started texting. I so wish I hadn't. I am a grown woman and yet I behave like a teenager - no offence to teenagers. Sorry, I just needed to vent and try and feel a little less embarrassed.

[Anon_1990]

I Manage to get through by asking questions I did not want to know the answer to. I
still miss her and her love but I am meeting her boyfreind this week! Just try and talk as a freind, ask what he's been up to etc etc

[bored99]

Thanks for responding and a man's point of view as well..

I guess the reason, I haven't asked him the normal questions is that it's always me who initiates the texts though he always responds to me. I wonder if perhaps he thinks we shouldn't be friends even. I just hate the fact that I must be coming across as so needy to him.

[Anon_1990]

We didn't speak for two weeks which also helped

[bored99]

I Manage to get through by asking questions I did not want to know the answer to. I
still miss her and her love but I am meeting her boyfreind this week! Just try and talk as a freind, ask what he's been up to etc etc

Can I be nosy and ask why you are still in touch with her if you still have these strong feelings for her? I hope you don't mind me asking.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Help you move on?

Hello sweet, all I can truly say to you is, a man likes a chace, he wants to know it's him you like, not chemistry..

Once chemistry enters into it, and straight out, it's lost.

I know that sounds horrid, but I think we have all done this at some stage, then it's our wanting the acceptance, and the fact we bonded, sexually so we feel that they are now or should be our soon to be, boyfriend..

Guys don't think like that.

They see sex as sex and once conqoured, well that's it.. But, the woman they want to be with or that will win, is the one that keeps him curious, keeps him guessing, and makes him want her.. Then she wins.

So, the fact that he keeps making excuses, won't discuss, tell you, states he only wants to be friends.

I agree, with other posters, try real hard not to be clingy, in-fact, make it known your dating a couple of guys, but not sure which you prefer .. Make him see what he doesn't know, you, inside.. and miss that person..

That's about your only chance..

No texting

None....

CW