[Vixen]

Thanks for the replies, its helpful to have the opinions of others, to get a fresh look at things.

I think the funniest time was when I waited and was having a great time with the guy, sex hadnt been talked about and it just happened after time. So I was thinking this is a gd until he anounced that even after waiting for months he wouldnt take a woman seriously if she had sex before marriage. So im sitting thinking what? The idea of no sex before marriage had not been talked about and had it then I would have waited.

It was an experience and I have had no regrets wether its first date sex or waiting years. Its all learning and imo if its going to work being yourself is the best way to get it to work.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think the funniest time was when I waited and was having a great time with the guy, sex hadnt been talked about and it just happened after time. So I was thinking this is a gd until he anounced that even after waiting for months he wouldnt take a woman seriously if she had sex before marriage. So im sitting thinking what? The idea of no sex before marriage had not been talked about and had it then I would have waited.

See that's wrong on so many levels... You in your mind, did the right thing, waited and when you finally decided to be intimate, he threw that at you, after having sex with you..

That is enough to put women off course and make them go pftttt, I'll do what I want from now on, I don't care.

What you can't do is think like that. One bad egg, who played a card, then ripped that queen of hearts in half, is not worth the memory, or using that as a learning experience at all. That's a guy who didn't bother communicating himself, because he wasn't in love and didn't care about your thoughts, feelings, only his own... Call him selfish. Because that is what he was.

It was an experience and I have had no regrets wether its first date sex or waiting years. Its all learning and imo if its going to work being yourself is the best way to get it to work

.

If you start having regrets for making a judgement error, then it will effect you and your future relationships.

Yes, you should always be yourself. But, you have to know what your doing, that the person doesn't matter, there is nothing you want from him, or the person does matter and you do want something from him, and make a management decision of what to do from there.

Remember, it's the animal kingdom And, they are the hunters and they don't care how many they catch....

But, also remember, they are human as are you, and they want to know that they are a catch, wanted, it's not a game, but how else to you show someone your interested in "them" as a person? You get to know them, as a person.

So, again, don't let that selfish situation where you did exactly that only to be told pftttt, we did it and so your not it, I want a virgin, destroy how you see things from here.

CW

[GlassDaemon]

Okay, I've come back this time I'll keep the morals to myself, or try too anyway.

Over 50% of American marriages end in divorce, we can safely assume that the relationship failure is likely quite a bit higher, so already it's not in your favor that this relationship will actually be successful. With that said I believe a few personal definitions are necessary:

Dating, the game played to find the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I also recognize that some people while are looking for a long term relationships aren't necessarily looking for "the one." However, I'm assuming with this post that they are, as to me that is the entire point of dating. (If you have a different belief in dating this post is probably null and voided then)

On date one, there is no way for you to know the individuals sexual history, I hope they don't have diseases.

And because I cannot help myself, it's not your heart telling you to get in bed with the individual, it's your libido, you don't fall in love in one day. Protect your heart and your body, there is no harm in waiting, so why not?

And something for you to consider, are your proud of everyone you've been with? If you are, please, keep it that way, if there's anyone you doubt, find out why, and don't let it happen again.

[Vixen]

All great comments thank you.

I think in the past I have been dating for the sake of dating and seeing what happens, of course theres been the odd guy that has come along and Ive thought I want to be with him and it works out for a bit or its over in a week. I have had no regrets about this. I have always been careful regardless of how long I have known a guy one day or several months.

I think now however is a time in my life where I am looking for something more serious and perhaps putting sex off to get to know someone better is the right way to proceed. I guess its a way to know that the guy is serious about you. Ive always been a very open person, saying exactly how I feel but men arnt always like that.

Again its been helpful hearing the opinions of others on this subject.

[Hopeless Dork]

I just think the most important thing is to be yourself. Saving intercourse, saving SOMETHING for later when they have earned your trust is a good thing... so that your physical relationship develops at the same pace as your emotional one... the deeper you get, the more of yourself you trust to give to the person... etc etc.

But If you are excited, and he's excited... I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing that passion to each other, whether its the first date or the 5th, whether its kissing or making out in the back of a car to third base etc etc... whatever your both comfortable with is whats okay.

I personally think the whole giving away the milk get the cow for free nonsense is very sexist, very 'women aren't sexual beings' minded... as if they only have sex to cement their love and not for pleasure. That whole ideology bothers me.

While its meant to make woman moral upstanding, respectable ladies -- its also meant to say they don't want or enjoy sex as much as men do -- that sex is something they bestow on a man as a favor , exchanged for money or love/commitment, not because they just genuinly want to feel good too.

[lilylavendar]

i have a new boyfriend, but we've known each other for a long time. from school, church etc.... we never were intimate. we had recently been talking about dating (as both of us have been divorced for awhile), and having children involved i had been reluctant. it's so complicated when you have kids involved. i didn't want to start something and it not work out, and the kids be disappointed. so we recently started talking more, and "day-time" dating, when the kids were at school. we worked around our schedules for lunch, and walking, and talking. we talked about the feelings we were having. and whether or not to pursue them. on both levels. sexually and emotionally. the talking was the best time. i felt and still feel really secure with him, he continues to be my best friend. we talk about everything. we have opened a relationship i never thought i could have. and we have been intimate. it was sweet and loving. and thought out. we both agreed we would not come to that point, unless we were in it for the long haul. and i am happy with that. he is a great person. and respects me very much.
i hope you can find someone like that one day. remember, a real relationship has much more to it than just having sex. waiting is a good thing. i waited a long time, (seriously, several years since i was divorced). i just tried to put that part out of my mind, and kept moving on. it was hard sometimes. sometimes i wanted someone to share my bed. but to me, to just have that, is not worth going through a one night stand. in my experience, i'm happy at choosing to wait (again, even though i wasn't a virgin, emotionally i wanted to be one for if it ever happened again for me) being a grown woman, having more control over your actions/decisions, environment can be an advantage.
sorry i keep rattling on and on. hope good things come your way

[Beckers]

It all depends on what you feel. Don't let our judgmental society loom over your shoulder at the end of your date and ruin what could be a great sexual encounter.

I almost had sex with my current bf at the end of our first date, but decided to keep things above the waist instead. After the date, I really felt a spark with him and I was afraid having sex would muddle up what could be genuine feelings for him, not just our sexual chemistry.

[heryseshta]

I had sex with my boyfriend on our second date. I was on some meds that gave me extreme hot flashes so I made a habit of taking off my shirt without thinking. He went to put in a movie and he turned around and I was getting comfortable without my shirt. It progressed from there. We have been going out for over 6 months and he is constantly saying how he wants to marry me someday, not now but in a couple of years. When I'm out of school.
He actually stopped in the middle of us goofing off saying if we wanted to continue I had to agree to try a relationship with him. It was a good way to figure out how things stood between us.

[bonbon143]

In as much as I want to say "just have fun, it's your body..." I need to be a friend here and let you know it's soooo dangerous to do that... I had a friend who contracted herpes from a guy. The guy didn't tell her until she confronted him about it, now she is stuck in this mess.

For your health, please think twice! One slip is all it takes.

Good luck and cheers to your well being!

[passionz2sweet]

[/SIZE]

I had sex with my boyfriend on our second date. I was on some meds that gave me extreme hot flashes so I made a habit of taking off my shirt without thinking. He went to put in a movie and he turned around and I was getting comfortable without my shirt. It progressed from there. We have been going out for over 6 months and he is constantly saying how he wants to marry me someday, not now but in a couple of years. When I'm out of school.
He actually stopped in the middle of us goofing off saying if we wanted to continue I had to agree to try a relationship with him. It was a good way to figure out how things stood between us.

My story is simular...Me and my bf have been together for 7 months now. And on our first date we went with our feelings and ever since then we have hit it off. Like everyone has said it depends on the individual. I always have to ask myself am I doing this because I want it or because of him? Never would I do it to please the guy because you"ll always end up hurt or self-conscious. For me sex can make or break a relationship...meaning if the sex is not good then the chances of our relationship working is slim Also when I decided to have sex i wasn't looking for a relationship, luckily it just happened. And I know that my boyfriend loves me and his family does too. He even wants me to move with him and start a family of our own.