[5thelement]

I met this guy a few weeks ago, super nice, has 2 little boys. He says he wants to ask me out for a drink, but never does. Then at my fave bar,I see him with this older woman and he introduces us. He says he is broke all the time and can't afford to go out, so she takes him out and pays for his beer. He tells his gal-pal that " This is the woman I want to be with" She says " all he does is talk about you, give him a chance". I am so confused here ok! So I ask him why is he with her then? Just cause she pays? It's real awkward! He told me to not be jealous! he didn't think I was that type, I told him I wasn't then he explained...the part about being broke and he was apologetic! Should I date him knowing this...should I give him a chance! I think the child support is why!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Why is he broke? You say child support but you have to ascertain if he can stand on his own two feet.

To have a woman buy him drinks, knowing that he needs to get out and can't otherwise, and she supports this, is okay...

But, there could be other reasons, such as, he doesn't work, or wouldn't aim high in life and try to obtain more income...

Organise a time when he will be there and talk to him, before dating him persay and find out about him. Then you will know for sure.

You don't want to be replaced by this woman, and support him all your life either....

Find out if it's within his power and he's lazy and a deadbeat, or whether there is a good enough reason and this reason wouldn't be forever.

CW

[Ashlee T.]

Well, I dunno.....I just feel like there's too many guys out there to go for the one that tells you he wants to see you then doesn't, has no money, lets his "gal pal" take him out to bars and pay for his drinks. Ya know?

He could take you for a walk, go hiking, have a little picnic......lots of different inexpensive things if he was a guy worth giving a chance.

And yeah, I'd be concerned as to why exactly he's so broke he can't even afford a drink...or if he just perhaps enjoys someone taking care of him.

Nothings lost here.........yet. I'd move on.

[grrrr]

I don't know about this one.... I hope that he's pouring his money into some sort of college fund for the kids.....

Even at my most broke, I never relied on anyone to pay my way. I just budgeted better.

Agreed, though - there are lots of inexpensive things to do.... and they can be more fun than going to a bar!

[Hopeless Dork]

Well this woman is likely lonely and insecure. She's willing to spend money on this guy just to have his company even while he persues other women in front of her.

He sounds like a user who doesn't really care about peoples feelings. Yep thats my gut reaction even in only hearing just those few sentences about this person.

Anyone that would take advantage of someone and for something as frivalous as booze is probably not a winner.

If he relies on women to buy his booze, what next? "Oh i am living with this other lady I don't sleep with her though... she just doesn't charge me rent so I stay here". "Sorry I can't make it to lunch with you, I would but you see... karen, or susie or melanie is buying me lunch and well... I'd rather eat free" Those are conversations that are probably not so far fetched based on what you've already shared.

I feel for him if he's down on his luck, but I'd have more respect for him if he offered to take you hiking or even brought you home to make you a pack of 29cent ramen noodles then him bringing along women on his dates with you guys so that they can buy him drinks. Real Dbag move.

You have nothing invested in this guy but a little attraction, my vote is to move on before you get sucked in.

Thats not to say don't date broke guys. There are a lot of guys that are amazing men and on tight budgets; economy, divorce/alimony/child support and so on ... and they are just as worthy of dating and loving as rich or financially secure men... but they have to have some dignity about themself as in not dragging some poor confidence lacking woman out with them to to buy them drinks while they persue other women. Thats foul.

[5thelement]

Thank you all for the advise! I do know he has a lanscaping business and he is paying child support on 2 boys! He is rarely out drinking also! He says he is "child free" this weekend and I should call him! I think it is the child support! Here in Texas if you make decent money they take more out of your check. I also know that he takes care of the guys that work for him, because he knows what it's like to be broke. He knows I won't support him either! I am going to talk to him about it! And yes there are things to do that are cheap or cost nothing! Too bad our beaches are full of seaweed, we can't walk the beach...LOL it is nasty right now! I am taking all thoughts into consideration here. Being single is a big challenge, and I meet lots of men, but they all seem to have a situation! I've met some reall winners...LOL... the ones that live with the ex-wife or ex-gf, sister, mother, aunt! Now the ones that let another woman pay thier way while persuing a relationship with another woman. And there is the guy who is taking care of a drunk/druggee ex-wife cause the husband can't put up with her and her 2 kids!!What's next? I guess it is survival in any manner!

[jns]

In many ways it would be just as pathetic if it was a guy friend buying. Somewhere out there is the right guy for you, the one who will knock your socks off. I don't think he is that guy.

[Joey]

If hes sponging off his gal pal, then he will more likely start to sponge off you.

[sourpuss]

If hes sponging off his gal pal, then he will more likely start to sponge off you.

Exactly what I was thinking! And who wants to be around someone who will hang out with someone for the sole reason that they pay. If you're broke, then don't go out. Unless they are good friends and she's offering to pay because she knows his situation. That's different. And if that's the case, why didn't he just say they were friends?

Something smells fishy to me.

[jns]

I decided to rethink this situation, so I reversed the roles, considering a case where a gal is out drinking with an older man who is paying, etc., etc., etc. That would sound like a sugar daddy. This case may not be platonic. The older woman may be paying for a relationship.