[YoRazaMaNaza]

OKay, so me and my partner have been dating for 2 years, and for quite some time now I've been suspicious. I've caught him out a couple of times, but never physically, its always been either he's left his phone open, or he left the computer screen on accidently, but he's always had an excuse. Because his dad is single, he says his dad uses his pictures and info to get girls. at the time i didnt beleive it, but i wanted to.
So i decided to do something about it, I dont want any judgment towards me, I feel so guilty from doing this but i had no choice. I made a fake account on oasis active, i found my bf, and he added me and started chatting to me, wanting to have fun and send pictures. I feel so guilty about doing this, but honestly, i couldnt do this to myself anymore, i always tried to talk about it, but because it was always 2nd hand i found out, he could always make up an excuse.
This guy is the first guy I've ever loved, and I feel soo.. just so betrayed and hurt. I was just wondering what i should do?
I mean i no deep down what i have to do, I dont want to but... i no i have to. its because i love this guy so much, and i wish this wasnt happening but it is. Sorry but I just needed to let it out. :'-(

[WildChild]

Sounds like you had a real need to be certain. Now what are you going to do about what you've found?

[Mes T]

Aw. I'm sorry you have to go through something like that.

I think most of us would agree.. that ultimately you might have to let him go. He sounds not ready for a truly committed relationship, or maybe he's just not that interested in you anymore. Whatever the case may be, sounds like he's made the decision. The rest is up to you - do you let him have his cake and eat it too or do you show him, the hard way, that there are consequences to these types of actions? That you value and love yourself enough to say, NO, I will not be treated this way?

When I broke up with my first love (of 3 years), I was devastated. I didn't think I could move on, but I did. Everything about my life is better now than it was... I have high hopes for you, should you decide to leave him.

Edit: Right, I just realized that I'm basically trying to push one decision over any others, and I don't mean to. I'm aware that there are tons of couples who actually can move past cheating, among other things. But that takes a lot of commitment from both parties!

[YoRazaMaNaza]

Yeah i no exactly what to do, its just doing it, thats the problem. I dont think he's over me, everyday he's reminding me how lucky he is, and how gorgeous i am. I just feel discusting, i feel like everything ive done for him was all just nothing.

My boyfriend is in thousands and thousands in dollars of debt, and i have helped out so much towards that, not because i felt as though i had to, but because i loved him and i new he'd do the same. I was constantly a wallet for him, and i was starting to feel like he expected it. He never did anything with me, i'm not 'aloud' to go out with him on weekends, drop me off here, pick me up from their. I really am starting to feel like just a convinience, at the start, it was a favour here and their, now he expects it. i'm sorry i dont no what this has to do with it, but i suppose every worry or suspicion or doubt i had about it is all coming together today.

[Mes T]

Don't hesitate if you wanna let all of it out on WH... we're here to listen, and many of us can relate to some of the same stuff you're experiencing.

It's not so bleak if you treat every misfortune as an opportunity to learn, so that it doesn't get repeated.

You now know (the hard way unfortunately) that relationships are give and take, not just give give give. And someone who isn't invested in you full-time is not worth it, if you are looking for an honest and committed relationship.

Him telling you all those sweet things... do they really hold meaning? To him? And now, to you? Are they just... words? Words that he knows will keep you there just a little longer?

[sourpuss]

It's not so bleak if you treat every misfortune as an opportunity to learn, so that it doesn't get repeated.

This was the one thing that really helped me get over breaking it off with my ex of 6 years. It was the only thing that helped me stay positive and not feel sorry for myself and be bitter.

It's always hard, but you know you have to leave. This situation is very unhealthy and you deserve MUCH better. You just need to muster the emotional strength to do it. But don't waste anymore time. Two years is a long time, but at the same time, it's really not. Some people go their whole lives like this. Don't waste another moment allowing yourself to be treated like this.

Be proud that you tried and that you were a good girlfriend and begin to be proud that you're making the choice to take care of yourself.

[Yvee]

I know it sounds like a bogus story, but how do you know that it wasn't his dad you were talking to? Maybe he was telling the truth...

Honestly, I just wanted to say good luck!
I'm not at all sure what I would've done in the same situation.

[YoRazaMaNaza]

Yeah i completly agree, at the start, him asking me for favours was a favour, now he expects it and all it is, is give give give on my behalf. thats my problem. I completly understand that 2 years is a long time, but at the same time its not. I saw him last night, as my housing situtation atm isnt great, i had no choice but to see him, i pulled up and sat in my car for a bit and calmed myself down. I saw his face and cried. I didnt tell him what was wrong, my excuse was i was tired. I think he new something was wrong, they can tell these things. He kept coming into the room all the time, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and forehead and it was so hard. the tears were bubbling up. Ovcourse I wanted to say something, but I wanted to sleep on it, to work out everything. Calm down, and as my work mates have said, you unfortuantly have to wait until the right moment to say it. which does make sense.
I no i have to leave, it is very very hard to think about. Me sleeping on it last night, was a good thing, because my situation atm is hard and it certainly helped in that way. but at the same time, its made it harder to want to tell him that i no. but even reading back on what i just said, "its made it harder to want to tell him that i no" makes me think OMG that man's cheating on you, why is it hard. I dont no why it is. but its going to happen. leaving it go longer and longer will just make it harder.

[Mes T]

There really is no "right" moment to talk about something like this, but yes sooner is definitely better.

If you think you'll get really emotional during the conversation, I'd recommend writing it all down beforehand when you're calm and collected and just reading what you have to say to him off the paper. I've done so, and for me it worked better than just speaking off the top of my head.

And I also agree with what you said, that 2 years is a long time, but... it's also NOT.

People break up after being together 20 years, 30 years, an entire lifetime! 2 years is nothing. Give yourself the fresh start you deserve.

[YoRazaMaNaza]

Thank you so much, you've all been such a great help!! I'll let you no how it goes.