[snuffie]

Hi ladies and gents,

I've just been thinking what qualities / traits makes a person high maintainance in a relationship?

and do you think your high maintainance? or maybe your partner is?

and if a person was high maintainance would it put you off a relationship with them?

[snuffie]

I would say high maintainance is liking nice quality things, treats, ect and also emotionally high maintainance, wanting to know how people feel about you and wanting them to tell you that!

I would say im high maintainance, but I work hard for my money and love spending it on what I like, I wouldn't expect anyone else to fund that for me, but suprises and treats are nice, and emotionally again yes I am, but I know that i reciprocate the behaviour and feelings and make people feel loved.

what would you all say?

Is it a bad trait?

[Joey]

hmm...im not really sure if I know what High Maintenance is exactly.

From what I thought High Maintenance was - I always thought my brothers girlfriend was. She demands a lot of things and gets pretty much her own way with everything she wants from my brother, and all she has to stick out her bottom lip like a baby. (which unfortunatly I have seen her do a few times!) She has him well and truely wrapped round her little finger. He recently got a really good job getting good money for them both, but because he was away for more then she liked, she threw a strop and he jacked it in.

Does that class as high maintenance? or just a selfish cow?

[snuffie]

I've never stuck my bottom lip out ever, well not from about the age of 5 at least!! I would say wrapped around their little finger is different to high maintainance but thats because I've never felt that I have done that and my relationships are give and take!! but I could be wrong. Hope I'm not like your brothers girlfriend, i've never stropped!!

I think i might just take a bit more input!!!

[rcoreyus]

I think of "high maintenance" as someone who always needs something from you. They want proof you care about them (flowers / gifts - disaster if you forget an important occasion), need you to do things for them (shopping, gas the car, etc), get stuck and need to be "rescued". You find that you spend a lot of time doing favors for them, but somehow they are never in a position to do the same for you.

Don't get me wrong - doing favors for someone is fine - but it should be balanced .

[WildChild]

I agree with Rcoreyus, they always need from you, but aren't much on giving. If they do it's a production and you'd better be eternally grateful. They eat up your time and energy.

[caterpillar79]

I agree with RC as well. Somehow I also find some similarity to being needy - a fine line, but yes, somehow similar.

[snuffie]

so reciprocation is the key?

If it's all one way traffic that is high maintainence, but if they match what they expect and enjoy doing so thats not?

I can see that point of view, and agree

[KMonte85]

I never really think of high maintenance people as requiring a lot of expensive trinkets or favors.. to me its more of an emotional/insecurity thing. Thinking of someone I know who I consider high maintenance... she requires constant attention and approval. She craves to be the center of every conversation and gets moody when she's not (resentful, loud, pouty, etc), and she gets almost offended when she doesn't get the kind of attention she thinks she deserves. She reads wayyyyyy too much into the words and actions of her friends/family/boyfriend, thinking anything they say or do is directed towards her all the time, always personalizing every little thing.

Yeah, a real peach to be around... luckily, I don't see her much. But to me she is the epitomy of a "high maintenance" person.