[lushley666]

Friday is nearly here - the sun is shining and my boyfriend has been on call all week so he hasnt had a drink so he is dying to meet up with his loser mates in the pub tommorow and I am ssssttrrreeesssseeed. I know what his mates are like - they hang round the student bars oggling woman and it stresses me to the point that I have checked the weather, seen the sun is gonna be shining and I feel physically sick because he might go out and meet someone else - so tomorrow I will end up drinking, worrying till I fall asleep and wish my Friday away. I could go out but I can't really afford it and I wouldnt enjoy it worrying about him - I wish i didnt feel like this, God , I hate Fridays....

[WildChild]

If this is a regular cycle then why is he your boyfreind?
If you are worrying about him meeting someone else there must not be much commitment.
How about surprising him with a friday treat? Seduce him creatively. Wear him out happily - forget the booze for both of you.

[lushley666]

It's his regular lads Friday night - nothing ever happens - they meet up, have a few drinks then go back to one of their homes and play computer games - he has always done this so I can't stop it - it's just that 'what if' in the back of my mind - I'm feeling fat old and frumpy and I think he will look for soemone thinner and younger. he says he is happy with me and when we are together it's amazing but when we are apart it's like I dont exist. The thing is if I go out and I dont text and phone him he gets paranoid but not to the extreme that I do - maybe it's the age difference, my insecurities or the fact he acts so differently when we arnt together - I dunno but I just want Friday gone! Gosh, sometimes I feel so pathetic that a man can have this affect on me!

[sourpuss]

What is your age difference? If Fridays are his buddy days, then make Friday your day to do what you'd like as well. Don't sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Go out with your girlfriends, go to a movie, go for a hike, go shopping. Whatever makes you happy and relaxed.

[lushley666]

I no I should do this but I think I am not in a good place at the moment - I dont feel like socialising -My BF is 28 and I am 38 but he looks so young. We get on so amazingly but I do get really really paranoid because very early on he nearly strayed -we broke up over it and went our seperate ways for 5 weeks then he said he missed me and wished we hadnt finished and we got back together - I suppose it's that thing about he was tempted once can he be tempted again? he swears he is happy with me and he doesnt want anyone else and I do beleive him - I think I am just a paranoid and not happy with myself as I have put a bit of weight on - maybe I should go for a jog tomorrow and lose my fat behind!

[Hopeless Dork]

Ahhh now I see why you feel the way you do it. Worrying about him straying is NOT paranoia if he has done it before it. Its fear that whatever let him do that in the first place can allow him to do it again.

But guess what?! Whether you have a relaxing fun friday night... or spend it pulling your hair out in fear -- he's going to do what he's going to do. Whether its be faithful, or cheat. Making yourself sick over something you have no control over is fruitless.

You can only control YOUR actions and responses, take comfort in that. If you want this relationship to work... then trust him and relax... if you know that if he strays again, you will leave him then take a deep breath and decide to cross that bridge if an when you come to it.

Why be miserable anticipating it? If the fear is so strong that you are unable to relax, you might need to re-think this relationship, if he shattered your trust beyond repair (which does happen sometimes with affairs) you might have to pack it in.

But if you believe in your heart he's redeemed his character and will be loyal to you or at least be honest with you if he feels he can't be... then let go of the fear. BE confident with your decision to let this relationship go if it happens again, and let it rest with that.

Even if he stayed in on fridays, he can go to the store on tuesday and give a cashier his number and start up something behind your back all the same. You can't tie him to a chair in your basement... thats not love. I'll agree that hanging out in clubs puts him in a riskier environment... especially while drinking but the thing is -- if he wants more than what you give -- he will seek it, this way or that way. If he's content he won't.

And whether or not he's content has nothing to do with you , how you look or what you do for him. It has to do with him, where he is at in life and what he wants for his future. And only HE can decide what matters to him.

Only YOU can decide what you are willing to put up with. You have that power, to leave if he can't treat you how you deserve. But you can't freak out, and drive yourself crazy anticipating worst case scenerio... it isn't healthy.

Does he ever invite you out with him on friday night? Maybe going with him once can ease your mind a bit. A guys night out is usually not as seedy as you build up in your mind. Typically even the single ones in the bunch are going to strike out with the ladies. They are going to stand around, bs with each other... get drunk, hoot and hollar at some young ladies that are likely going to be disinterested :P

The single life for the typical young guy is NOT like an episode of entourage with hotties swarming them lol. Its usually composed of spending lots of money on drinks for girls that end up giving them awkward glances and rejection and going home alone... a LOT.

He probably goes to the pub feeling awesome that he doesn't have to try to impress girls, can just relax and hang with his buddies and know he's got something wonderful warming up his bed.

[lushley666]

Thank you so much for that - he says he is happy with me and he doesnt want anyone else - he is with me almost every Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday! He tells me he loves spending time with me and I do trust him! Your right though, if he wanted to look else where then there is no amount of worrying and stressing that is going to stop him and the more moody and vile I am to him the more I will push him away (there has been nasty drunken texts from me to him occaisonally). I have been with him very occasionally on his friday night and it usually ends up with them all going back to one of their homes and falling asleep! My friends all say I am mad to worry and that he has punched way above his weight but I just look at him and think what the heck is he doing with me!! But tonight I have a DVD ready - a nice chilled bottle of wine (I was going to go out but I was unwell last night and dont feel too great today) - I am not gonna drink too much and I am not going to stress over something I cannot control - might even dig me yoga dvd out! thanks so much xxxxxxx

[rhiannon34]

If you believe you are too frumpy, and not good enough for him, you will be right.
Would you want to be with a guy that was always down on himself, and freaked smooth out anytime you wanted to hang with your friends?? Or constanly assuming you will cheat with someone else? I wouldn't. You have insecurity issues and they may end up driving him away.