[snuffie]

This is a post from hind sight isn't actually on going but happened to me recently,

I was suspicious about a relationship between my ex man and a female friend, they had a very close relationsip, discussed their relationships and sex life between each other, which made me uncomfertable and I made this known to my ex. (he has many female friends many of whom are ex girlfriends which I was ok with however I felt differently about this one)

They didn't see each other while we were together due to his work but kept in touch frequently via text, phone and e-mail. I saw a message while sat next to my ex on the sofa that made me even more uneasy and I asked if they had ever dated or had sex, yes they had sex but not dated or had a relationship. This ate away as the relationship continued and eventually It ate away at me till I looked at his phone, I found photos of her flashing parts of herself in a message which admittedly were sent before he met me but he had kept them, I confrounted him and he said that he had forgotten about them and that there was nothing going on between them, I believed him, discussed taming back his conversations with her as it made me unhappy and uncomfertable and we carried on happily until 2 months ago after the contact increased I became suspicous once again and found new graphic photos of her that she sent him stating that she "wanted him". I again confronted him and he said she had sent them he hadn't asked for them but he hadn't told her to stop that he loved me and I was the only one he wanted. He remained adiment when we split that he hadn't and didn't want her he wanted me.

What do you think ladies? This relationship really contibuted to my insecurity in the relationship!

[samanthatallon]

i think it means no, he may have been telling the truth, I had a similar problem with my partener who i am still with, i knew he had photos from previous relationships of different women in various ways, he said they were like his trophies, he liked to keep a momento, i was fine with it for a while, but then i became suspicious, and i caused all kinds of trouble, i become a nervous banshee of a wrecked train! i always asked him and he always sais (he is proud of this statement, but i was unsure how to feel about this ego trip sentance) i quote '' i have never been faithful before i was with you, you are the first, i wont stray because i love you and i want to marry you''. I mean come on as sweet as it was and straight to the point it kind of made me worse, knowing he had never ever stayed faithful in a relationship. It took me time to realise that in fact it was all me, i simple asked him to put the photos where ever he liked as long as i didnt find them, he never hid them from me you see, we are very open, he told me about them when we got serious and stressed that it was only a porn thing, he liked to reminisce, and its harmless and fantasy. It took me a while, but i got around it, our sex life was pretty bad at that time, he has a funny thing for the first year after a woman has a baby, he said he couldnt look down there the same. I got sleep, so i didnt mind so much.

What i am trying to say is that i think its all down to how much you trusted him, I wouldnt trust her as she was trying way too hard, and he may have flirted with her. As its on a plate for him, women like that drive me crazy.

If he had cheated the signs would have been there and its clear you didnt know weather to trust him, so for your own benefit you probably made the right choice in moving on, and he should have made an effort to explain to this woman, that she was bang out of order.

Sorry for the jabbering, i really twaddle on , lol

Just hope it helps

[snuffie]

thanks

I thought I did trust him, but I guess my insecurities showed that on another level I didnt if you catch my drift? I loved him with all my heart still do. I think it hurt more the second time as I asked some leading questions to see if he would tell me about the pictures and he didn't so I had to ask him straight out and he the admitted it. If he had come to me and said look what **** has sent me just want you to know or by the way somethings have been said and I have now laid the law down I would of been fine. I never asked him to stop contact with her I was never a demanding girlfriend. He was even planning to go see her during his leave and I wasn't happy but I didn't protest. We didn't split because of these messages it was another reason but I think I could deal with it better if he had so I could get out the I HATE MEN banner.

[rhiannon34]

I try not to go by, is this cheating or not. There are so many levels of contact and closeness in a relationship for it to be that black and white. I try to see it as, would I feel like I was doing wrong if I did this, and does this hurt me?

[snuffie]

I try not to go by, is this cheating or not. There are so many levels of contact and closeness in a relationship for it to be that black and white. I try to see it as, would I feel like I was doing wrong if I did this, and does this hurt me?

Would that have hurt and upset you rhiannon34?

It did me that after all the feelings about that friendship I had made known, it continued in the same vein. That is what hurt me the most, admittedly the graphic photos weren't great either!!

[Joey]

I will never understand, and probably never will, why some girls and guys feel the need to keep pictures of their ex's naked or with just their bits hanging out. Keeping them as a trophy?? seriously?? isnt that swaying towards being a stalker?

I would never keep pictures of that nature of my ex boyfriend. 1, because i know how i would feel if i stumbled upon an ex picture fest that my boyfriend kept and 2, because why would I want pictures of my ex like that, when i have a new boyfriend body to be gorking at?? To me it just doesnt make sense.

[Hopeless Dork]

I wouldn't consider a guy that kept a masturbation file of exes pictures to be relationship material, no. It's creepy, for one. And for 2 it shows how he views the people he dates as purely sexual objects. Just another pic for the wank file, thanks for stopping by... be sure to sign the consent form on the way out the door ma'am.

I want a guy that can leave the past in the past. Talking about an ex gf is a big enough no-no, keeping a folder on his desk top to masturbate to them is just... beyond anything a guy could reasonably expect a girl that loves him to be okay with.

[Joey]

I want a guy that can leave the past in the past. Talking about an ex gf is a big enough no-no, keeping a folder on his desk top to masturbate to them is just... beyond anything a guy could reasonably expect a girl that loves him to be okay with.

I couldnt agree more. How could any guy or girl that does this really expect their current SO to be happy with it? Even with the old 'but it means nothing to me' excuse is just a load of tripe. If it meant nothing to you, then why do you have it? if it truely meant nothing to you, it would have been history a long time ago.

[lushley666]

I would be wearing his testicles as earings - I am quite open minded but this sounds all so wrong! Trophies???

[snuffie]

So I was right to be upset and hurt by this? espeacially the new photos???