[lushley666]

My BF has been on a relativly poorly paid job - I think I have posted about him borrowing money and me paying for lots of stuff. He just rang to say he has got a promotion which means much more money and I hate it!! I really dont know why but I have this feeling of dread...the first person he rang was me and i said congratulations and I was really pleased but then I am thinking that he has more money to go out and then he is going to meet someone else blah blah blah...I feel sick with worry and it's completely unfounded - maybe it's my lady time approaching!! I hate him always having no money but now I hate the fact he has more money...what the heck is wrong with me??!!

[sourpuss]

What's missing in your relationship that you feel the security of your money is the only thing keeping him around?

[SaharaJim]

Rather walk on broken glass with barefeet than "diagnose" a "woman's problem" but is that possibly what is going on here? Maybe there isn't anything "wrong" with the relationship but you are having a "hormonal" day and it is messing with your mind. You say your worry is "unfounded"- and you are in the position to know about this we are not. BUT you did the right thing congradulating him on the promo- it does solve what may have been a serious problem(IMHO)- I suggest you just let things sit for a couple of days and see how you feel about it. Pamper yourself a little...post and talk with others. You are fine and things are going to be OK.

[LanaBear]

From your past posts, hun, you are SO insecure over this relationship. You really really need to try and shake this. It seems that everything just compounds your insecurities with him. His age, friends, habits, now a promotion and salary increase.

All this insecurity can have the potential to drive him away. You need to stop and relax and realize that this man loves you. Do you think you may benefit from going to counseling? Are you open and honest with your boyfriend? Does he know your true emotions about your relationship?

[Mes T]

Hon, a man going from having to borrow money from his girlfriend to making enough of it on his own is a VERY, VERY good thing. Heck I'd say that men who are struggling with money are more likely to do stupid things like cheat, because they're unhappy! Don't you think? Money, for many people, many men especially, even now in society, helps to define them, define their masculinity, their worth...

Where do your insecurities stem from, honestly?

[Hopeless Dork]

Rather walk on broken glass with barefeet than "diagnose" a "woman's problem" but is that possibly what is going on here?

Rofl. I get really really sensitive right before my period... like sometimes a week before to just a couple days before. I am not a very thick-skinned person to begin with but on those days I am pretty vulnerable to insecurities and getting my feelings hurt from something that otherwise may have just bugged me a little... but at that time in my cycle it goes from bugging me a little to turning into a huge ordeal.

My boyfriend is very aware of my nature and this pattern so he's a little more careful with me at certain times... and I always thank him for it later. I remember one night I had a big fit about something and the next day I appologised... I was going to tell him it was likely just my impending period making that reactional but... before I got the chance to, he said -- I figured it was just your hormones.

WHATTTTTTTT. Even though... I was totally about to say, it was just my hormones... HIM saying it first, him assuming (although correct) really burned my britches lol.

You are right to use caution assuming a woman is behaving hormonally... even if she is lol.


For the OP. Dear you are obsessing too much. You are too worried about him leaving you, him cheating on you to actually enjoy this relationship. Don't spend your time on the edge of your seat waiting for this thing to end. Instead enjoy it for what it is to you right now, and how he treats you right now... if he starts to distance, then cross that bridge and decide to let go if he's not making you feel special and wanted..

But you are pre-emptively dooming this relationship, being filled with gloom and doom... and thats no way to live. If he makes you feel insecure, address what issues lead to your insecurities. If they are tangible things that he can handle differently to make you feel better... discuss that. Communicate ways that he can comfort you and reassure you. Its not his job to fix your insecurities... but if he loves you, it won't be too hard for him to help ease them when they arise if he can.

[Joey]

Where do your insecurities stem from, honestly?

I was just thinking the same as Mes - Have you had past relationships that havent ended well? maybe your ex didnt treat you as you deserved? I know that a lot of my insecurities are from my past relationships and how i was treated in certain ways.

Im guessing (correct me if im wrong!) that from reading your past threads, that most of your insecurities may have developed from your boyfriends actions - such as texting girls, going out with his mates on wild parties (especially the annoying ones)?

Insecurities are an ugly thing - i should know i can be terrible at times. If my boyfriend goes to a party without me, i try and find a way of sussing out the people hes going with beforehand. *cringe!!*. but i would like to feel that im not as bad as that anymore. HD is completly right though - you are missing your relationship because you are worrying to much about the 'what ifs' and the 'buts' which are highly unlikely to happen anyway.

[lushley666]

Thanks - I sort of made a comment to BF last night - we went for a celebration drink and I jokingly said "oh, your gonna earn lots of money and leave me cos your high and mighty now." and laughed and he said "thats what I thought when you got your new job." I was gobsmacked! I asked him why he hadnt said anything and he said he would have felt stupid telling me and that he half expected me to find a rich older guy at my new job and leave him! I said "Oh and theres me just coming out with it and looking the fool" and he laughed and said "I am happy with you - I dont want any one else - it just means I can treat you more like you have treated me." So my whole day of being a jelous worried stressed mess was a waste and I really need to spend less time analysing the negatives and just enjoy!

[WildChild]

good show.

[Joey]

aww thats nice :-)