[Hmmm<3]

So I dont even know if this will be a question or me venting or what, but anyone who reads its much appreciated

My ex (whom I have a 9 month old little girl with) and I split up in the begining of April. I broke up with him for many reasons mainly because I never got over him cheating on me which happened many times in the first 3 years of our relationship but im not sure about the final year. Anyways, I have been wanting to get back out on the dating scene for about a month now. I haven't dated in 4 years and I was in high school when we got together so I really dont have a clue how it really works lol. So I started internet dating mostly because I have our daughter full time and I dont go out to "meet" people much. I really dont know what I want right now so im confusing the out of myself and everyone else.

Since spliting I have given oral to two guys and had sex with one, which isnt really like me. I dont know if im just having fun or exploring or if im trying to "keep" guys interested in me, my best friend has said she is concerned because I drove 2 hours to meet a guy and ended up giving him oral and spending the night. Before going to see him we talked for a few weeks and started to convey sexual stuff. I have never done this before but I guess now I realize that I dont know these men no matter what they tell me so he may be nothing like the impression I got.

I guess all in all im just frustrated because im lonely and I really want to be dating but I dont know if im ready or if what im doing is wrong.

How long after a long term relationship should you remain single? Is it wrong to do sexual stuff with a guy if I want long term potential? How do I know if I have a serious problem lol. (Im concerned that im trying to fill a void in my life with a man) How do I fix it if I do?

[jns]

I've never internet dated, and I'm sure my wife would be mad if I started so it won't happen, but everything I've heard about it makes me think that the lies spread in bars are of a lesser degree. You seem to be taking things too fast. Do you go to the park so your little girl gets to be outside where others are? Maybe I'm too old fashioned, but my other suggestions are the beach, church and festivals. You should be able to find guys that you can get to really know.

[rcoreyus]

As long as you are taking care of your physical safety (disease and otherwise), I think right and wrong only depend on how you feel. There is nothing wrong with going out and having sex with guys if you enjoy it. Maybe it is giving you something you have been missing for a long time. On the other hand, if you are not enjoying it, and are just doing it in an attempt hang onto guys, I don't think that is a good idea.

My take on it is that for men who are interested in you for the long term, it won't matter if you have sex right away or not. Some may be attracted by your open passion, some may be driven away. If you are looking for men to whom sex and passion are an important part of life, then I don't think it hurts to have sex early in a relationship.

It is easy for people to appear to be something they are not on the internet - but that is true in other meeting places. I think the only way to date someone you know about is for you to be acquaintances and friends first.

So, my advice to you is do what feels right to YOU. Have fun, don't feel pressured (either way).

[Hmmm<3]

Thanks for both your posts.

jns; I do go out with my daughter but I dont meet anyone lol. Maybe im doing something wrong haha.

rcoreyus; Thank you for your response. I like to think im a level headed person and have common sense but at the same time im a people pleaser. My best friend expressed concern so my brain went crazy over analyzing everything I did. In the process I emailed the guy I went to visit and told him all this stuff I wasnt even sure myself was true, not I regret doing it. I have no idea what im looking for at the moment but I dont think that looking for the one will get anyone anywhere, love happens. I guess right now I really just want to go with the flow and have fun, I am only 20! Lol.

With all that said now I feel like a niny for jumping the gun and emailing this guy who I would like to get to know better. So I now have a new question This is the email I sent to him, does anyone think there is a way for me to recover without sounding like im psycho? Sorry its so long, you get a hero cookie if you read it though

"""""""So I dont really know where to start or how to say any of this.

After talking to Sarah today and her saying she is concerned about me I realized how out of character I have been acting lately and it really bothered me. I have never been the girl to sleep around or doing anything sexual for that matter until I really feel comfortable with someone. Although I do feel comfortable with you, I was still pretty nervous even after sleeping there so I was obviously not at that point with you. This is also relavant to the almost threesome and the random sex after Kyle and I split up. Combine this with the fact that I dont know you from Adam and could have potentially been hurt by coming to see you last night; I realized my thinking is clearly out of whack. Dont get me wrong I enjoyed last night/this morning tremedously but I went away from it feeling like I messed up royaly and I couldnt figure out why, after all I should be able to make mistakes and have fun, I am 20 lol.

I guess I just realized that I really like you and legitamitly wanted to come to your house and cuddle and just be with you for the sake of enjoying your company but I turned things sexual because I felt like I had to do something to keep you interested when in reality I know thats ridiculous. This coming from someone who loves who she is. I feel like crying lol, what was I thinking? I think my ex really messed me up and now I dont even know how to be me anymore, I was so confident and had strong values and a "If you dont like me for me then your not worth my time" attitude before him. Now im feeling like I have to give to keep someone interested. I could elaborate but your with your nephew and I dont want to take up too much of your time so i'll quit here.

Anyways I know this sounds like a load of emotional baggage so I get it if your not interested anymore, and I wont be offended. If you are great, but from here on out I need to take things slow and get to know you before I jump into bed, since I think this is the only way to know im not doing it for the wrong reasons.

This morning was fun, and I was legitamitly into the head lol, so dont think that was faking.

Have a good night Thanks for being so great, like I said you will make some woman very happy someday, you have certainly done that for me.""""""

[Hopeless Dork]

Online relationships tend to escalate sexually rather fast. Peoples inhibitions are down when not talking face to face, more likely to say what they really think, want etc... and so if you spend a few weeks online talking and you go to meet, although its your first date... you might feel you are already intimate enough with them to proceed.

So thats the first thing you should avoid when meeting guys online. If they jump into the sexual talk rather quickly... you know what they are about and those are the ones you should avoid. Not that you're not supposed to want sex, but when meeting guys online if in the first few convo's he's discussing sex, chances are he's doing the same thing with 10 other girls, is hedging his bets and just trying to see how many he can land in bed.

There isn't much relationship incentive from those types of guys... and it sounds like that is what you want. Instead of online dating... why not try to get out there and mix a bit. I know you are terribly busy with a 9month old... but the more things you do that cause you to leave your house, the more chances you have to meet genuine people.

Join a gym, take a class, go for walks in the park, let your friends fix you up (I know this one is scary lol) but many people meet through this process. Your married friend may work with a single guy that she can set you up on a blind date with... a cousins friend etc... let your friends and family know you are open to dating and watch them pull numbers out of their rear end of potential suitors

When you get coffee, drink it inside, smile, be open and warm to people. There are a lot of awesome men out there that are too shy to approach, so work on your confidence on starting conversations up with random people you are attracted to in check out lines, etc...

Basically the more you put yourself out there, the more you look up from your shoes and stare the world in the face, the more you will notice that smile from across the room.

I know internet dating works for millions but I don't think there is anything quite like that rush of excitement in seeing someone that makes your heart skip a beat, speaking to them, and feeling that chemistry front and center.

[rcoreyus]

Maybe you could say something to the effect of "I really like you - I just need to take things a bit more slowly". or something like that (if that is true)

Please don't worry what other people think about your behavior, what is important is what you think.

I agree with HopelessDork that you should meet people in other places as well.

[Hmmm<3]

Thanks for the great advice you two.

I guess my issue with meeting people in person is that I am truley shy when I first meet someone, hence why I totally get the whole your inhibitions are down when you dont meet face to face first. I think im definitly going to work on this.

As for this guy, I was actually the one to initiate the whole sexual conversation so im wondering if this means that im the one thats more into the sexual side? Who knows, anyways im feeling much better today about everything I realize that I just need to go with the flow and not get so worked up with what other tell me.

[Hmmm<3]

Would it be corny if I asked if we could start over? And just that I thought there was definitly something there worth exploring?

[rcoreyus]

Asking to start over might be a fine idea .

[Hmmm<3]

Well end result was him telling me he isnt into long distance.

His loss