[justtryingtomakeit]

I was relocated in the office building I work in and was seated next to this girl my age. My first impressions of her were 'yes she’s pretty' but I didn’t allow myself to mentally take it any further because, after all, my desk is right next to hers.

She is naturally chatty and we began talking/ emailing back and forth. Before I knew it I was spending a good chunk of my 9 hour day talking with her (mostly via email)

I wasn’t weary of "the friend zone" at first because I truly wasn’t looking for anything other than a office acquaintance. So many of our conversations were based around this guy she was seeing and the games he was playing. She wanted a male perspective and I was happy to give it. Horrible move in retrospect.

I would speak my mind, I did not take her side or agree with everything she said and I would even tell her when she was acing childish/dumb. The guy turned out to be exactly what I predicted and she cut it off.

Anyway, to the point. I began to catch myself thinking about her a lot when I wasn’t at work. I found myself looking forward to work just to see her. Our flirting picked up, way up. And even though I spend most of the time making fun of her (i.e I told her brunette girls aren’t my type) I am always sure to sneak in a little compliment every now and then which I can tell she appreciates. Not only do we make each other laugh all day but we have become very close. She has told me things not many others don’t know about her. And has told me several times how she feels that she can tell me anything.

From what I have told you thus far I sound like 1000% in "the friend zone". However, she has told me on many occasions she thinks I am very good looking and has told me how she thinks I am a great person, smart , trustworthy, levelheaded, intelligent, that I understand women yada yada ydada. She looks over at me and tells me I’m cute. Last week she began texting me at 11 at night just to "see how I was doing". She invited me out with her and her friends several times and even out alonw with her. (I didn’t go) We have got to the point where we text back and forth brielfy after work hours and she alway texts me on the weekends just to 'see what I am doing'. She jokes around and says we are "soulmates" and she thinks "we could work" but it is always done in a joking manner.

I have done the best I can not to slip further into her "gay best friend zone". I don’t do everything she says or asks, I don’t agree with everything she says, basically I have a back bone. But she does things that seem to make that situation harder. Anytime a guy asks her out she tells me about it and goes as far as to show me his picture and ask me what I think. With that being siad, I can tell she gets jealous when I mention other girls.

My point is...I don’t know where she stands. How she feels about me. If she’s interested. If the situation wasn’t as sensitive(her sitting mere yards away) this wouldn’t be as much of an issue. But that is the reality of the situation. I don’t want to fully reveal my interest but I also like this girl and it has been a looooongg time since I actually liked a girl. I can no longer control myself as much as I once could and find myself hinting my interest towards her daily. Usually just smiling and telling her how cute she looks that day. But last week I was hanging out with an old female friend of mine (one I used to be intimate with) and my crush new this. She texted me later asking me how it went and I told her 'not well, becuase someone else was on my mind'. She played dumb and tried to act like she didnt know who I was talking about but only a few minutes later she asked me what I was doing that night and hinted that she was in the mood to see a movie.

The reason I am having so much trouble is becuase anytime I flirt or show interest she is careful not to reciprocate.She has asked me to hang out several times and I have either been busy or ignored the hint. She does have many many male friends and does hang out with guys frequently jsut as friend. Again I am lost.Do you even think she is interested? How should I proceed? I really like this girl and would be heartbroken if I missed the opportunity.

[Mes T]

Are you adults or in middle school? In all seriousness, my suggestion would be to stop playing games and come out and say/ask what you need to. Save both of you a lot of time and confusion.

[justtryingtomakeit]

I know. I feel incredibley childish about this whole situation. But, it seems that we are both protecting our feelings ,seeing as how we sit so close at work the thought of putting your feelings on the line only to be rejected is terrifiyng. I hear that admitting you lke a girl can do one of two things. Either she will lose interest becuase the mystery and chase is gone and she now knows she could have you if she wants. Or, if she shares the same feelings she would be elated. I want to tell her. Its like a weight I need to get off my chest, but I am being careful. I just want to know, or at least be very confident she is interested before I put it out there. So, once again, from the information I have presented, where do you think she stands?

[Mes T]

It's really hard to say. She could just be flirting for the fun of it. Is she like this with any other of her guy friends, do you know?

I think you're right about the two things that could happen. Obviously the latter is preferred, but if the former happened, i.e. her losing interest, that would still be a huge weight off your shoulders, and then you could just comfortably continue to be friends while being free to look for someone else.

[justtryingtomakeit]

Hmm. Well, is it normal to contact a guy that often, one she thinks is attractive (although she has never said she is attracted to me, and there is a huge difference, I know) if she really has no interest other than to be friends? I cant compare it to other guy friends she has, I dont know any. She knows I'm single, she knows I think shes very pretty, she knows I think shes funny, we get along, I have hinted that I am into her and she hasnt shy'd away but she also has not warmed up either (telling me she feels the same way)

Could she just be protecting herself? Is that normal behavior for women? At this point I am still in the same standstill has before.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Extending the text messages after work, consuming your work time which your boss would hate, And, following through with contact after you caught up with an ex, sounds to me that she's more than a friend, in her mind... but, isn't sure of whether your stiring or not, when you make comments such as "someone else was on my mind"...

I get your reservation of saying anything in-case she says, "oh sorry, I don't see you that way".. so why not attend the next invite she gives you, ie) Movies.. Make that move. You'll clearly see outside of work whether or not ,there is a spark on both sides.

I wouldn't ask my "male" friend to go to a movie with me.

I think your both playing the exact same game.. Fear of rejection so trying to make it all sound friendly.

CW

[jns]

You should go see a movie with her. Try to make it one both of you will enjoy.

[justtryingtomakeit]

I hope you are right CW.

I thought when she asked me how my 'date' went and I told her 'not so well' and that it was because 'I had someone else was on my mind' I thought I had made myself pretty clear. She even "guessed" another girl at work and I said 'I think you know who I'm talking about. But I guess I wasn't as clear as I thought.

You are right. I will need to spend time with her outside of work to see where things really stand. Thank you for your response.

[WildChild]

She's being a bit coy and so are you but do you require a 2 x 4 up side the head to get your attention? Quit ignoring or declining her invites and go out with her already.