[cocoa]

Yes, this is the right question and speaking as a 54 year old man, I can say there are lots of men out there that are moveable and still young at heart.



I agree and this is why I believe that the the 5 - 10 year age difference is optimal because the generations have common ground and there is less chance of the older person speaking down to their partner as if they were a child. I was recently in a relationship (sort of still am) with a younger woman 9 years younger and we related equally. I never pulled rank and, it's true, I do feel younger than my years when we are together. I think I look younger too because of it. In any event, it works.



I think it is mature of you to think in advance of the complications that can exist. If you do get involved, be careful. On the other hand, I have very little baggage and no kids. I was married before, but, she is living in Denmark now. I live in NYC and there are lots of men my age that don't have baggage, so, although, the majority may have kids and some extra baggage, there are many of us who are free spirits. Cocoa, if I may give you a bit of advice, if you are 30, I would not seek out men much older than 10 years if you are interested in a possible long term relationship because of the generation gap - it's real and it exists. Also, I think the older you get the bigger the gap gets. 30 and 45 could be vibrant with lots of movement, but, 49 and 74 (same age difference) is a pretty big gap unless the senior is a very young 74. However, the most important thing to consider is health. Without it, nothing much matters. You might find someone 45 going on 60 because of poor health and then find some one 60 going on 45. So chronological age isn't the best indicator either. I hope this helps from an older man's perspective. Good luck!

Day Tripper

Thx for the response. I wasn't looking for 20+ age difference. I think 10-15 seems reasonable. I'm very conservative/traditional and i don't click with men in my age group (late 20s/early30s) since it seems there's a general tendency to need to prove something. In the end, i'm more interested in compatibility. I'm friends with a 44 year old male (although he comes across as younger than his age) and we get along pretty well. There's no need to work hard at having a conversation - very relaxed; no pretense. Would never have thought it possible to have that sense of comfort or ease with someone in that age group had i not met him. Maturity is very important to me. I don't care about being wined, dined, or impressed (lol) and if someone is expecting someone to "have fun" with just for thrills, i'm not it. Just someone who is appreciative and respectful (which i'm sure you can find in any age group of course). Not sure how all this fits. Maybe i'm making too many biased assumptions about older and younger men. In any case, i'm interested in learning about this from a variety of perspectives.

[pretzel]

Thx for the response. I wasn't looking for 20+ age difference. I think 10-15 seems reasonable. I'm very conservative/traditional and i don't click with men in my age group (late 20s/early30s) since it seems there's a general tendency to need to prove something. In the end, i'm more interested in compatibility. I'm friends with a 44 year old male (although he comes across as younger than his age) and we get along pretty well. There's no need to work hard at having a conversation - very relaxed; no pretense. Would never have thought it possible to have that sense of comfort or ease with someone in that age group had i not met him. Maturity is very important to me. I don't care about being wined, dined, or impressed (lol) and if someone is expecting someone to "have fun" with just for thrills, i'm not it. Just someone who is appreciative and respectful (which i'm sure you can find in any age group of course). Not sure how all this fits. Maybe i'm making too many biased assumptions about older and younger men. In any case, i'm interested in learning about this from a variety of perspectives.

It's not a biased assumption at all, nor is it a comparison between young and old. I personally think that what you described are the things you find important in a partner.

I'd say you have a pretty good idea what it is that attracts you. It's less about age and more about personality although I would extend that to agree that your age differences seem reasonable to me.

[cocoa]

It's not a biased assumption at all, nor is it a comparison between young and old. I personally think that what you described are the things you find important in a partner.

I'd say you have a pretty good idea what it is that attracts you. It's less about age and more about personality although I would extend that to agree that your age differences seem reasonable to me.

Thank you. I didn't want to seem too rigid or stereotypical about age. Everyone has something to offer whether or not it's recognized. But yeah, you're right, i'm more about personality than anything else. Isn't everyone though? Hmm. . . But, overconfidence and arrogance are a definite turn off, which is why i'm looking at a wider age range.

[kygirl]

For me, the age difference would most likely depend on if they wanted kids/if I wanted kids. with a younger man, they may not be ready to have kids for a long time. With an older man mid 40s or above, they may already have kids or may have decided long ago they didn't want children. Also, have to consider health issues. When you get into the over 10 years difference...how would you feel being a spry 65 year old with a husband who is maybe 80 and not moving so well anymore? Of course, there is always the chance something could happen to cause you to be the same way so that part is really a gamble.

Every person is different. Some younger guys are mature and committed. Some older men are not. Just have to play it by ear.

[cocoa]

Every person is different. Some younger guys are mature and committed. Some older men are not. Just have to play it by ear.

Yeah, to make a judgment based on age alone is maybe a bit narrow. But i still think they're some characteristics unique to each age group/range which affect compatibility.

[mr.mansview]

of course there are the older men who haven't really grown up and are looking for a younger, firmer and more enthusiastic sex partner..these men tend to push the sex issue early on in a relationship..a smart and confident woman should have no problem weeding these men out..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Boys will be boys until the day they die right?

They still like to muck about, have fun, I don't think they ever grow up

The man I am with now is the same age as me, I am alot younger in spirit and always have been.

He was married at 33, she 22... for 12 years... He chose me because, he realised the age difference didn't work, they weren't on the same page.

He has goals, passions, dreams and yes, can be a bit protective but he does have an 11 year old daughter, but the bottom line, is "mentally" we are on the same page... We have a great sex life, a great amount of laughter shared, there is great communication and we try to equal things out and share our thoughts always.

So a more mature man has been through alot and therefore, knows what he wants out of life and what he doesn't, I think a younger man is still just mosing on in life, perhaps has his career in place but not the understanding of what constitutes a relationship and how to maintain it, keep it alive and work involved and off course love.

CW

[cocoa]

of course there are the older men who haven't really grown up and are looking for a younger, firmer and more enthusiastic sex partner..these men tend to push the sex issue early on in a relationship..a smart and confident woman should have no problem weeding these men out..

Yeah, not seeking these types out. But the responses have definitely given me a more balanced perspective on this. I don't think age is a reason to judge better or worse. And i can definitely, and i won't be going after anyone (at all), whether older or younger. I won't assume older will be better and i won't continue to assume younger is not a fit. Making a wise and informed decision is best. I know men today, whatever the age, are looking for a particular type of woman, and i'm not it. So, i'll continue to enjoy being single or hope that as time goes by, i have the opportunity to meet people who are a better fit.

[mr.mansview]

I know men today, whatever the age, are looking for a particular type of woman, and i'm not it

.

and what type of women do you think men are looking for and what makes you think that you are not it?

[cocoa]

.

and what type of women do you think men are looking for and what makes you think that you are not it?

To be honest, i really don't know. And i'm really not in any position to say what men or women for that matter are looking for. We all have differing tastes which is what makes us unique.