[AliceJW]

It's a little complicated so i'll start from the beginning. Our relationship started off as friends because we were both going to major in psychology and we met in class and just started hanging out from there and we became great friends. We both wanted more from the relationship but we didn't want to say anything because once classes let out for the summer we were both headed different directions and it wouldn't work. But about two weeks before I left to go visit my mum he came by and I couldn't hold it in any longer and I told him how I felt and he told me he felt the same way. We went out four times and the day before I left he asked me if I would like to be in a relationship with him and I said yes.
But at the time I felt like if I didn't say yes then things would be awkward because we were in bed in the nude and it didn't seem the appropriate time to say "no".
So i went on my trip and was gone for almost a month through which we messaged back and forth and he confessed he loved me, and because I do love him ( just as a close best friend...if more I'm not sure) I told him I loved him too. I got back and we got together and went out and had great times and two days ago he came by with some flowers and a really sweet happy one month anniversary card he made. And I felt so guilty because i'd made nothing of the sort and quite frankly I wasn't aware that it had even really been a month and I just feel as if he's more personally and emotionally invested in this relationship than I am.
It's not that I don't want to be with him but I just feel as though maybe we're rushing into things too fast and I don't know how to tell him that without perhaps hurting his feelings or making it seem as if I'm not interested. He's also switching majors so it will be difficult for us to spend more time together because we're not taking the same classes and we wont be able to work on our assignments together, which is how we got close in the first place.
In the beginning I thought it was just going to be a simple hook up or a friends with benefits type situation, but now that it has sprouted into this whole relationship situation I'm completely lost as to what I should tell him. Should I go on with the relationship the way it is or tell him how I feel and risk ruining the friendship and relationship. It seems like it should be an obvious answer but since we have the same group of friends that makes things even more difficult.
Please help!

[pretzel]

I guess a couple of questions are in order,

Why is the fact that he's changing majors that big a deal. Truth is you're both in college and schedules often conflict. The time you spend together has to then become quality time.

Would you want to be strung along thinking the relationship is more than what it is (in it's infancy) or that a slower more natural progression is more suited?

[AliceJW]

I guess a couple of questions are in order,

Why is the fact that he's changing majors that big a deal. Truth is you're both in college and schedules often conflict. The time you spend together has to then become quality time.

Would you want to be strung along thinking the relationship is more than what it is (in it's infancy) or that a slower more natural progression is more suited?

I guess the fact that he's switching majors shouldn't bother me but i just feel that before it was easier when we we're majoring in the same thing and we could have long drawn out conversations about whatever the lecture was about that day. And i suppose I'm just afraid of losing that aspect of the relationship concerning conversation.

I feel like something slower and more natural would be better because I just feel as if everything is progressing so fast and I barely have time to digest it all.

[pretzel]

Personally, I'd be inclined to let him know that you'd like to slow things down. That doesn't imply stopping the relationship but that you'd be more comfortable at a slower pace and just to let things happen naturally.

[AliceJW]

Personally, I'd be inclined to let him know that you'd like to slow things down. That doesn't imply stopping the relationship but that you'd be more comfortable at a slower pace and just to let things happen naturally.

I know you're right and i just need to find a proper place and time to talk to him about it. But I guess i'm just so scared of telling him anything of the sort because when someone tells you they want to take things slow it just sounds like a cowardly way of saying "I want to break up" which this isn't but i'm just afraid/nervous that it'll come out that way.
For me just feel a twinge of guilt every time he tells me he loves me because I love him but i'm definitely not "in love" with him but i feel like telling him that would break him. I'm his first real relationship, (he's gone out with other girls before but its never been anything official) and I just always feel the pressure to make everything as perfect as possible. which is just kind of stupid, I know.

[pretzel]

I know you're right and i just need to find a proper place and time to talk to him about it. But I guess i'm just so scared of telling him anything of the sort because when someone tells you they want to take things slow it just sounds like a cowardly way of saying "I want to break up" which this isn't but i'm just afraid/nervous that it'll come out that way.
For me just feel a twinge of guilt every time he tells me he loves me because I love him but i'm definitely not "in love" with him but i feel like telling him that would break him. I'm his first real relationship, (he's gone out with other girls before but its never been anything official) and I just always feel the pressure to make everything as perfect as possible. which is just kind of stupid, I know.

You said two things that are very important,

This is his first real relationship and you want to make everything to be perfect as possible.

You may accidentally be giving him a wrong impression first time out.

[Olympia]

You may need to be a little more open..

I know you're right and i just need to find a proper place and time to talk to him about it. But I guess i'm just so scared of telling him anything of the sort because when someone tells you they want to take things slow it just sounds like a cowardly way of saying "I want to break up" which this isn't but i'm just afraid/nervous that it'll come out that way.

State this to him... Be honest!!!
I found myself in the similar situation, he was IN LOVE with me and flowers and a card with poetry he had written. We were not involved in the same major, but we had the same friends.. I was honest and stated that i was not ready to say those words yet and needed a bit more time. Even after feeling comfortable enough to 'Roll in the Hay' with him. I felt very close but not as much as he at that time.. It developed, and we married, that was 27 years ago..(married 25 years and counting).. Not saying your outcome will be the same. I was just reading your thread and the thoughts came pouring out..
Honesty and respect, yours and his, either as friends or lovers..

[Kallygirlie]

I agree with the others. It may not be the answer you want but its the only way. If the relationship is meant to be than you will be able to work on it. Relationships will not work if its built on secrets and awkwardness.

Also, I think the schedule conflict is really an excuse. There is no relationship out there that is "easy". I live with my BF and only get to see him for 30-40 mins a day if traffic doesn't get bad. Not spending tons and tons of time with someone is not always bad. sometimes this actually will allow you to grow closing because you will realize how much you miss him. I say be honest with him and and see what happens.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

left to go visit my mum he came by and I couldn't hold it in any longer and I told him how I felt and he told me he felt the same way. We went out four times and the day before I left he asked me if I would like to be in a relationship with him and I said yes.
But at the time I felt like if I didn't say yes then things would be awkward because we were in bed in the nude and it didn't seem the appropriate time to say "no

".

Seems to me you started to gain feelings for him. He didn't tell you first, you told him. It's a good thing that he asked if you wanted to be in a relationship seeing as you were in bed, he was saying he's not using you.. But, then you say, you said yes, because of that?

So, I'm gaining the impression that those 4 dates were "friends fun" the feelings you thought you had, you don't, he maybe turned softer, once together, the cards, the flowers and your feeling smothered.

If he's doing a different course, it will give you the opportunity to see if you miss him, or not...

You can say, let's take this slow, I am with you because I want to be, but I also need to focus, on College, not just my relationship..

But, it does sound to me you were feeling "I like him" but wanted to date more first and fall more for him before becoming his boyfriend....

The time may help you work that out, whilst you don't want to hurt anyone, remember it's your life though and unfortunately someone always gets hurt.

CW

[AliceJW]

Thank you guy's so much for your advice. I think I just needed to get out what I really felt, so I wasn't just thinking it in my head and feeling like I was crazy in a way. And listening to other women who have a different perspective definitely helps.
You are all right and i've decided to tell him tomorrow when he comes by, since we'll have plenty of time alone, we can talk it out.
I'll post back and tell you guys how it went.
Thanks so much!