[mschicagocubs]

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and we have a 9 month old daughter. Very recently I got tipped about my boyfriend having sexual relations with a man. I came home from work and decided to snoop on him to see if i found anything. First message I read was from a guy talking about having a threesome again. I confronted my boyfriend about it, showed him the message so he knew I saw it, and he told me he is bisexual. I asked him if he's cheated on me and he said a handful of time with the only guy he's ever been with in his life. He claims that he wanted to stop it when our relationship got serious but it became a "way of life." We have been having relationship problems...and before knowing all this I had problems with him wanting to be intimate with me. We just haven't been having much sex lately and now after finding this out, I'm thinking he's just being with me to cover up being gay. All of a sudden all these signs are coming to my mind and it seems to be all I'm thinking about. He says he loves me and wants only to be with me and he said he won't do it again as long as he's with me...but I'm not sure I can trust him or stop thinking about the fact that my boyfriend's lips have been on a man's penis..? What advice can people give me?

[mschicagocubs]

Please anyone have advice?

[jns]

His relationship with another guy is something hard for you to counter. If it was a girl, you would compare her to you and figure how to show you are better in every way. With a guy, you are very unsure. Even though he said he would be faithful in the future, you still have strong doubts and also have an image you don''t want in your head. It will be very hard to be happy with the relationship after putting it back together, because you always will have doubts. If you truly believe you can put the relationship back together, try. Otherwise, it is best to cut ties, even though you may have a struggle raising your daughter. With the ties cut, you will be free to pursue a relationship you like better than this one.

[WildChild]

As with all cheating you have several concerns. The emotional stuff is one part, the possiblity of STIs are another. You got pregnant very early in the relationship. I'm sorry but it isn't surprising that there was a great deal you didin't know about him. Do get tested immediately and insist he get tested as well. Then you are going to have to talk and get to the nitty gritty of what his sexual preferences really are and what you can live with.

[p3375]

mscubs:
So sorry to hear you're in the middle of this, especially since you have a daughter.
Yeah, you gotta talk with him, as well as to get tested for std's. He may not actually know at this point what he is - gay or bi or whatever. Lots of gay folks try to be heterosexual because they can't accept being gay. They get into a relationship with opposite sex unconciously thinking they will be happy that way or that they can become streight. It often works for a while - maybe years - but over time a person's true nature just wears them down and finally they cheat or break out some other way. Your guy may be struggling thru this, or maybe not. As WC said, it's time to do some 'nitty gritty' communicating. Geez - I feel for ya, hun
Pat

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Only you know his sincerity, you know you can be Bi but be in a "whole" relationship... However, he is justifying you being pregnant as to why he cheated,NO, being it male or female NO, a person can go without sex if in love whilst someone is pregnant, he's using an excuse...

He either is yours or his and yours, go with your gut feeling.. But talk to him again, he can't use a weapon of wanting a child as to why he is with you. . Think deeply how does he treat you, love you, sexually treat you,nothing? Then you have your answer..

CW

[SaharaJim]

The "bisexual' element adds another wrinkle...but in the end- he cheated. I see that as the real problem here - not who he cheated with. OK it is a big deal to some but would you really felt any better if he had cheated with another girl? Testing for STD is a "must"...even if you trust him who knows his "partner" may have been up to. A person is either faithful or not.

[Ashlee T.]

A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. Guy girl, girl guy, guy guy, girl girl...... if it's done without explicit agreement between both parties in the relationship, then it's CHEATING.

Pretend this was a woman. How would you feel about it then?

[Ashlee T.]

OH....I also forgot to mention that cheating isn't the only problem here. I also see the fact that he was hiding a BIG part of who he is from you as a problem. How will you ever trust him, that's he's being real with you, that he is who he says he is etc?