[AZ Guy]

Well, I finally was able to have the chat, as I felt like she was playing games with me - specifically attention games: she knew that I'd respond to every txt, call, whatever. I ignored her for a few days and started getting all sorts of strange texts about how she hadn't heard from me in forever, and she really missed me, etc. And then I'd talk with her and she would be sorta absent. I finally told her that I felt she was playing games with me. She got really defensive and stated that she thought of me as one of her best friends and never did anything to suggest otherwise, and when I brought up specific examples, she got even more defensive. I stood my ground and told her how I felt, and she acknowledged that she had no intention of hurting me and that she felt this whole thing was extremely unfortunate and that she hoped we could still talk. I've ignored her since. Despite her reaching out in many different ways (EXCEPT a phone call -- txt, email, facebook, etc) to make contact. I truly feel she was playing me all along just for attention. I shouldn't say "just" - but that she really craved the attention. I heard from a couple other friends who know both of us that concur with my assessment......seems she is just one of those gals that really needs male attention, without any intention of anything else. Well, at least that's my read on it....

[WildChild]

Very likely you are right.

[ManINeedACoffee]

Agreed....usually when someone gets extremely defensive about something you've said about them, it means you've struck a little nerve of truth.

[AZ Guy]

She keeps trying to get my attention, but I'm not responding....she even asked a couple of common friends of ours what she could to do "get me to respond, as she didn't do anything at all; and I won't talk to her." Thankfully, one of those common friends is a really good friend of mine and she told her to drop it, as I said my piece and she didn't seem to want to listen. I love having good friends.

I still would like to clear the air eventually with her - but haven't figured out what to say, and when...

[Hopeless Dork]

It could be that she just wanted attention, it could be that she just truly wanted to be your friend, had no intentions of hooking up with you... and was hurt to have to lose a friend over the fact that she didn't want more than a friendship.

Thats the thing that is hard about having guys as friends is ... they usually see a friendship as a potential for having 'more than friendship'. Some women are guilty of that too. It would be different if she was telling you she was into you, being sexual with you etc... but it doesn't sound like she was.

I can understand you feeling hurt that you invested your time into hanging with a girl you hope liked you as more than a friend... but when you decide to be a womans friend , you have to first assume that she may only see you as a friend -- and decide whether or not you want her as a friend if there is no chance of more. If thats not the case... its not entirely fair of you either to enter into a friendship only to see where it goes romantically and if it doesn't go where you want it to , to pull out of the friendship and call her an attention seeker (which may well be the case, but also may be that she just really wanted you for a friend)

Did she really lead you on? Did you do things for her that a boyfriend does? Like did she use for rides anywhere or to buy her things? If she just genuinly enjoyed your company and didn't attempt to use you, maybe its possible you may be being too hard on her? Sorry, for the devils advocate take on it.

But the bottom line of the matter is, if you know you are into her... its best to stay away. If she doesn't want to be more than friends and if you want more... that friendship would really lead to nothing but heartache. Girls tend to put guys into mental catagories and when a guy finds himself the friend box... its very hard for her to see him romantically.

I've seen so many times where a guy will befriend a woman he has a crush on hoping that if he will be able to show her just how funny and charming and smart he is and she will want to be more than friends... but that happens far less likely than the opposite of that.

[AZ Guy]

Those are all things that I've thought about Hopeless - seriously, every single one of your points...

I guess at this point until I figure out what I'm willing to give and expect out of our friendship, I'm just better off laying low for awhile. I just don't have any friends that I had interacted this much with on a daily basis....so, for the time being I need to sit back and reflect a little and do what's best for me for now...

[thetty]

so what happened with ur case now with ur estranged friend if i may ask?u know its very hard to find somebody that u like and love and lose............it takes time to heal the wound but nevetheless it will be a lesson learnt and a guide for u the next time...........life has to go on and just let it go away and be free.

[JadedQueen]

I can understand how you may be licking your wounds right now... that is completely understandable. But... I have to ask, in what ways did she lead you on? What things did she do or say that indicated, insinuated, or even hinted to you that she might want to be more than friends with you? I recall in your first post you said that she even stated that she wanted to be "just friends". Did she ever lead you on? Flirt with you? Make any sexual suggestions or moves towards you? Did she ever do ANYTHING that goes beyond what a friend would do?
I think you like this girl and because of that you took things like "I've heard a lot about you" and "Her Dad likes you" and twisted them so they would somehow indicated that she wanted to be more than friends. Those phrases that you read into in no way indicate anything more than FRIENDSHIP... often times when you meet a friend of a friend you say "I've heard a lot about you" and in all reality you may have only heard one or two things... it's just a term people use and the term can be used if she were introducing a female friend... same with the phrase "Her Dad likes you" in no way does that mean anything more than friendship. I think you wanted more and you read something into these things because you wanted it to be that way.
I can understand you not talking to her because it's probably painful... I get that... But, honestly I think you should at least send her an e-mail telling her that you have feelings for her and understand she doesn't feel the same way and for the time being you don't want to have contact with her, because I really don't think from what you said... that she did anything wrong. She told you from the start that she just wanted to be friends and I don't think she was leading you on (unless there are things you haven't stated). I think she had fun hanging out with you and enjoyed your company... TRANSLATION=FRIENDSHIP.
Sorry if I seem a little bit harsh but I have been in the same situation. I have had male friends and from the very beginning I made it clear that I was only interested in friendship, never did anything to indicate that I wanted anything other than friendship and in the end lost a really good friend. It's happened several times and to be honest, I don't know what could have been done differently so the friendships would have remained in tact because it was a good friendship and it was hard to lose a friend in that way because he couldn't handle that I didn't want anything more than being friends.

[AZ Guy]

Thanks for your reply and thoughts Jaded...

I think in this case the bottom line is the case of most problems/issues in any relationship/friendship/supervisory/etc (basically any human interaction): communication...

And at this point my biggest frustration is not that I may have mis-interpretted anything, or that she may have led me on - my biggest issues is that I truly feel that she has some attention issues with males......I have talked and witnessed too many things recently to be convinced otherwise.

Until I can figure out the best time/place to have a really thorough in-person discussion, I just can't continue to feed her constant need for male attention (which, from what I'm heard/seen, she is doing just fine elsewhere).

[JadedQueen]

Az Guy... Not to continue to defend her, because I'm not. I am just speaking from my own personal experience and from the things that you have said. You keep saying she has attention issues with men, and that very well may be true. I don't know because I don't see what you have seen and you have only stated she craves male attention but haven't given examples thus far.
Speaking from my own personal experience... When my ex and I divorced... I worked a job that was majority male and I eventually ended up being promoted into a position with authority over the crew for the most part.. The job took it's toll on the social life, here I was newly divorced and I worked a job that started at 9 p.m. until often times 5 a.m. and I generally worked 6-7 days per week. Often times men resent a woman telling them what to do in the work place and when you work with 90% male crew you adapt quickly and learn even quicker how to relate to the male crew because if you don't, you won't last long in your job. If comment about women bothered you, get over it. I was able to adapt quickly and at work I was "one of the guys" and at one point or another suggestions were made (not that I am overly attractive but I was one cool chick in their eyes and with the work hours socializing was next to impossible)

I don't consider myself one of those women that has attention issues. I have always gotten along better with men then with women (some women are like that) Perhaps the woman you are talking about is like that? Maybe not? Can you give examples of her attention issues from men? Just so I can get a clearer understanding of what you are talking about?