[blueyellow]

So I just spent a long time crying about this situation and figured I should try to get some advice apart from my friends.

As in the title, I'm 24 and I have never, ever been in a relationship. Actually, I have never even been on a date (well, in the sense that I was aware it was a date and properly asked out). Sad, isn't it? I've had some guys ask me out but I was not interested, mainly because I saw them as a friend or had a really bad feeling about it.

I feel really unattractive... Whenever I go out with my friends, they manage to gain the attention of guys and I am ignored. I have the body of a Junior High School girl, bug-eyes, pretty crooked teeth (thanks Mom for investing in braces and me being too poor currently to get any) and circles under my eyes. It's really not a surprise that guys don't find me attractive. I don't really.

I've tried distracting myself from wanting to be in a relationship by working a lot. I do go out every weekend but it's starting to kill me how my friends end up hooking up with the guys we meet and I am on the sidelines. I'm actually a really social person who's always smiling and really involved in our social circle (and that of others). I never really mentioned that I wanted a boyfriend until recently, but my friends don't really seem to want to do anything about it (they kind of brush it off, which makes me feel worse).

Another issue to meeting guys is that I live in a country where the men want girls with light skin, which I don't have. I feel like that's an instant X against me.

I really want to be in a relationship. Everyone says it will happen when I am not looking but I never really looked in University and nothing happened. I acknowledge that I may never be in one so how do I make these feelings of unworthiness, unattractiveness, and just abnormality (I'm 24! This isn't normal!) go away?

[Olympia]

An afternoon at a spa sounds like the order of the day for you.. A bit of pampering.. If the expense is a deterrent.. How about your circle of friends having a glamour party. You need to feel beautiful within, and it will present itself outwardly to others. Honestly!!!!
Think a moment.. when you are happy, smiling, and laughing others join in..

And say, Yes! the next time a friend or other asks to take you out.. Even if it goes no further, it is some time out with another..

As for your friends not doing enough to help... Sometimes, it is awkward to step in and help with that kind of situation. Have you ever mentioned to them what characteristics you look for in a gent..?
When you are out with your friends and their gents where do you go..? And do you socialize with men when you are there with your friends..? If not.. Why..?

[idon't]

You lack self-confidence and i bet it's obvious to men.There are things that can make you feel better about yourself,though.You can look for tips in order to get rid of the circles bellow your eyes, eat healthier if you don't, dress a little more elegant, get a new haircut...stuff like this.Then u can take up a hobby,there are some for free and there u can meet interesting people.Stop beeing confused about it.If u have not been on a date while most people have at your age,it's because you have rejected some guys that your friends would't if they were you.Maybe you're too demanding but that's not always something negative because you're just waiting for someone "right".Don't be upset about your friends having more experience than you, i can feel a touch of jealousy and that's not healthy.You shouldn't think about what other people do,don't compare yourself to others.Everyone is different.Relax!
Put on your favourite outfit and get out to have some fun.Don't get easily disapointed, try to find someone you're interested in and talk to him.

[rcoreyus]

Don't look for dates as such, just try to spend time doing things you enjoy with people you like. You say that you turned down some "dates" because you saw someone "as a friend". In what way were they a good friend, but would be a bad date?

[blueyellow]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

Olympia, when I'm with my friends, we usually meet guys at bars. Whatever else we're doing (shopping, movies, dinners, cafes) don't usually result in meeting guys. They definitely know the characteristics I like in a guy, but I think it may be awkward for them to try to set me up or suggest someone to me? I do try to socialize with guys but they are definitely more interested in my friends, it's no lie. Also, I can't go on a date with someone I'm not attracted to -I would feel like I am leading the person on. Some of the guys have turned into friends because we did group things and my feelings haven't changed -they're just friends.

idon't, I definitely lack self-confidence and I'm trying to work on it. I don't like being hurt and it's happened more times than I'd prefer (I have been rejected the times I've asked a guy out). I have looked for tips about the dark circles but it seems like only makeup is the fix. I also work out, am socially active and eat really healthy so I guess it's my personality that needs to change? And you're right, maybe my friends would have dated the guys I rejected so... I wonder if waiting for the right person to date is a bad thing? And will this right person ever come? There were definitely guys I would have dated if they were interested in me as well, so something is off.

rcoreyus, I could never lead on someone that I don't feel attracted to, and that's what makes the good friend a bad date. I don't want to ruin my friendship.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, in-secure or not, your bubbly you love smiling so that means your not so worried about those teath and don't be.

Your friends, like you, they are a part of yoru life, but they know, I think, that you have to do this yourself and you do.

But you know what? Your putting these guys all in boxes, yes, he would be great but he doesn't see you like that, no, he won't do, not attracted don't want to lead him on, and so the wheels keep turning and turning and turning.

Ask anyone, when we fall in love, it's usually through wow, he's nicer than I thought, he's funny, he's so good to me, and finally after a few dates, wow I think he's kind of sexy, funny never thought that about him, wasn't attracted to him.

In-other-words please don't look on the outside it's time to look on the inside And dating? Date EVERYONE, so you know how to date, if it's not to be, tell them, I think your great, don't think we have enough in common but happy to be a great friend...

Simple.

CW

[sheriffJo]

Well,..First of all I should tell you that I've already been through this!I may be younger than you,ok,but feelings are feelings no matter how old are you or for how long exists a situation like this.I was thinking that I am inattractive,that there's something wrong with me,not only with my appearance but also with my character and my personality..And I've been looking for a relationship for a long time with no results at all!But eventually I understood some things that have to do with the whole "relationships" thing.
You should stop worrying about others.What they think about you,how you look,if you look good,nice or ugly.You should only care about yourself,about how you feel being who you are! If you are satisfied with yourself,then many others will be too in the long run.Do things that make you feel happy and smile!This is how you are going to attract more people.
As far as your friends are concerned,they are not going to understand you.Ok they propbably love you,but their experiences are completely different from yours and since they are not facing the same situation they will not be able to help you,not even in words.
Something else..I have also been hearing "stop searching for love and it will come" or "love will come to you when you are least expecting it".For me all these things are at least stupid!Nothing is true!Everything is different when we talk about different people!So the reason why you don't have a boyfriend is not because you are looking for him or you asked him out (and you definitely shouldn't because you are a girl ).It has to do with someone's choices.Think about it..You have already said that you didn't like them and that you had a bad feeling..So there is a real reason why you didn't have any boyfriend!Let me tell you something else.Maybe the one who is for you hasn't come to your life yet.Maybe you'll have to wait a little more!But I'm sure he 'll worth it.Because when you find him,he will definitely be the right person,the right person for you and you will be the right person for him!
The same thing is happening to me!But i know now,it's all my decision,and I've decided to wait for the ideal and not have a relationship with a random guy.That's all!Think about it!I hope I have been helpful!
P.S Ok,all these are really romantic,but why not be??

[KMonte85]

Something else..I have also been hearing "stop searching for love and it will come" or "love will come to you when you are least expecting it".For me all these things are at least stupid!Nothing is true!Everything is different when we talk about different people!So the reason why you don't have a boyfriend is not because you are looking for him or you asked him out (and you definitely shouldn't because you are a girl ).

Sheriff, I agreed with much of your advice (stop worrying what others think, be comfortable and happy with who you are, etc), except for this little tidbit above. There is nothing stupid about not searching out love and just letting things happen naturally. First and foremost, it stops a person from torturing themselves every time they are in a social situation. Who wants that pressure that they need to find their future partner every time they go out? Secondly, there is little that is more unnattractive than desperation. If you're constantly going out trying and trying and trying and trying because you want a relationship so badly, it can have an opposite effect and drive away anyone you may be interested in.

Going out, having fun, being sociable, and letting relationships develop without the expectation that things must turn romantic can be a very successful strategy for finding a mate.

And really, who says women can't ask men on dates? I know plenty of men who welcome advances from women... it shows their confidence and independance, something that many quality men will admire in a potential mate.

[rcoreyus]

Sorry, my post wasn't clear, I wasn't suggesting leading guys on. I was suggesting finding good guy-friends and you might later develop a romantic interest when you know them better.