Hello everybody, this is my first post here, just joined today. I've been searching for an answer to my question, but have had no joy, or am just not hearing what I want to hear.
About Me;
18 months ago I was Obese, terribly out of shape, and on the verge of several conditions (pre-diabetes, very bad lipids profile etc.) that would have drastically shortened my life had I not changed my ways. Now I've lost 12 inches from my waist, a much lower bodyfat % and a physique that a lot of average joes envy. My problem is that my self-esteem has not caught up. There's still a little fat man inside of me, that seems to hold me back from being happy. My dating life has been non-existent. And just having the guts to approach or even talk to women is REALLY hard for me, let alone ask for a date, even though I look nothing like my former self.
My Dilema;
I recently asked someone I met at the gym out on a date, usually I get a yes or no (mostly no), but the answer this woman gave has had me thinking a lot. I don't know if it means no, or she wants me to read a little more into it.
Back story;
We've seen each other at the gym on and off for the past 6 months or so. We train at different times, so it is really pot luck when I run into her. Whenever we see each other at the gym, there's always intense eye contact, stealing glances at each other etc. but neither of us made a move.
So a few weeks ago I saw her as I came into the gym and plucked up the courage to go and introduce myself. We've had a few short chats, (as long as you can have during a workout without intruding) about nothing in particular, just friendly stuff.
Last Sunday, I asked her if she had did anything good on her Saturday night. She went to the opening night of an Opera (my kind of woman, I thought). So we talked for a little while then went about our workouts. As she was leaving, I asked her if she liked Opera/Performing arts etc, she said she did and doesn't get the chance to go as often as she'd like. So I told her about a Christmas Carol performance being put on by the ROH in London, and asked if she'd like to go with me.
Her response;
Her: Do you mean as a date?
Me: Yes.
Her: When I'm asked on a date, I usually tell people that I'm dating someone*, but the truth is I just got out of a long relationship (over 5 years), and I don't want to rush into anything.
Me: OK, I understand. Have a think about it, it's not for another 3 weeks, so let me know.
Her: I will, i'll see you around here before then anyway.
Then she left.
* There have been several guys in the gym that have asked her on a date in the past few months, some of which I saw first hand, some I heard about. They were all either told no, or given the 'I'm dating someone' line. Which is what leaves me thinking so much about her response to me.
For the record, I realise now that my date suggestion was probably a bit too formal/romantic and something that established couples do instead of people on a first date, especially given her former situation.
My Interpretation;
Usually I would just see that as a rejection, but thinking about it further, this is what I think;
She told me the truth about her situation instead of dismissing me or giving me the line about already being in a relationship, so something must be different. Maybe she is interested in getting to know me, but as she said, she 'doesn't want to rush into anything' and found my invitation a too heavy/romantic setting. So maybe an invitation to coffee or lunch would have been a better idea?
I'm really stuck, I don't know how to interpret this.
I don't know what I should do next. Please help.
Thanks.
About Me;
18 months ago I was Obese, terribly out of shape, and on the verge of several conditions (pre-diabetes, very bad lipids profile etc.) that would have drastically shortened my life had I not changed my ways. Now I've lost 12 inches from my waist, a much lower bodyfat % and a physique that a lot of average joes envy. My problem is that my self-esteem has not caught up. There's still a little fat man inside of me, that seems to hold me back from being happy. My dating life has been non-existent. And just having the guts to approach or even talk to women is REALLY hard for me, let alone ask for a date, even though I look nothing like my former self.
My Dilema;
I recently asked someone I met at the gym out on a date, usually I get a yes or no (mostly no), but the answer this woman gave has had me thinking a lot. I don't know if it means no, or she wants me to read a little more into it.
Back story;
We've seen each other at the gym on and off for the past 6 months or so. We train at different times, so it is really pot luck when I run into her. Whenever we see each other at the gym, there's always intense eye contact, stealing glances at each other etc. but neither of us made a move.
So a few weeks ago I saw her as I came into the gym and plucked up the courage to go and introduce myself. We've had a few short chats, (as long as you can have during a workout without intruding) about nothing in particular, just friendly stuff.
Last Sunday, I asked her if she had did anything good on her Saturday night. She went to the opening night of an Opera (my kind of woman, I thought). So we talked for a little while then went about our workouts. As she was leaving, I asked her if she liked Opera/Performing arts etc, she said she did and doesn't get the chance to go as often as she'd like. So I told her about a Christmas Carol performance being put on by the ROH in London, and asked if she'd like to go with me.
Her response;
Her: Do you mean as a date?
Me: Yes.
Her: When I'm asked on a date, I usually tell people that I'm dating someone*, but the truth is I just got out of a long relationship (over 5 years), and I don't want to rush into anything.
Me: OK, I understand. Have a think about it, it's not for another 3 weeks, so let me know.
Her: I will, i'll see you around here before then anyway.
Then she left.
* There have been several guys in the gym that have asked her on a date in the past few months, some of which I saw first hand, some I heard about. They were all either told no, or given the 'I'm dating someone' line. Which is what leaves me thinking so much about her response to me.
For the record, I realise now that my date suggestion was probably a bit too formal/romantic and something that established couples do instead of people on a first date, especially given her former situation.
My Interpretation;
Usually I would just see that as a rejection, but thinking about it further, this is what I think;
She told me the truth about her situation instead of dismissing me or giving me the line about already being in a relationship, so something must be different. Maybe she is interested in getting to know me, but as she said, she 'doesn't want to rush into anything' and found my invitation a too heavy/romantic setting. So maybe an invitation to coffee or lunch would have been a better idea?
I'm really stuck, I don't know how to interpret this.
I don't know what I should do next. Please help.
Thanks.
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