[snuffie]

Hi,

there's this guy at work that I find attractive and over the last few weeks, myself and my collegue think that he has been flirting with me, dropping by our department to see me, buying me coffee casual touch on arm and shoulder, the thing is im not sure if im misreading these signals and also he has a girlfriend, so he may just be been friendly as im the new girl!!!

The thing is I don't know where to go with this and how to act its making me "edgy"
any advice?

[WildChild]

Why not just relax, give it some time and see what happens?
Getting involved with someone from work is not a good way to start off anyway.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you know he has a girlfriend, why not just take and assume all his gestures are done because he is just being friendly. Its just when you get involved with a man that has a girlfriend... he is telling you how he is as a boyfriend... right up front and clear. You want to know how he would treat you later if you got involved... he's already demonstrated that. I know a lot of women like to think they are special and that a guy only would risk abandoning his relationship for THEM.. but its just not the case. If he does ask you out while still being committed to someone else... he's showing you that promises mean jack to him.. and that he will one-up you given the chance.

Right now its just some mild flirting... why not keep it to that. One, he has a gf, two, you work with this guy... when it comes to an attached guy and its the early phases of flirting, why not nip how you are going to feel about him in the bud before it blooms. I think that sometimes people like to have fun and pass their day at the office with little crushes and mild flirting and don't even want to take it out of the office.

So either he is just being friendly...or has a lil office crush on you that he plans on keeping platonic... or he's looking to cheat on his gf.. its one of those 3 probably.

[BasketCase]

His advances (if that is what they are) are inappropriate id he is in a relationship. If he is hitting on you, ignore it. You don't want to be the other women do you? And if not than accept that he's a nice guy and potentialy a good friend.

Again HD has gotten to a good question before me and answered it better lol. So listen to her

[snuffie]

him having a girlfriend is a big no no and I am aware of that and thank you for reinforcing that!!! I think just continuing as we are just mild flirting is the best option, I am just been myself after all and not taking it any further!!!

[Hopeless Dork]

lol basket xoxo!!

And snuffie its good that you realize that... I think if we as women decided that we won't follow through on advances from guys that are attached they'd be forced to deal with their relationship... whether thats working it out or breaking up and deciding to be single. Instead far too many of us show guys all the time that cheating is acceptable as long as its 'with us' then end up heartbroken and wondering why when it happens 'to us'. And I think it all boils down to ego, we want to think a guy is only cheating because we have a magical connection -- and that he'd never do it on us once he has us.

If a guy shows you who he is.. believe him, there is no greater window into the future than looking at the way he's treating his current girlfriend... because that is surely the way he'll treat the next one, and the next.

Flirting is fine, it passes the day for a lot of people -- as long as it doesn't cross a line its perfectly acceptable. Being friendly , a little smile here and there -- is all good fun, turning things into sexual dialogues.. spending too much time together can lean towards dangerous waters. And once a person catches feelings, whats wrong or right, the writing on the wall for whats probably going to head their way all goes out the window... so i think its best to not let it get that far

[snuffie]

HD you are completely right about him sorting out any issues he may have with his current relationship, he spoke to one of my other collegues several weeks ago and said that he was unhappy with his current girlfriend!! but for anything to happen he would have to realise what he wanted and for that relationship to end and for him to work out what he wanted, I'm not here to be a distraction to his problems!! I will continue as we have been. But before we start having a "go" at the man in question he has never been innappropriate and made any advances!! it has just been friendly flirting and bringing me coffee when I cant get away!!!

[Pau]

Do you also like it that he's bringing you coffee or do you feel uncomfortable?
If so, then tell him that you appreciate his good actions but you would prefer doing it by yourself.

Are you interested to him?

[cocoa]

Hmm, since you're not sure if the attention is given because you are new, just respond to his actions as someone who is simply being welcoming to a new coworker. If after a few weeks or so, the action doesn't change or he doesn't seem to repeat this action with anyone else, then it may be a sign of interest. But if you're not sure if he is already involved, play it cool and relaxed, but cautious. If you're not comfortable with the attention, politely say to him one day that you appreciate the coffee but you're probably gonna get some on your break when you have the chance. It's not always easy to know what the attention means, but if you give it time, maybe there will be other signals to let you know what's really happening.

[Little_Miss_Me]

I've been in that situation before, and one thing I always make sure I do is ask about the girlfriend.

"How long have yall been together?"

"When do you plan on popping the question to her?"

Ect, ect. I let them know right away 1.) I know you're with someone. 2.) I don't mess around with a taken man.