[swimgirl18]

The other day I signed in on Facebook and noticed on my homepage that my boyfriend said he was attending a party, which would have been fine with me, except that the party that he says he is attending, his ex-girlfriend is also attending. He hasn't even told me that he is going to this party and I am a little concerned because his ex-girlfriend is going and I'm not. My boyfriend hasn't told me about it and hasn't invited me. What should I do? He's never given me a reason to worry before but this is out of his character. I'm confused.

[Hopeless Dork]

Unless its her party... its really jumping the gun to think he is 'meeting up with her' , at least on purpose, just because they are attenting the same party. If he knows you see his facebook page, he's going to know you saw he's going to the party so it probably isn't a secret. Its very likely they share some friends if they were together at all in the past and I don't think theres any reason to assume that just because he wants to go to a friends party that she happens to be going to that he wants to see her.

If you usually go to parties with him, if he always invites you ahead of time then I could see why you would be bothered why he hasn't invited you yet or made plans with you yet... but that should be irrespective of the fact his ex is/isn't attending.

One of my boyfriends long term ex gf is occasionally at parties we go to, they are polite to each other , but its obvious there is no love lost between them, both seem to have moved on pretty well. Sometimes I feel awkward when I think about it, sometimes I alter my behavior unnecessarily to try to be sensitive to how awkward she may feel as well. Like if I'm thinking about it, I'll avoid smothering him with the PDA I normally do because I try to imagine what it would feel like to have to watch your ex making out with someone... even if you don't care about them anymore -- it could feel weird I'd bet... so I try to be respectful of that. But I really don't worry about them re-kindling anything.

I think ex girlfriends/boyfriends are exes for a reason, and you are not an ex for a reason as well -- he's into you , not her... you don't have ropes attached to his ankles, if he didn't want to be with you, if he wanted to be with her -- he could do all that and he wouldn't have to attend some party to do so.

I think unless a persons ex is nutso, avoiding places and people and parties where they might be is unecessary and giving the ex more power in HIS life as well as yours. She's a person of the past, it should be no big deal that y'all bump into her sometimes. Avoiding her with great effort would make her seem like she is more of a big deal to him, so the fact he'd go, he'd publicly announce he's going, etc... shows she isn't really something he's thinking about or worrying about or he probably would have went about it way more sneaky.

But if he's your boyfriend and you guys go out together all the time and are close, it should be pretty much implied that you are invited to parties he goes to by this point. If he forgot to bring it up to you, I'm with you, I'd be like heyyy... aren't you taking me, mister??? But I would go about it in a teasing joking way and not an angry 'why havn't you invited me yet?!!!! is it because your EX is going to be there?" Just a simple , babe I saw you signed up for a party next week...are we going to go to that? He may say we aren't but I am... then you have a reason to be annoyed... he may say nah, I just said i was going but I don't think I want to ... or he may say OF COURSE.. i totally forgot to tell you! Give hime the benefit of the doubt on the invitation, leave his ex out of it.

[Ashlee T.]

I'm not sure the ex is your issue, but if you all typically are pretty transparent about your plans and such, I find it a bit odd he's not sharing with you that he's attending this party. But then again, like HD says, he knows you see his FB page and therefore would see he's planning to attend this party.

Do you have reason to think there is still something there with the ex? I know exes are exes for a reason, but I've been with guys who couldn't let go of their pasts and one in particular who cheated on me the whole time with an ex. It happens. But unless you have any reason to believe she might be a threat, I wouldn't worry about it.

Next time you're with him, get on your computer and "check your facebook" then very casually say "Oh what's this party you're going to?" and see what he says. I do think it's odd if it's going to be a mixed party (guys and gals) that he wouldn't invite you to go along. So maybe he will and just hasn't thought to bring it up yet.

[WildChild]

If he sees her there, there are several things that could happen, They could say hi, how's it going and later bye. They could re-realize why they broke up. They could find out there is still something there. Wouldn't you rather know now than later? You can't go through life keeping bfs away from their exs, or keeping yourself away from yours. They are an ex for a reason. Either the reason is valid and you have something or the reason isn't valid and they may want to explore it further. Better now than after you have been together for years and have a family together.

Do you want to be with a man who isn't wholly in the relationship? That is a miserable place to be. Let it be and see what happens.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Relationships...

Boys nights....

Parties involving both men and women...

Wouldn't all of you expect to be asked to go with your SO to a party that is mixed sexes? And, not left behind?

I would, do and am always asked...

CW

[JadedQueen]

Very well put Chandler's.
Do you think maybe he "think's" he mentioned it to you? Do you guys live together? Always spend the weekends together? I wouldn't jump to any conclusions until all the facts are in.

[Guest]

Wouldn't all of you expect to be asked to go with your SO to a party that is mixed sexes? And, not left behind?

Yep! I would...

He hasn't told you because he doesn't want you there. It's that simple. Sounds like a lack of open honest communication. Sounds like a lack of transperency on his part. Sounds a bit sneaky to me. And I'm a guy! Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but I don't think so.

If the shoe were on the other foot, he wouldn't be happy with you going to a party to see your ex, without his knowledge would he?

[Ashlee T.]

I would!!