[Ashlee T.]

Or is he? I'm confused. This is why dating is sooooo frustrating. I can't help but feel like things have cooled off tremendously lately. Used to he'd call me "baby" "babe" "sweetheart" etc ALOT.....now rarely. Used to he'd send me little messages now and then and tell me he was looking forward to the weekend and "misses me". Now...well, it seems that is not happening. Am I paying more attention, or did someone throw an ice cube in the works? I posted about his little outing last Monday and how his lack of contact with me upset me. I got over it and decided the next day to move forward and get past it. He's been gone since Sunday morning to an event he got invited to work at in another state. He was really excited about going, and I was excited for him. He'll be gone until Wednesday, but when he gets back here Wednesday, he has to work a big game that night. Anyway, I know his schedule at this event is pretty busy with lunches, dinners, meetings etc. But I saw the schedule, and I know he has some free time. He hasn't called me once. He told me Sunday that when he got there and got all settled in he'd call. Instead I got a text. Okay, fair enough. Then yesterday, I text him good morning. He's responded asking me what my plans are, etc...but his texts are very short. I have to ask him how his day went....when I thought perhaps he'd want to tell me all about it. I don't want to call him, as I certainly don't want him to feel any pressure from me on this trip...... but it would've been nice if he WANTED to talk to me, to tell me all about what he's getting to do, etc. Like last night, he text me and asked what I was doin. I told him and asked what he was doing, he said he was drinking and watching the game. I asked about his day, he gave me a pretty short basic response. Then later texted me and said "You still up?" and I responded "Yes....you in bed?" and he said "I will be soon" so we text back and forth a time or two and then I said "I got something for your stocking you're gonna like!!" and he didn't respond to me until 7am this morning at which time he responded "My stocking? lol Alright!!". Maybe he fell asleep....but would it have been unreasonable to think he might have called me when he laid down in bed since clearly he wasn't busy? I mean, here he is, in another state, by himself, with all these people, drinking in the evenings and such and I've not once questioned him, been jealous, controlling etc. I would've thought he'd be so appreciative of that (since his last gf was incredibly jealous) that it would make him WANT to talk to me. At the same time, I don't want to nitpick.......but I don't like the way this is making me feel.

I guess I feel like he's perhaps less than enthused about me....about us. It's hard enough for me to let my guard down,.....especially when I really like someone and they're not making me feel the same in return. And this is what I hate....because if I weren't dating anyone right now, I wouldn't feel like this at all. I'm feeling incredibly insecure.

[WildChild]

He's male. He probably sees no reason for all this day by day, hour by hour communication. Just back off and let it be for a bit?

[Ashlee T.]

Oh dear no....I don't want any sort of hour by hour communication. Eeeeks. No. And I don't want him to call me daily with a play by play of his day....not by any means. But we're on day 3. When I hear from him he's very short, generic, etc. This, in combination with the change in "enthusiasm" lately, just has me feeling insecure.

I can't really back off any more than I have....or I don't think I can (I've been wrong before ) I'm not calling him, yesterday I sent him a good morning text, and the day before that I sent him a "Did you make it there safely?" text. That's it. I'm not bugging him, nagging him, acting weird, nothing. If he texts me I tell him "I hope you're having an awesome time!!!". What I wrote on here, is just whats in my head, nothing I'm acting on. It's pretty easy to hide this insecurity when we're not really communicating. :\

It's just weighing on me...and negatively affecting my time off. My gut tells me something just isn't quite right.....but I can't put my finger on it.

[Ashlee T.]

He just called me. Weird! WC, did you call him and tell him to call me?!?! I knew you had magical powers. haha. He said he's exhausted, that they've been so busy during the days etc. I think he's stressed.....maybe this is whats causing my weird feeling. He has to work our University's most important game of the season the night he gets back from Tampa. He's worried about his flight getting delayed and being late. And he's worried about Christmas gifts.....which he has obviously procrastinated and now is running out of time. I told him I would've gladly helped him with that but had no idea he hadn't even started. He'll still have Thursday and Friday to shop and not THAT many people to buy for so I tried to ease his mind and told him I was sure he'd have plenty of time. I dunno....maybe just the fact he's been super busy the last few weeks with games, finals, and now this trip has gotten him stressed and it's showing in his behavior towards me. I dunno......I guess all I can do is give him the benefit of the doubt and see if things ease up a bit.

[KMonte85]

I think you've got the right idea BD... give him the benefit of the doubt and see how he's behaving after all the craziness with work and the holidays is over with.

It sounds like your guy is under MOUNDS of stress, and probably either spends his downtime trying to de-frazzle himself or he just doesn't want to call you up and dump on you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mam...dear mam....stress,stress,stess and that was from your side

1. A man who asks what you are doing, daily, when away, is asking "is she waiting for me, or out partying?"
2. A man who goes away anywhere, is in the now, too many different things going on...

Given the last event, I would imagine, he would be going OMG,I have to get this right this time, now what is right? Oh, I know, I'll send a text

You'll give yourself an Ulcer

[pretzel]

I think you've got the right idea BD... give him the benefit of the doubt and see how he's behaving after all the craziness with work and the holidays is over with.

It sounds like your guy is under MOUNDS of stress, and probably either spends his downtime trying to de-frazzle himself or he just doesn't want to call you up and dump on you.

Second time in how many months you're giving him the benefit of the doubt (or making an excuse). Not saying I'm right, but the way he's handling these stressors is an indication of how he would handle future stressors.

[KMonte85]

I guess it depends how one handles stressors in life... to me, this is peanuts, and not worth the worry. So he didn't text - he's busy with work and/or stressed out. I handle myself the same way when I have a lot going on, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me so much.

But a person who needs to have that reassurance might see the situation differently.

[Ashlee T.]

Second time in how many months you're giving him the benefit of the doubt (or making an excuse). Not saying I'm right, but the way he's handling these stressors is an indication of how he would handle future stressors.

That's what concerns me. I mean it's not like he's going off the deep end or anything. He hasn't committed any horrible offense, but the rare short texts I've gotten since he left have made me feel very insecure. I want to be with someone who's crazy about me, and who I'm crazy about. I really like this dude, but I'm finding it hard to let my guard down past a certain point.

You'll give yourself an Ulcer

Dating blows. lol I told him when he left (because of what happened last week) that I didn't want him to feel pressured to contact me,when he contacts me (other than to tell me he made it there safely) I just wanted it to be because he wanted to, not cause he felt he had too. So I would've been fine with the texts ......if they hadn't been SO few and SO short. I guess I just wanted him to WANT to talk to me. Earlier when he called, he was telling me some cool things he's gotten to do, how busy they've been, how he's taken a bunch of pictures, etc. I just wanted him to want to talk to me........and I guess he did, just not exactly when I wanted him to.

I handle myself the same way when I have a lot going on, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me so much.

So do I....but when a relationship is this new, you haven't yet established that confidence and trust in the relationship. You're still in that "getting to know you to see if this MIGHT work" phase. He is a super busy dude. He works a full time job at the University, works all the basketball and football home games, then has his own little business on the side. All this on top of working on two Masters degrees. I totally understand the being busy, and the being stressed.....and perhaps he just thinks I don't need the reassurance, but the truth of it is, I think any relationship this new needs a little reassurance now and then.

[KMonte85]

Maybe there needs to be some compromise... like if he knows he's going to be UBER busy, he should let you know ahead of time he won't be able to give you much than a "hey I'm alive and thinking of you" text once in a while... and at the same time, maybe he can take the time now and again when he DOES have a few minutes he can actually get away and have a meaningful conversation, that he calls you, even if it is just once every couple days. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel, you are who you are and you know what you want and need. That's a good thing!

You're so new to each other, as you've said - this might be a bit of a learning curve, both getting to know each other's nuances, so he still needs to learn when you need a bit more, and he can let you know when he's honestly too busy to connect meaningfully so you can mentally prepare for those days without feeling like WTH????