[AnastasiaRose]

So I dated my first guy when I was 16 and took me a year or more to get over him and for various reasons i didn't date shy about experience, picky, shy, didn't want someone to hold me back in life, shy about getting hurt etc and then i ended up dating the next guy from oct 09-march 2010 (age 23) and he did some pretty terrible things to me and i ended up getting revenge on him and it just didn't turn out pretty. Thats was 9 months ago... I would never go for him again because I can't trust him and he really doesn't deserve another chance. I tell myself i would never get with him & I still think about him daily and I want it to go away (he doesn't even live here anymore) I should of been over him long ago but what he did to me hit me hard I can't even tell anyone about it cause they don't want to hear & it's old news. Most of my thoughts are just reconnecting with him and what i would say/do and revenge thoughts I guess im not over him but I just want him out my head completely. I deleted him off facebook/msn months ago what else can I do? why is it taking so long?

[caterpillar79]

Revenge is getting you worked up over him. If you want to really forget him, you also have to let go of everything about him including good memories (if there is any), learn to forgive him (I know it's hard), process and let go of your anger towards him and self-pity you have inflicted on yourself. Do not beat yourself up if you find yourself going back to square 1 (i.e. wanting to reconnect).

Your need for revenge does not allow you to completely let go of everything about him. Let it go. Live and enjoy life on your own. Try new hobbies - the ones you haven't tried before and associate them with your new life. If you have to change your wardrobe, your sheets, your plates, your dining set or living room set, do so (if you can afford it). I was once in your position and I did spend a lot of $$ to change what I see/use that I have associated with the relationship that I had. I joined a martial arts class to release my anger and directed all my negative energy at my target - try to find one that suits you (Tai chi, Tae Kwan Do, Aikido, Jujitso, Arnis, Kick boxing, Mixed Martial Arts are some examples).

cutting all means of contact is a good start you've already done, so I commend you for that. Next step is you taking care of yourself and mindfully calling yourself out every time you have the urge to have revenge or anything wanting to reconnect. It's a long journey, but time would help you heal.

[AnastasiaRose]

ty!

i just have a fear that he's going to come back and try to do something bad to me. My thoughts are more like after i move past the hurt and he comes back into my life what would happen.... and for some reason they are friendly thoughts esp mistakes that went wrong. i guess i have to stop worrying that he will come back and live my life what happens, happens.