[Texinator]

It's a lie and a myth that all men like the chase.

I can't say I know a whole lot of women who honestly believe that all men like the chase.

[Hopeless Dork]

While I don't think all men live for the chase... I've had plenty of guy friends that ignore the girls that are into them and pine away for the ones that won't give them the time of day. Like as if they don't 'earn' the attention of the woman they want, they don't find her worthy of it. Same sort of thing with the guys that say they won't respect a woman that has sex with them on the first date, yet are willing to have sex with women on the first date... some sort of 'i want you, but if you want me just as bad , i don't want you anymore' thing.

I personally think its rediculous and stupid, and I always shake my head when I see women working guys this way, and the guys falling hook line and sinker for it. Girls that pretend they are too busy, that will sit at home bored rather than accept a date with a guy they like... just so that he'll think she is 'hard to get'. And guess what? That stupid junk actually works for a lot of people..

One of my friends makes a living making guys that can't have her, want her... and the stories she will tell me, make me feel so sad for guys sometimes, and othertimes just makes me feel like they almost deserve what they get in those cases. Guys that will fork over money for her to go on a weekend trip to vegas , because she's hot and calls them 'honey' and sits on their laps.. meanwhile the woman they committed to is at home taking care of the kids and their laundrey and she ain't gonna get no trip to vegas out of him, thats for sure.

[Texinator]

Many times 'the chase' is just about ego... men wanting to feel like they've accomplished something by getting the woman that played hard to get, and women wanting to feel like they're special for having a man keep up his effort despite her playing hard to get. I suppose it's their choice. But it's not for me. It just comes across like a silly little game. If two people like each other, they should quit wasting time and just get together.

[Hopeless Dork]

Many times 'the chase' is just about ego... men wanting to feel like they've accomplished something by getting the woman that played hard to get, and women wanting to feel like they're special for having a man keep up his effort despite her playing hard to get. I suppose it's their choice. But it's not for me. It just comes across like a silly little game. If two people like each other, they should quit wasting time and just get together.

I completely agree. When I met my boyfriend and we started dating, I pulled no punches, played no stupid girl games at the risk of him not getting to experience 'the chase' If I wanted to spend time with him I'd call him. If he called me, I answered the phone... I never pretended I was busy or had some big exciting life he had to be scheduled in to. I knew that if he was the kind of guy that needed to be treated bad in order to feel like he had something special that we would never work out anyway... because I have to be myself. I say what I mean, what I feel... and I'm no actress... so I knew I had to be myself, and if he wanted someone that made him 'earn' her... that I wouldn't be the right girl for him anyway.

Luckily for me he was not into games either, was happy that I was as into him as he was to me and so there was no chasing to be done... no games to be played, we enjoyed each others company so we spent time together and everything just bloomed from there.

[WildChild]

I've had plenty of guy friends that ignore the girls that are into them and pine away for the ones that won't give them the time of day. Like as if they don't 'earn' the attention of the woman they want, they don't find her worthy of it. Same sort of thing with the guys that say they won't respect a woman that has sex with them on the first date, yet are willing to have sex with women on the first date... some sort of 'i want you, but if you want me just as bad , i don't want you anymore' thing.
.

Wow, this hit home. I think you hit a big nail right on the head.
I know I've been the victim of this, even recently.
It's the, 'If you want me, there must be something wrong with you', thing.
It ties into poor self esteem blanketed under bravado.
It also contains, 'I'm attracted to you but don't really want to put anything into this, but if you want me without any effort, I don't want you'.
There is also the, 'If you are willing to be with me, you'd take anyone, so you're too easy'.

One of my friends makes a living making guys that can't have her, want her... and the stories she will tell me, make me feel so sad for guys sometimes, and othertimes just makes me feel like they almost deserve what they get in those cases. Guys that will fork over money for her to go on a weekend trip to vegas , because she's hot and calls them 'honey' and sits on their laps.. meanwhile the woman they committed to is at home taking care of the kids and their laundrey and she ain't gonna get no trip to vegas out of him, thats for sure.

What is it these women do?
Sometimes I feel like I missed a critical class or two. I've arranged nice nights out, packed picnics, paid for a hotel room, with bfs and spouses. I've paid the bills, had an heritance taken and spent, had my (mine not our) bank account cleaned out, bought them cars cuz their credit was bad, made ends meet under seemingly impossible conditions. I've never had a man plan a really special night out or a weekend. I've been married or lived with a man, well too many times, and have never been on a honeymoon (my first husband let his buddies spent our wedding money on cocaine). I have had men account for every dime they spent on me but never consider what I put in ("well you would have to pay rent even if we weren't married, I put tank of gas in your carlast month. You owe me.") Throw in the helping around the house (not), how is it that mowing the lawn once last summer outweighs laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, weeding, shopping, cooking, mending, cleaning the bathroom and changing the oil?

I've never expected a man to hand me the earth. It would be nice to just have some give along with the take, without a major production like he just made poopoo in the potty for the first time all by himself. So what's up with these women who just get it all handed to them while they are wiping their feet on him? I know women who get a new car every two or three years, even when they are struggling, they get trips, wined and dined, new furniture - these aren't drop dead beautiful women who are trophy wives of wealthy men. What gives?

I've known women who are raving, insane, PMS machines, constantly complaining and finding fault and the man in their life acts like trying to make them happy is his personal mission in the world. I've sat jaw dropped at how a gf treated her husband and talked about him, as he fixes dinner, pours her wine and hands her travel brochures for the next exotic place he's taking her (she wasn't working).

All I've ever tried to have is a fairly equitable relationship where we build something together - but its always his in the end. Maybe it really is true, men do love betches. They may complain, in fact that could be part of the attraction. They get to keep their negative stories about women and complain of lack of sex and how hard they work, they not be very happy, but they get to keep the stories and maintain their expectations. I suppose, those times that they do get her approval, they really feel like they deserve it.

[ItsASecret]

What is it these women do?

A lot of the time its primp up look pretty, don't get a job because they want an 'easy life', and ask others to pay for their goods by fluttering their eyelashes or taking off their top. That may not be the case of HD's friend.

[Hopeless Dork]

What is it these women do?

She's a stripper. She has had regulars that pay her more money a month than they spend on rent, or their family. She would never even SPEAK to these men outside of the club yet they are willing to come in week after week for 'pretend' attention from a girl that would probably be repulsed by them if they weren't handing her money.

But its just that whole mindset of the guy that has a woman at home that loves him, but would rather spend his time, attention (and money) on women that don't even like them. With strippers thats more obvious , but some guys carry that same mindset in general, chasing after women that don't like them, taking for granted the ones that do, complaining how women are bad mean and evil, while consistantly persisting after the ones that don't make it a big secret that they are bad, mean and evil.


The self esteem stuff you mention WC is so interesting, and so true. Guys that feel low about themselves probably do not value a girl that is into them, and rather value the ones that aren't... as they put them on some sort of pedastal that they have to earn... like a trophy. Where as someone loving them for them, pffftt... what kind of loser would do that, right? :\

[Hopeless Dork]

And just to add I think there are very many women like this too. That will theoretically spit in the faces of guys that treat them like princesses and instead pine for the ones that use and abuse them... again probably feeling that they are not deserving to be treated well, and feeling like any guy that would do so must have something wrong with them... I never thought about the whole seeking someone that doesn't really care about you over someone that does in terms of self-esteem, but when you look at it... its probably the biggest factor at play.

[Texinator]

Wow, that's some really interesting stuff right there.

If a woman is interested in me, I appreciate that she thinks highly of me, and if she isn't interested, regardless of whether it's for real or she's just playing hard to get, I take it that we're incompatible and move on. But I can see where it would be different if self esteem were an issue, e.g. that if a woman is interested in a "screw up" like me, then there must be something wrong with her, whereas if I chase a woman that doesn't give me the time of day, then I can hope to win her over and feel like this "screw up" accomplished something.

[jns]

She's a stripper. She has had regulars that pay her more money a month than they spend on rent, or their family. She would never even SPEAK to these men outside of the club yet they are willing to come in week after week for 'pretend' attention from a girl that would probably be repulsed by them if they weren't handing her money.

There just clients and fans, it is just business. The fact that they are foolish with their money is not of her concern. She may not be repulsed, but they are the little people and she is the star. No different than prostitutes, actors and musicians, though I have found musicians more down to earth, probably because the ones I know personally are not stars.

I hope she is saving up money, but I know most don't. If she saves correctly and handles money correctly, she could be set for life in a few years. But she most likely has a bf that spends her money as fast as she probably does and is not a good person. But he is exciting and dangerous to be around.