OK here is the catch! My folks here in India are coaxing me( umm seems pressure to me) to ("arranged") marry.Should i post this in a new forum or just continue here?
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Post it here, it still relates to your origional heading....
Remember you are your own person.....
Well I'm engaged to one so I have to say yes, but, it is all about the man, not the nationality...I have this feeling that, the pressure of being pressured, and the belief of your mine, bad luck, has turned you off your own culture.CHANDLERS WISH , Yes i need to join some social groups apart from just study groups. Thanks . Are Australian men as chivalrous and gentleman-like as their American counterparts? If yes then i would like Australian guys too
CWPUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!Comment
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Rainbow, I pretty much figured that you were being pressured, it seems to be a common situation for women who are ethnically Indian. Where do you go from here? Are you going back to Sacramento area? If you want to find your own spouse, you will have to put yourself out there by possibly initiating the dating. It is scary, but can have good results with a little luck. But there are no guarantees.I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
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Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?
From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, VirginiaComment
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Gippy11, It is not easy when parents play the emotional card and threaten to end their lives ( super crazy i know!!!!! but i guess we Indians overreact to the smallest of the things.) ,when i don't show any interest in what they want me to do. I have been dodging the subject since a long time and they don't want me to go back without atleast getting engaged to some unknown apparently-good-because-his-family-is-good guy.I wish i could invent some time machine of sorts.
CHANDLERS WISH, Hey congratulations!!! I am happy for you To be really frank, i was not aware of pressure when i was in India. I just did not know that men can be chivalrous and caring until i landed in US. I used to think we Indians have successful marriages and we don't havemany divorces in our society which is great.I realized it the hard way that we have to put up with the man we marry and be with them no matter what happens.Just because i was with one guy and did not marry him, my folks are ashamed of me.I hate my society and their norms.These are the thoughts of people based in metros like Mumbai.Very regressive.
jns, I have been left with no other option but to lie to my parents and return to Sacramento as soon as i can.I guess i will have to meet the dowry demanding "good dude" and talk to him so that atleast my parents would think i am doing the right thing.Lots of things going on in my head and i am losing my cool every now and then these days.All i know is i have to be brave and not succumb to their emotional torture.Comment
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It's called emotional blackmail....I wish the "oldern days" were caught up in today's way of living....
Is there an Indian support group you could locate even by googling and talk to and hear real live stories simular to yours and what happened?
It's saving face, "family" isn't it more so? Do you really think they would go through with anything like that, or more than likely dis-own you, which in reality leaves you to be true to yourself and live your own life...
CWPUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!Comment
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Rainbow, many girls are VERY forward here in America(not that you should be), so it usually takes a little more than you might think for guys to get the message that you're single and wanting someone. If you run up to a guy and out of the blue say "hey date me!" yea that would be a little forward, but if you ask them something like: "Do you want to go get some coffee?" or "I'm free for lunch, want to meet somewhere?" it lets them know you are probably interested. It also isn't too sudden, so in case of rejection it's not so blunt and it keeps it casual.
No pressure = easier to go for it. :]__()()
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((Sorry to double post, but I exceeded the 5 minutes for editing))
Also as far as the emotional blackmail, do what you want to do with your life. I too have to deal with immense family pressure being in a very strong Christian family (although I know it's not nearly as harsh as your family), but once they learned I'm just going to make my own decisions for my life, they started getting used to it, though I'm still "the shame of the family."
As far as your parents threatening suicide...that's up to you to decide if they mean it, or are just making empty threats.__()()
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