[Brokenwings]

I have tolerated a lot, over small arguments He has been so cruel and horrible to me, but I was lucky he had self realisation. But still he isn't disrespectful anymore we just have communication problems where he thinks he is always right but now I will explain myself and stand my ground and I'm on the verge of ending a relationship because I can't take it anymore.

[Brokenwings]

I personally think he is attention seeking and won't hurt himself but again tell him you will have to tell a family member if he carries on as you ate worried....and if he us playing around I am sure it will stop

[serene_sunsets]

BW..i've tried to explain it to him innumerable times n he also promises me he wont do this next time but when we have another fight,he's just back to normal n starts threatening again!!then finally i have to threaten him that i'll do something if he doesnt reply and then i get a reply instantly!!lol...hes such a silly dumbo!!..lucky u,ur guy sobred down..i'l have to try ur advice n see if it has any effect!

HD...i guess ur right about telling his family members or sum1...maybe he'd feel ashamed n stop this kiddish behaviour..n i've tried explaining to him that i want our relation to be frank n we both should be able to express ourselves freely..when i explain it to him nicely he becomes reallyyy nice n he says he'll change himself from now n for a few days he totally changes himself n then suddenly at some really small thing he'll blow up again n get back to normal!!

[Brokenwings]

My SO stopped swearing at me but it did get really bad at one point and i lost my confidence and self-esteem lowered.

However, i always explain if there is a problem then talk to me about it - we meant to work together not against each other, but he is the same as your BF when it comes to the crunch he is back to his usualy ways of not wanting to talk, so your BF might threaten to kill himself my one just doesnt want 2 speak for days lol and trust me it is draining.

You need to stand strong and hold your ground, because at times i feel i am dealing with a child.

[WildChild]

What you dealing with are toxic men. There is an excellent book about the types and some way to cope. The psychologists who wrote the book do state that the best thing to do is to walk away but if you feel you can't they offer ways of dealing with these types of men, as they don't treat people or respond like most men. The book explains how to recognize various types of toxic men, how they think, how to determine if you Must get out or if you can cope with staying. It then explains why ways that you interact with normal, emotionally healthy men, won't work with these guys and how you can turn the tables and get some of yourself back - understand that the psychologists say it is unlikely that they will change much.

Do you really want a lifetime of this?

Anyway if you insist on doing this to yourself - you have to own that. This is a choice you are making, to stay with an immature, controlling jerk. The book is, "Let's Face It, Men Are $$#%\&$" What Women Can Do About It, by Joseph W. Rock, Psy.D. and Barry L. Duncan, Psy.D.

[note: this is the actual title and not a way of getting around the profanity filter]

[Brokenwings]

Its sometimes really hard to let go of someone that you truely care about, no matter how much bad qualities they have its so hard.
I will actually purchase the book - maybe some wider reading will help. Thank you WC

[serene_sunsets]

BW..i know how tough it is..my guy threatens n he also stops talking for days just like ur bf...but the reason why im still with him is that im too close to him n just like u say,its hard to let go of sum1 u care about...im just hoping he'l realise sumday how wrong he his..btw,do u think this behaviour of his,trying to make me do as he says is because of his mom-dad relation?as i said earlier,his mom follows almost everything his dad says as she's a lot more younger than him n obviously she'l have it in her mind that he's more wise n experienced...so it is possible he wants me to be like his mom n thats y he gets bothered when i dont agree to do something he says??when i disagree with something he says he starts saying i have no respect for him n i dont trust him thats y im questionin him all the time n blah blah blah...

WC..thanks a lot for ur help..will try to get that book as soon as possible!!

[Brokenwings]

Lol I'm laughing as I understand you 100%!
Something in their life has made them like this, either past relationships or parents as his patents haven't had a good marriage but now they are all good.

If I question him out of curiosity he thinks I'm suspicious & dont trust him & he takes things the wrong way all the time even tho I'm not saying anything wrong.

It got really bad at one point, everything was good and he wouldn't pick up my calls as he was busy I started to panic he is ignoring me and when he pocked up he thought I was thinking he is with another girl when that didn't cross my mind. Few days of ignoring me he swore at me so much, said nasty things to me I ended up having anxiety attacks and went through minor depression.

Luckily he has changed for the better but I care so much for him I find it hard to let go but I do really think to myself if I could put up with this for the rest of my life.
He is hard work and I shouldn't have to be scared of getting ignored and ringing so many times for an answer that is wrong.

[serene_sunsets]

lol..how did u get him to change then??coz when i explain it to him really nicely,he says sorry n all n he says he'll change himself but the change doesnt last for long!!..i want a permanent change not a temporary one!n i dont think his parents had any problems earlier,but yes his dad is really strict..n he gets angry real fast..so maybe its in his genes!

[jns]

lol..how did u get him to change then??coz when i explain it to him really nicely,he says sorry n all n he says he'll change himself but the change doesnt last for long!!..i want a permanent change not a temporary one!n i dont think his parents had any problems earlier,but yes his dad is really strict..n he gets angry real fast..so maybe its in his genes!

He may want to change, but it would go against the social conditioning he learned ever since he was a newborn. It is not genetic, although some of it could be due to genes.This is why a lot of us say that guys don't change. With therapy, he may be able to soften the rough edges, but it will take a lot of time and effort. Is he up for that?