[Locks]

So this is my first post and strangely enough it's about my relationship.

A bit of background - My boyfriend and I are both in our early 30's. We met online and have been in a long distance relationship for five years. (When I say long distance I mean 2400 miles apart) We don't get to see each other as much as we used to because life tends to get in the way so instead of every 2-3 months we're pretty much every six months at this point.

He's my best friend hands down, no contest. I love talking to him and do so for at least an hour everyday. I was very upfront with him from day one and I told him that I was a jealous and possessive person and if there were things he didn't want me to do he couldn't do them either.

So....

Because I am a jealous person yet strangely crafty over the years I've cracked things like message board accounts, and email accounts, facebook, myspace etc. There have been instances of me finding messages (only on the slightly flirty side) to ex-girlfriends, lunch arrangements with work women he never talked to me about, outings with other people he never told me about, and then there's the lies.

He lies incessantly to bolster where he is in his life. When he speaks to someone he hasn't talked to in a while it's either that he finished his degree (he didn't complete college and I've been encouraging him to go back which he was supposed to have done in 2008 but still hasn't) or he works a different position in the department he's in, or some other little egotistical lie.

Here comes the humor - he wants to know why I don't trust him. He says he deserves someone who trusts him.

I cannot move to be with him. I have a child from a previous relationship and I will not move him away from his father. He isn't in school, moved back in with his mother in order to save money to go to school (which he's not) and the job he has he could EASILY get here, plus he claims he has thousands saved to pay for tuition.

Is it unreasonable for me to be at a put up or shut up moment in this relationship? We've spit up and gotten back together more times than I can count or even recall. (In his defense he's only initiated it once - usually it's me) I can't understand the point of maintaining a relationship like this if it's never going to progress?

Am I the cake and he's getting the twinkies too? Or am I just being paranoid?

[jns]

So why are you using your energy on him? He is unlikely to change, just get better at hiding things.

[kristalyn_04]

If you know this relationship isn't going to go anywhere, why are you sticking around? Why do you keep going back to him? Is it loneliness? Just wanting to be in a relationship?

I don't see how long distance relationships can work out, unless someone would be willing to relocate at some point in the future. LDR's require a lot of trust, and that is obviously not there in your case. Also, relationships require physical and emotional intimacy, which isn't possible in LDR situations. It makes it impossible for the relationship to progress past a certain point.

You would be much better off ending this and finding someone who lives closer to you, who you are compatible with and is trustworthy.

[WildChild]

An LDR for this long, without marriage bonds or children, sounds more like a fantasy relationship.
Have you considered why you are willing to spend so long in a nonrelationship relationship? He sounds more like a pen pal used to be. Either you both have low sex drives or something else going on.

Reguardless of anything else, it you can't trust, you need to move on.

[Locks]

An LDR for this long, without marriage bonds or children, sounds more like a fantasy relationship.
Have you considered why you are willing to spend so long in a nonrelationship relationship? He sounds more like a pen pal used to be. Either you both have low sex drives or something else going on.

Reguardless of anything else, it you can't trust, you need to move on.

That's pretty much where I'm at now.

To be honest - I'm so busy with school and being a mother that I don't have the want or desire to meet anyone locally and date so a part of this is convenience for me. I've often considered filling my home with cats and various ceramic figurines and just dating those instead. (ha!)

I know I don't personally have a low drive I'm just not about to hurt him like that regardless of what he's done or might have done to me. When I look in the mirror I only see my own actions. (or in this case lack there of)

I appreciate the clarity - thank you kindly.