[Guest]

so theres this girl at school...

anyways, we don't have classes together, but i wanna talk to her. i've never actually spoken to her, except to remark "hey, i like your headgear...is it keeping you warm?" once as we crossed paths in the hallway. a few days later she asked me if the beenie i was wearing was "keeping me warm." I guess that woulda been the perfect opening, but I got nervous and screwed it up.

All that happened a few weeks ago.

What I need to know is, would it be considered obtrusive and overly aggressive if i just walked up to her and started chit-chatting? And assuming the conversation goes fairly well...would it be seen as desperate if I asked her out for coffee based off a grand total of 5 mins of talking? I have friends who've gotten first dates with less, so it can be done, right?

I see no other way to talk to her since we dont have any common ground asides from both being human. Well OK, we do have one other thing in common: we're both members of the same religious minority group...but theres quite a few of us around.

[jns]

What did you say and what did she say when talking about your "beanie"?

[Guest]

What did you say and what did she say when talking about your "beanie"?

it was literally a conversation of mere words.

first day:

me: i'm digging your headgear.
her: thanks.
me: keeping you warm [its cold in the building, so a relevant question]?
her: oh yeah

a few days later i walk up to her and a few other ppl...

her: is the hat keeping you warm?
me, as i take my hat off: yeah...because i have no hair [my head is buzzed all the way down]
her, as she talks to the guy sitting next to her: the other day he [thats me] asked me about my hat and i was cracking up...

thats it. thats all that was said. i feel like i may have missed a grand opportuntity to chat her up...but the presence of other dudes intimidated me. if it was just her, i would have sat down and talked to her.

[jns]

You could have had a good joke about trying to grow hair by keeping the top of your head warm and wetting it down every morning, but you are not having much success. You could still do it, say it when you see her in the hall, but do it with a deadpan face and a twinkle in your eye or a wink a couple of seconds after you say it. Then turn it into a running joke. You can tease her about not having the same problem, if it is appropriate. Girls and guys like someone who can joke about things. You can sometimes poke light fun at yourself.

What you need to know is if she already has a steady boyfriend or if she is into dating. Also, find out what classes she is taking and see if you have some common ground. Do you have any common friends who will help you? See if you could have common after school activities.

[Guest]

thanks for the ideas. i could definitely talk to her about her classes.

another thing...my roomates know i like her, but they both think she's ugly...one of them has since recanted somewhat and admitted, that she's "not bad" and so he's not as hostile anymore. but the other one almost literally gets angry anytime i bring her up. they both used to get animated with "we can't see what you see in her..."

i still think she's hot.

its just a little tough cuz if i did ask her out, i'd kinda have to keep it a secret to avoid them giving me a hard time about it.

[stressed]

- Ignore the roommates (they won't be your roommates forever).

- Walk up to her and after a talk about classes, ask her out for a cup of coffee to continue the discussion.

Nothing wrong with having a coffee, it's common, doesn't mean anything, and it shows interest in wanting to spend a couple of hours with someone.

Go for it.

[Hopeless Dork]

I would suggest making some more convo with her , something relevent with whatever the situation is. Be relaxed, be yourself, keep things light ... let your personality shine, if you are funny .. be funny, girls love funny. If she is volly'ing the convo with you... you can say that you are going to grab some coffee... invite her to come along. That way its kind of spur of the moment, no pressure type thing... if she says sure you know she's interested, if she says she actually was heading somewhere else, she really could be -- so unless she is giving you the stink face, go head and ask 'maybe some other time?' and exchange numbers.

Never make it seem like you are hanging on her answer, make it casual... like you are just being friendly and depending on how interested she seems in talking to you, bump things up from there.

[Guest]

Chill....

Take a deep breath. You'll be fine. The only way to learn about her is to talk to her. Use the hat subject if you need something that is familliar..."Hi ! Remember me? I'm the guy with the goofy hat..." or whatever.... You just gotta get up the guts and go for it !! If you "fall flat on your face" that's okay too, pick yourself up, brush yourself off and tell her that you're a little nervous. If she asks why? Tell her that too.....because you find her to be attractive (most females appreciate honesty and a guy with the guts enough to say how they feel....as long as your not being derogatory).

As for your roommates, comments like that are usually for two reasons; 1) they're immature, and/or 2) they're jealous! good for you! your roommates are jealous.

Now go and talk to this girl....do it today!

[Guest]

Sorry...I see that I got a bit side tracked.....

"how do u ask a girl out??? "

You walk up to her, say hello, look her in the eyes, and say "Sally, I'd like to meet you for coffee tomorrow after classes, say around 3:30?"

Good luck!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Use the hat again

Next time you see her, say " I see your still keeping yourself warm" and smile, she should reply with " I see you are too" and smile.

At that point, say " well coffee also keeps you warm, want to have one with me say tomorrow at 3.30pm and Joes, ".....

CW