[cinbuns]

I'll make this as short as possible.

I have been dating my b/f for 2 1/2 years, and we are in our 20's. (He's 2 years older than I am). The beginning of our relationship was rough bc he was trying to get back with an ex and using adult friend finder and many other sites. When I found out, we temporarily broke up until he deleted all accounts.

We soon built a solid relationship. We only fight occasionally and we were having sex regularly. However, now we rarely do. I try to initiate it with him, and sometimes it works but usually it fails & he ignores me. This past weekend, I left on Sat. night and came back Sun. morning, and found that he had looked at tons of porn online both days. This makes me upset because I can't get him to have sex with me, but he has no problem with doing it himself. I give him everything he wants in bed, and this is what I get??

Also, he is really into "anal machines" and "hardcore" porn. This sounds unusual bc he never looks at just regular porn, just that kind of thing. This worries me bc it sounds like he is a freak! When I ask him about viewing porn, he lies and says he never does- when I've seen that he has.

Please tell me what to do if you were in this situation! I'm very upset & confused.

[rcoreyus]

I don't think that just watching porn, even fetish porn is a problem. In this case though, it is directly affecting your sex life and that IS a problem. He is watching porn and not wanting to have sex with you.

I think your best approach is to put it clearly that way - he doesn't want to have sex with you any more, but is watching porn and taking care of himself. (what type of porn he is watching really isn't the main problem). You need to let him know that you aren't willing to continue in this sort of relationship.

Unfortunately there are some men who wind up preferring porn to sex with a real woman. You can all this "addiction" or not, the name doesn't matter. If they aren't willing to change, then I think leaving is the only reasonable option.

[stressed]

His behavior is abnormal and he lies about it on top of it all. Which means that he hasn't even accepted he has a problem in the first place. Ask him what is going on with him and why he's lost interest in sex.

Based on what you've told us, it's possible that he's become so used to hardcore porn/masturbation that sex doesn't satisfy him anymore (mostly mentally, than physically) and it's not because of you. The longer he chooses porn over sex the worse he's going to become towards you. If he won't change within 3-6 months, don't invest in this relationship anymore, it will only become harder to leave over time and you can end up more sexually frustrated than you have ever been or will be as single.

[WildChild]

This is the new relationship disfunction issue, as if we didn't have enough already.
I dealt with more than two years of it. It isn't about you. It's about him, ALL about him.
This does several things, it gets him out of a reciprocal emotional connection, its gets him off fast and hard and it gives him complete control. None of these are condusive to a good relationship with another human.

I suggest trying one last conversation about it and if he tries to correct this great and when he slips back into it - almost guaranteed he will - say good bye my love, maybe forever. Find a man who actually likes having a woman in his life more than a fantasy.

[Guest]

It's time for you to go...

How many chances are you going to give this guy to LIE to you?

Open honest communication, along with trust, are the foundations on which every good relationship is built and you don't have any of them.

I hate to be so blunt, but he's obviously got a problem that he isn't willing to work on, so it's time to go.

[jns]

I agree with WC and SA.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Go back to one and a half years ago, or a time when fighting was minimal and re-live it together.

When fighting is constant, sex is less frequent and a man will turn to alternative means, you have to have that bond, love, respect, "trust" and intimacy then it is a beautiful feeling...Don't feel that you have to try to be sexy and initiate "sex" what sometimes a person really wants is to be loved....then sex just flows....

Time to trust and love again....

And, if that doesn't work, then maybe it's run its course...but unless you focus on un-conditional love first, then you haven't given your all to turn it back around and you won't have closure....you'll always wonder.....

CW

[Mighty Grasshopper]

Red flags since day 1 and you know it. Time to leave. There are way better men out there that will treat you like gold. A second chance only prolongs the inevitable