[crissylynn]

I really just needed to talk to someone about this and i figured this would be a great place. A little background, my boyfriend and i met at work late 2009 and he was dating his ex and i was also with someone. We started hanging out in March 2010 after he found out she was cheating on him and they had broken up. I had also broken up with my bf. So we have been dating since then and going on 1 year.

Fast forward to this Sunday night, she texts him out of the blue and says she tested positive for chlamydia or gonohrrea or both idk. She said she was sorry and that he should get tested. Demanding him to get tested and tell her what is going on with him. Now although i think she is complete trash and psycho i commend her for stepping up and telling him. But my problem is is that they haven't seen or been with each other for a year and I have experienced chlamydia and the symptoms showed up within a week. He thinks that she is lying about it and just looking for his attention, I however don't think anyone would joke about having an std but i do think she is looking for his sympathy.

We both are going to get tested anyways but i'm just worried because i have an iud so if i did catch anything and have had it this long i could have much worse problems such as infertility. Plus i have the thought in the back of my mind that she could have had something for life.

I find it very disrespectful that she thinks she can get ahold of him whenever she feels like it, there have been a couple other times in the past she talked to him but he kept it short. I guess i'm just feeling down because i have that little voice in the back of my mind thinking that they talk on a regular basis and he's not telling me or he likes her texting him or things like that. I'm trying to stay positive and just get tested then move on.

I'm just looking for some outside perspective and comfort i guess, can ya guys help me out?

[rcoreyus]

I don't see anything to indicate that your boyfriend has done anything wrong. His ex sounds like trouble, but she is his ex.

She may not know how long it takes for symptoms to develop and thought she should tell him.

[stressed]

Unless he contacts her on a frequent basis without telling you and has her number like she has his (that's why it's always better to change number after a break-up) then I don't see why it's suspicious she contacted him about an STD. On the contrary, that's what many would do after learning about it and it's a quite mature approach, regardless of the STD. Now you both have the chance to get tested, whereas if she hadn't told him about it you'd never know where it came from if it came up in the future and then you'd worry about him cheating on you when it would be because of her. Plus, the last thing she'd want to tell him if she was interested in him at all would be that she's caught an STD.

Seems perfectly safe to me.

[Guest]

Contact about an STD concern = the mature "adult" thing to do, so give the "trash, psycho" some serious credit for doing the right thing.

Now that's she's notified him, there's really no reason to continue dialogue between the two EXCEPT him sharing his results with her....also a good idea perhaps.

Then again, I've NEVER understood why members of "current" couples get so hung up over communication/friendship with an ex. Are you, whichever member it is, that insecure in your current relationship with your partner that you feel threatened by them maintaining some sort of relatinship with their ex? If you are, that's a YOU problem and not a him or her problem.

Work on you and do what you can do to keep and maintain a happy, healthy and long term relationship with your partner.

Stay focused on the present, don't worry about the past and think about the future....your future together.

You are NOW, they are the EX, there is a very good reason for both.

[Mighty Grasshopper]

Contact about an STD concern = the mature

Then again, I've NEVER understood why members of "current" couples get so hung up over communication/friendship with an ex. Are you, whichever member it is, that insecure in your current relationship with your partner that you feel threatened by them maintaining some sort of relatinship with their ex? If you are, that's a YOU problem and not a him or her problem.

great advice! This is a great example of what i would consider a red flag. Much like how women appreciate a confident man, a man appreciate a secure woman who is okay with their man to talk to ex's, other women, etc. She's secure, but not stupid. if the guy's taking advantage of this, breaking dates, hardcore flirting with his ex, then she would bring this up, or even better, knows that he's not for her and moves on.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's possible that she ignored the symptoms, as thrush or basically a female's problem full stop until she went to the Doctor and was diagnosed....in addition the symptoms don't necessarily show signs...


If she stated "two things", it's possible that the guy she is/was seeing started having burning sensations whilst urinating and therefore, was tested, then she got tested and he told her it's "not" him, must have been her, off which then has sent her to texting your boyfriend, not only "get tested" but "I want to know" ...so she can do the blame game.

Chlamidia and gonohrrea often go hand in hand, the later a bacterial infection often caused by anal sex without condoms...

If you have experienced it, then chances are he will find he is a carrier, unless you slept with him in 2009 and he slept with her again whilst at the inset of dating, then you may have been the carrier, the point is, who knows, if it is there, then you have to attend to it...

I think it is more than reasonable that she texted him with this information, she wants to know who gave it to her...

STD's are so unfortunate off course are preventable, but not every person is a player that gets infected, sometimes it's purely a feel of trust of a previous partner when otherwise, wasn't the case...

Don't let it affect your relationship if your relationship is strong.

And, if you two practise Anal, without condoms, then consider that as well it's a bacterial heaven there, which can also cause you more problems if passed from the anus to your vagina....

A text here and there from any ex is not an issue really, if you know that you two have a great connection, then there should be no fear, or anger...

CW

[jns]

I really just needed to talk to someone about this and i figured this would be a great place. A little background, my boyfriend and i met at work late 2009 and he was dating his ex and i was also with someone. We started hanging out in March 2010 after he found out she was cheating on him and they had broken up. I had also broken up with my bf. So we have been dating since then and going on 1 year.

Fast forward to this Sunday night, she texts him out of the blue and says she tested positive for chlamydia or gonohrrea or both idk. She said she was sorry and that he should get tested. Demanding him to get tested and tell her what is going on with him. Now although i think she is complete trash and psycho i commend her for stepping up and telling him. But my problem is is that they haven't seen or been with each other for a year and I have experienced chlamydia and the symptoms showed up within a week. He thinks that she is lying about it and just looking for his attention, I however don't think anyone would joke about having an std but i do think she is looking for his sympathy.

We both are going to get tested anyways but i'm just worried because i have an iud so if i did catch anything and have had it this long i could have much worse problems such as infertility. Plus i have the thought in the back of my mind that she could have had something for life.

I find it very disrespectful that she thinks she can get ahold of him whenever she feels like it, there have been a couple other times in the past she talked to him but he kept it short. I guess i'm just feeling down because i have that little voice in the back of my mind thinking that they talk on a regular basis and he's not telling me or he likes her texting him or things like that. I'm trying to stay positive and just get tested then move on.

I'm just looking for some outside perspective and comfort i guess, can ya guys help me out?

You both need to get tested.

In normal situations, you both should have got tested when you started having sex or slightly before and then it would be good to be tested again several months later. Then you would be able to use those results to deny (or confirm) the infection.

[crissylynn]

Thank you all for the advice. Just to be clear I did say in my post that I did commend her for stepping up and letting him know just in case. When I said that I experienced chlamydia this was years ago and have been treated. I've had no symptoms of anything while I've been with my current boyfriend.

To Seeker: many people have different views about communication with an ex. I believe it goes along with experience, my past experiences with it have been bad, both me contacting exes or my bf contacting theirs. Yes i know it shows insecurity but when we first started hanging out they were still living together but they had broken up. He was paying for everything and still after he moved out he kept giving her money. She had some kind of "hold" on him and he was being manipulated. Along with that she and her new bf began texting me giving me . So i'm a little nervous about some woman having a hold on my guy, so that whenever she texts or communicates with him he will feel obligated to reply.

I am very confident in our relationship and do not dwell on his ex everyday even though I may seem like I am. I just wanted some outside perspective on this so thank you all for your thoughts. We will be getting tested this week.

[thesweettwin]

Crissylynn,

I completely understand where you're coming from about the ex contacting him. It was good for her to at least tell him that she had tested positive for it, IF she actually did. I know it's hard to imagine someone lying about that, but I have known some girls to do it just to get back at their ex. My boyfriend and I get into little arguements every now and then about his ex too. When she found out that I was moving in with him, she started threatening me and threatening to kill herself. So, until things calmed down with her, 3 months later, I went home and waited to move nack in. Now she is fine but texts him from time to time. I hate it just because I dont want another situation like she put me through before. I trust him though, so I know that it's just her being jealous of what we have and they didn't. I don't think that you're boyfriend contacts her or anything like that.
Good luck with your tests and I hope everything works out with you and your boyfriend.

[crissylynn]

Crissylynn,

I completely understand where you're coming from about the ex contacting him. It was good for her to at least tell him that she had tested positive for it, IF she actually did. I know it's hard to imagine someone lying about that, but I have known some girls to do it just to get back at their ex. My boyfriend and I get into little arguements every now and then about his ex too. When she found out that I was moving in with him, she started threatening me and threatening to kill herself. So, until things calmed down with her, 3 months later, I went home and waited to move nack in. Now she is fine but texts him from time to time. I hate it just because I dont want another situation like she put me through before. I trust him though, so I know that it's just her being jealous of what we have and they didn't. I don't think that you're boyfriend contacts her or anything like that.
Good luck with your tests and I hope everything works out with you and your boyfriend.

Thank you very much. It's very nice to talk to others who have had similar situations. I was hesitant to post on here because of course no one knows her or the whole situation and they just read the words i write about her. When we first got together she had threatened to slash my tires even though i knew fully well she didn't know where i lived.

But anyway, she texted him again today saying she was really sick and needed to know his test results, even though we haven't gotten tested yet. She also said that she needed to clear his name with her doctor, which with my own experience, it is the doctors responsibility to report her for an std but it is hers to contact anyone she has had sex with. After reading everyone's thoughts, I decided to take an adult route with this and we decided he should text her back letting her know we were getting tested and will let her know and in the meantime she should contact her other partners. I think that was as civil as the convo can get, plus if she really is sick I don't wish that on anyone.

Thanks everyone!