[pixie8989]

Hi all,

Just a little advice needed.

Background: Well me (21) and my boyfriend (23) have been together to for two and a half years this month and we have been deeply in love and I still feel that we are but sometimes I doubt myself. Currently we have had a disagreement about him having his ex on facebook and how she always likes/comments on his stuff. He never does on hers, but I told him how I didn't feel comfortable with him having her on facebook and that it made me insecure and that I would appreciate it if he deleted her. But he says I am just being childish and that he is not going to - which makes the whole matter worse as I feel that he considers her feelings more than mine. Yes ok at the moment you may think this sounds childish - but he tells me he harly ever talks 2 her, he hasnt seen her for the whole time we have been going out and I've spoke 2 my girl friends about this and they feel I am justified in what I am saying - plus I also know that his previous relationship before me and after this ex i am talking about, she had problems with her too.

Anyway, like I said I have spoke 2 my bf about this, but the trouble is he doesn't say anything back and just goes silent. It is so difficult to communicate with him about my feelings because he won't talk and just goes quiet then it is left to me to start speaking to him and apologise for something I won't have done - this happens in the most cases that we fall out. I have just come home to my parents, to get on top of some work, and things seemed fine when I left him, but now spending some time away I don't know how I feel...I do love him, and I don't think I will finish with him, but I don't know I don't feel as close or connected to him. This could be just because we are apart or I duno if this whole ex thing is pushing me away but I also think that he is perhaps loosing interest in me too.

I have tried talking to him but he is soo difficult to talk 2 about these kind of things - I won't be seeing him until Monday and I know when I do see him everything will be fine with us, he'l be happy to see me but I just want to know why I am feeling like this now? as when I am normally away with him i miss him-plus he is off out 2mo night with some guy mates and as awful as it sounds I feel like I wouldn't care if he pulled someone else. obviously I would be devastated and heart broken - or am I just looking for an excuse to end the relationship

Sorry that it is such a complicated thread x

[Hopeless Dork]

I think the trouble with having an ex on facebook is it brings an element from the ex that under no other circumstance would be deemed appropriate to a new relationship. How many women would be happy if every single time their boyfriends ex took a picture she texted it their boyfriend... that everytime she went to a movie, she texted him and told him all about it... that everytime she liked a new song, she told him, etc... most ppl would think either the ex is nuts -- or the boyfriend is nuts for wanting all that info from his ex. But... facebook does exactly that... it allows the ex to be in his face every single moment she wants to be -- sure... its not directed at him, its directed at her entire facebook... but she pops up on his home page all the same, day in day out...

You are not wrong for having a bad taste in your mouth over it... its weird. The past is the past and as long as he loves you and makes you feel special you do not need to worry about exes... but that does not mean you have to be thrilled he's agreed to friends with an ex on there, thereby cementing himself to any daily whim she feels like writing about.

You can only tell him how you feel hun, its up to him to decide if he keeps her or not. I know you feel like he's picking her feelings over yours and its pretty rediculous considering she's not the one that loves him... you are. But all that being said you have to let him decide for himself whether or not he wants to keep her. Asking him to delete isn't fair because... you don't own him. If he has given you no reason to think he's into her and doesn't do things like this all the time... then I see no reason to worry too much or leave him over it or anything like that.

But now that he knows how you feel about adding exes to fb , if he continues to add more... if he does other things that contradict your feelings... you might have to stop and think about whether or not you guys see eye to eye on respect for each other. All people have a different line in the sand that they draw... some women have no problems with exes on fb, some do... since you are one of the ones that do... you have to be treated by him as an individual, with your feelings being considered, as they matter.

If he makes you feel special and loved and this is the only thing you've had to deal with that hurt your feelings, you might want to just let it go... if its just another bale of straw on your back that he's been piling up of things that bother you... you guys need to talk.

[Guest]

I think this is a YOU problem and not a HIM problem.

Why is it that you expect him to sever all ties with his EX? Has he done ANYTHING to make you think that he has not been committed to you over the last 2.5 years? Has he done anything to cause you any concern about cheating?

There is a reason that YOU are his CURRENT, for the last 2.5 years, and she is his EX.

If he's not sneaking around and hiding his Facebook from you, then what difference does it make?

Does HE KNOW that you don't "think I (you) will finish with him"?

Either get over it or let him go to be with someone who isn't so insecure....

[crissylynn]

I think the trouble with having an ex on facebook is it brings an element from the ex that under no other circumstance would be deemed appropriate to a new relationship. How many women would be happy if every single time their boyfriends ex took a picture she texted it their boyfriend... that everytime she went to a movie, she texted him and told him all about it... that everytime she liked a new song, she told him, etc... most ppl would think either the ex is nuts -- or the boyfriend is nuts for wanting all that info from his ex. But... facebook does exactly that... it allows the ex to be in his face every single moment she wants to be -- sure... its not directed at him, its directed at her entire facebook... but she pops up on his home page all the same, day in day out...

You are not wrong for having a bad taste in your mouth over it... its weird. The past is the past and as long as he loves you and makes you feel special you do not need to worry about exes... but that does not mean you have to be thrilled he's agreed to friends with an ex on there, thereby cementing himself to any daily whim she feels like writing about.

This is beautiful. I agree 100%.

[pixie8989]

It isn't like I have a problem with him, it's her I have the problem with, it's like she won't let go (for example she will still call him pet names on his wall which she used to call him when they were going out, and they were going out about 5 years ago when they were 16 - 18!), he is not interested in her at all, he has told me that and I believe him. It's like she doesn't realise how serious relationship we are in. It just annoys me that's all. My boyfriend and I have a really good relationship, better than most and I would just like her to realise that and back off and just leave us to get one with our life because she won't and never will be part of it. Probably the jealousy kicking in, when I know I don't have anything to be jealous about, but that's the green eyed monster for you - it does awful things to your mind!

[Lekhika]

Hi Pixie,

hey Pixie you are a smart girl. you know the answer and you yourself have mentioned it at the end of your post. Believe me! you love this guy very much so please stop thinking about breaking up this relationship for his silly Ex. I don't know why these Exes have this tendency to show affection after breaking up with their guys.I can understand how suffocating you will be feeling, but this not the right way to treat such an interesting relation. Got it!! Your insecurity is valid but it can harm your relation as well. If your BF doesnt take interest in her then i dont think you should fear much. If he is really serious for you then he can atleast take care of your feelings that's why probably he doesnt show any interest while that 'EX' communicates with her on Fb.

Try to let him know about your situation. You can drop him a romantic email or write a letter and ask him to answer it. Ask him if he is ready to lose you at the cost of seeing that EX on fb.Please try to solve this issue very patiently as its quite a delicate matter and it can hurt his feelings also. He may have a soft-corner for that girl, if she was his first girlfriend. Please make him aware of whatever is in your mind and whatever you have mentioned here.

[pixie8989]

Hi Pixie,

hey Pixie you are a smart girl. you know the answer and you yourself have mentioned it at the end of your post. Believe me! you love this guy very much so please stop thinking about breaking up this relationship for his silly Ex. I don't know why these Exes have this tendency to show affection after breaking up with their guys.I can understand how suffocating you will be feeling, but this not the right way to treat such an interesting relation. Got it!! Your insecurity is valid but it can harm your relation as well. If your BF doesnt take interest in her then i dont think you should fear much. If he is really serious for you then he can atleast take care of your feelings that's why probably he doesnt show any interest while that 'EX' communicates with her on Fb.

Try to let him know about your situation. You can drop him a romantic email or write a letter and ask him to answer it. Ask him if he is ready to lose you at the cost of seeing that EX on fb.Please try to solve this issue very patiently as its quite a delicate matter and it can hurt his feelings also. He may have a soft-corner for that girl, if she was his first girlfriend. Please make him aware of whatever is in your mind and whatever you have mentioned here.

Thanks for your post, I have tried talking to him but it doesn't work. He does not like talking about this kind of stuff, because he feels there is no point wasting his time over it, and just goes silent if I bring it up. He knows how I feel and he knows I will always feel like that. There's not much else I can do. I've sent him an email and he's just told me I've wasted my time writing it.
I sometimes feel I deserve better but I'm not sure if that is what I really want. I don't want to give him an ultimatum either, saying he'll loose me if he still has his ex on FB.
I need to try and forget about it and hopefully she will stop so I don't have to think about it!! Just gets me down that's all!! I'm sure we will be fine xx