[kunoichi]

At what point in your association with this guy was it ever "fabulous" marvelous" "wonderful" or "terrific"? I didn't read anywhere about those feelings....

sorry I must have made certain things sound worse than they are, I guess.
Things have really been great before. That's why I think this is worth another shot. It was probably the best time of my life, really. We really got along real well, we have pretty much the same hobbies and we enjoyed doing lots of things together and sex was great... now I am just confused.

the pictures/videos... I trusted him with my life. Maybe I was naive... I never ever thought he would say something like that... even though he said he would have never done it, my trust for him is now like a crumbled piece of paper. Definitely learnt my lesson this time...

Another reason why I think this is worth another shot is that I am aware of the fact that I changed as well and I have told him some really horrible things during our arguments... not trying to motivate the messed up things he's done, but I know I am not perfect and that I can drive people insane.

I think that this change of attitude started around the time I had some problems with Candidiasis, which lowered my libido, but we found ways around it, and we were fine as I was getting better... or at least that's what I think. I noticed he's afraid of being "left alone" or not getting enough pleasure when it comes to sex - I think it's also because of the same ex that I talked about before, who wasn't a very sexual person. We talked about it and even thought he denied having such fears in the first place, he agreed it is a plausible premise. I was actually surprised he didn't take it as an insult and we could actually *talk* and not get angry at eachother. So I think that talking is possible.

In the end, I don't think he is selfish, just insecure.


thanks guys for the replies

[rcoreyus]

Not good. He threatened you with public humiliation (posting videos / pictures). He doesn't trust you and spies on you. You don't trust him. Whether there is reason for the lack of trust on either side doesn't matter. I think that a relationship without trust has lost almost all of its value.

[jns]

I agree with RC. Without trust there cannot be a stable relationship. This relationship is too far gone to save.

[crissylynn]

I agree with others about no trust=no relationship. I don't know how old you are but it may not seem like it but there are a lot of other guys out there that will not do this to you. Generally when people search through things they are looking for something, anything that implicates that other person. I know from experience, in my case I was upset at first for finding that something but now I am glad because I found out how much of a loser he was. I'm not saying either of you have found anything out about the other cheating etc but you/him are obviously wanting to find something.

I'm not sure if this is actually factual but I have read somewhere that cheaters usually get paranoid that their s.o. is cheating also because obviously they are doing it themselves and are getting away with it. Something to think about it but just remember there are many fish in the sea!