Firstly I want to say "Hey" to the forum since I'm a newbie :-).
OK. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and in those two years, we've had our share of ups and downs... Last August we lost a baby that we both really wanted. In that time, when we needed to be there for each other, we actually became more distant... I remember him saying after a few days of grie that he was "over it" but I wasn't. I remember calling him one evening and telling how much I needed him and his response was very cold and callious. He just wasn't there the way I needed him to be which caused us to break up... In January, he emailed me saying how not being there for me was a Hugh mistake and how he'd never neglect my needs and that he's not good with emotional situations and doesn't really know what it means to "be there" (he's always been very emotional "cold" so I believe that). Since then we've been making efforts to make it work. Recently, due to stress and a family situation, I lashed out at him and said some hurtful things. He refused to talk to me for a week because he was hurt by what I said. When we started talking again, he was still sort of ill-at-ease but was willing to talk. We hadn't seen much of each other. The same week we started talking, his Grandmother had open heart surgery (a few weeks prior he'd found out about her needing the surgery and I remember him crying and being upset). Every since then he's been "busy" or distant from me. We've barely seen each other and I really just want to be there for him. He calls every single day, etc. but we just don't see each other. I asked him if he needed to take a break from me to regroup and he said no but given the fact that I feel like I have to make an appointment to spend time, feels like a break all the same. He also just moved, is stressed about financial issues, etc. so I understand that there's a lot going on... I guess my question is, how do I be there without being overbearing. When we talk, he seems so frustrated all the time and part of me can't help but to think I've added to it... How do I approach this situation? Is he really that stressed or more annoyed?
OK. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and in those two years, we've had our share of ups and downs... Last August we lost a baby that we both really wanted. In that time, when we needed to be there for each other, we actually became more distant... I remember him saying after a few days of grie that he was "over it" but I wasn't. I remember calling him one evening and telling how much I needed him and his response was very cold and callious. He just wasn't there the way I needed him to be which caused us to break up... In January, he emailed me saying how not being there for me was a Hugh mistake and how he'd never neglect my needs and that he's not good with emotional situations and doesn't really know what it means to "be there" (he's always been very emotional "cold" so I believe that). Since then we've been making efforts to make it work. Recently, due to stress and a family situation, I lashed out at him and said some hurtful things. He refused to talk to me for a week because he was hurt by what I said. When we started talking again, he was still sort of ill-at-ease but was willing to talk. We hadn't seen much of each other. The same week we started talking, his Grandmother had open heart surgery (a few weeks prior he'd found out about her needing the surgery and I remember him crying and being upset). Every since then he's been "busy" or distant from me. We've barely seen each other and I really just want to be there for him. He calls every single day, etc. but we just don't see each other. I asked him if he needed to take a break from me to regroup and he said no but given the fact that I feel like I have to make an appointment to spend time, feels like a break all the same. He also just moved, is stressed about financial issues, etc. so I understand that there's a lot going on... I guess my question is, how do I be there without being overbearing. When we talk, he seems so frustrated all the time and part of me can't help but to think I've added to it... How do I approach this situation? Is he really that stressed or more annoyed?
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