[wishy0uwerehere]

i love my boyfriend dearly and he loves me too. we have a very good relationship except for both of our slightly low self esteem. we are both good looking people, but we get down on ourselves sometimes and dont feel good enough. me especially, because hes dated a LOT of women, and they are all really attractive. he tells me he thinks im the most beautiful woman in the world, but i dont believe it when i see pictures of these other women he dated. it makes me feel inferior, even though he tells me he loves me more than anyone (at least i know that is true because he treats me like a princess). im afraid my low self esteem is going to lead to resentment in this relationship, because he is much more experienced and has been with much more attractive people than i have. im not sure why i think its a contest, but for some reason i do. help! how do i stop thinking like this?

[wishy0uwerehere]

he is 25 and im 20, so hes had much more experience with both dating and sex. hes seriously dated 6 or 7 people, and ive only seriously dated 3 or 4 others. hes also slept with 9 people including me, and ive only slept with 3 including him. so thinking of him with all those other women really drives me nuts too, and i cant seem to stop the thoughts. i know hes had more time on this earth so it is standard that he has experienced more things, but i still dont like it. i just wish we were on the same level so i didnt feel so bad. if i had slept with a few more people or he had slept with a few less, i think i would feel like we're on the same playing field. but again, i dont know why that matters to me. he loves me, i love him...why do i let this other stuff get in the way?

[kristalyn_04]

Do you have confidence in your relationship? Do you trust him? Everything you said screams insecurity. So what if his past girlfriends were super hot? He is with you, he chose YOU. If I dated a guy that was previously with a supermodel, I wouldn't care, because there would obviously be something he saw in me that the supermodel lacked. Let me tell you something... the way you feel about someone, THEM as a person, enhances their physical attractiveness in your eyes. This is how your boyfriend sees you, being beautiful because of who you are more so than how you look. You have something that his past girlfriends didn't have, that made him fall in love with you. Have confidence in that, and nothing else will matter.

[wishy0uwerehere]

i do have confidence in my relationship. i dont want to sound stupid, but i really do know how much he loves me and i KNOW he will never leave me. and i love him too and want to be with him forever. and yes, youre right about how you feel about someone enhancing their beauty. that did make me feel better, thank you. i know most of this is my own insecurity. it just bugs me that there have been SO many other women and that a lot of them are much prettier than me. just makes me feel bad about myself, even though it shouldnt, because he chose me. i guess i just worry that maybe he compares my physical traits to theirs in his head (even though im a far better girlfriend, partner, and woman). stupid, i know, but this is how my brain works lol

[kristalyn_04]

Well, I can bet you that if he does compare, he is NOT comparing looks but rather all the things he loves about you that his past girlfriends lacked. The fact that you think these girls are prettier than you is only your opinion, and yours alone. If he loves you like you say he does, then I'll bet he would disagree with you, and tell you that you are the the sexiest, most beautiful woman he's ever had the pleasure to call his girlfriend (or something to that effect).

[Hopeless Dork]

How did you end up seeing pictures of his ex? A little advice for the future. Its, in my opinion, best to keep those ex files closed. Don't ask to see pics of exes, don't ask what they looked like, don't ask how much he loved them, don't ask who left who, how many he had, who was his favorite before you, who was best in bed -- just leave it be. He had a past, its a past for a reason. Don't compare yourself to exes because its apples and oranges, you are you, they are them -- and you will never see in yourself what others see in you, its just too hard.

A girl can be beautiful in a picture and ugly to the core on the inside and believe me, there is only so much you can tolerate of someone who the only thing you like about them is their appearance. Its the personality that ppl fall in love, looks attract, but chemistry, respect and friendship are what keeps or what that lack of will cause to seperate.

If he is the one bringing up his exes, just act disinterested in anything he has to say about them, eventually he will get the hint. If he doesn't... politely tell him that you'd rather not focus on the past. And change the subject, not aggressively, just matter of factly.

We'd like to pretend we were the first girl our guy ever laid eyes on, or the last, or the only... but what matters is that we're the one they choose to lay eyes on the most of all The fact you think his exes are pretty, let that comfort you rather than intimidate you, realize that you fall into a higher class of hot than you originally thought

[CHANDLERS WISH]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/dating/36150-resentment-about-something.html

What can we do to prove to you that he chose you?


Perhaps the problem lays in you not actually realising your true potential beauty you acknowledge that you are good looking but you see the past girls as being "better looking" ...

You are 20 he is 25 so to you you are, less experienced and so you have fear he is older.

Do you know the difference between a nieve, sweet 20 year old and a more experienced woman of 25? The man wants unfortunately the nieve sweet, 20 year old you are on a winner whilst they are trying to now find what they want, if they want or else they are enjoying the flirting, relations but you are young at it, a dream to a man.

Understand that and you will then know how safe you are.

CW

[JadedQueen]

People can be beautiful on the outside and hideous on the inside. You seem to put a lot of stock into looks, but looks aren't everything with time looks fade and often times people that are "beautiful" on the outside use their looks to manipulate situations and people and when those looks fade they really don't know how to treat people, haven't taken the time to educate themselves and are virtually left with nothing but photo's and memories of how beautiful they once were.
I personally would much rather be with a person that treats me well, loves me, than someone that the only thing they have going for them is the way they look (and a lot of times their looks rely on cosmetics).
Dwelling on your bf's exes is only going to drive you insane... and honestly, there is absolutely NO REASON for it. He isn't still communicating with his exes, he treats you well, he loves you, you love him so all the ingredients are there for a long, happy, healthy, loving relationship why do you want to dwell on his past relationships? He's not so why should you? It will only cause you to be insecure and from the sounds of it, there is absolutely no reason for it. Instead of focusing on your mans exes... focus on your relationship and enjoying all the wonderful times you share with the man that you love.

[rcoreyus]

When you man tell you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world BELIEVE HIM! It really is how guys think - if they love you, they think you are beautiful. For both of your sakes don't try to convince him otherwise.

SNIP... he tells me he thinks im the most beautiful woman in the world,... SNIP?

[Guest]

There is a reason or reasons all of them are history. There is also a reason or reasons that he is in a relationship with you. Do not dwell/live in the past, instead, focus on the future...yours.

I'm curious...does he have a lot of photos of his ex's? Scrapbooks? Photo albums? In his phone? If he does, and they bother you, ask him to put them away...not get rid of them but just pack them away. If they're on his phone, I'd ask him why...and wonder a bit.

We all have histories or pasts, so it's unfair to ask him to "throw away" his past photos. I imagine that he, as well as you have some wonderful memories too...we all do.

Be strong enough with yourself and your relationship to realize/recognize that you are it! Don't let some silly insecurity cause the destabilization of your relationship.

He says you're beautiful = you are! He thinks you're HOT! = you are!

Now go enjoy what you have, a nice relationship, and stop worrying about history...