[CHANDLERS WISH]

We can be clouded with our own griefs, thoughts

But hon, if you follow that and it doesn't work? Then he has to man up, and get his groove on better

[JadedQueen]

If the kids are in daycare all day while you are working and he is "supposed to be looking for work" and when you get home from work he conviently has to leave somewhere.... how is it possible he's doing anything resembling being a father? Sounds like the most he does with the kids is drop them off and pick them up from daycare. In my opinion that isn't fair to the kids.

Do you have any sort of confirmation that he has been actually looking for a job while he has your car and the kids are in daycare? Is he going on daily looking for work, actually filling out applications, going to interviews? Do you know for sure that he is REALLY looking instead of just making it appear as though he is looking? Do you pay for daycare costs as well? If he isn't actually looking for work and the kids are in daycare everyday that is a waste of money. It's bad enough he's unable to contribute financially but to create more bills on top of it (like daycare costs, the cost of gas for him to run amok while you are at work and when you get off work)

It sounds to me like he is taking advantage of you and you need to have a serious talk with him and put your foot down. You are a family and it's time he checked back in to the family and even though he isn't working currently, there are other ways that he can contribute to take some of the pressure off of you and the fact that he isn't and is completely oblivious to how much you are doing for the family as well as ways he can pitch in and contribute in other ways (cleaning house, cooking, dishes, laundry, give kids baths, take kids to the park to give you some "me" time.)

I think you need to sit down and talk to him and tell him you expect him to do his fair share. The we haven't been together that long is a bunch of bs.... you have been together long enough to create and give birth to a baby, you have been together long enough to live together, you have been together long enough for him to feel comfortable driving your car, you've been together long enough for him to feel comfortable with you paying all the bills. If you haven't been together that long.... well, tell him the rule are going to change because you haven't been together that long.

[lots1056]

You are absolutely right Jaded. I know all these things and yes I was pretty much blinded to them, or just ignored them because I loved him. I have sat and talked with him and we have gotten on the same page with this. He has been home the past two evenings and nights, the house was clean when I got home yesterday with the kids, he watched the 4 month old while I gave the older a bath, he helped with putting baby to bed. Hopefully all this continues because he is my ideal man and father normally, and I love him so much. I know that if it doesnt continue then I cannot deal with it any longer, I have girls to think of, not trying to raise a grown man.

He has been the most amazing man in the past, everything about him is what I had dreamed for in a mate. But recently we have just lost sight with all the stress, him and I both, so hopefully this breakdown of mine is what we needed. He told me that the reason he shut down this time was because I had basically pulled away from him when he tried to hug me while I was angry with him. He was very hurt by this, but I was angry, didn't want to be touched. He is a very sensitive man, and I forget that sometimes.