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Met great guy, wrong time, going through divorce,says he's not ready.(long post)

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  • Met great guy, wrong time, going through divorce,says he's not ready.(long post)

    I was introduced to a man a few months ago who I really liked. We dated, I was always a good listener about what he was going through. I have been through a divorce and a break up with my son's father so I knew in my heart, this wasn't good timing. I even pulled away and said the last thing he needed was a single mom wanting his attention and affection when he was dealing with divorce issues, finding a new home, dealing with his business etc. He would be in contact often with me when things were good then when things were bad with the divorce, he'd pull away, which is normal I totally understand that. Then we talked and he said he still wanted to date me. He really liked me, enjoyed being with me....let's just take it slow...
    That lasted about another month and then I just couldn't do it. I said in an email that I wasn't happy with how things were going. I didn't have a revolving door on my heart and I knew he wasn't ready to offer me more. I told him that I really really liked him but felt that this wasn't really dating. It was so hard to walk away because after so many years of having my guard up, I felt it naturally fall away and felt completely vulnerable around him because he has a lot of qualities that I am looking for.
    We ended up seeing each other again, having dinner then later intimate with each other. I ended up being upset later because felt we shouldn't have done what we did....I said it was hard to keep my guard up around him.
    He called the next morning to apologize for hurting me and he assured me that he did like me, if he didn't he wouldn't have called....I suggested that maybe he not contact me until he was ready for what he knew I was ready for. He said ok.....we were both sad as we hung up the phone.
    I did talk to him again a few days later and said I just wish we could have met at a better time, when he was ready for what I was ready for. And he said he was almost there.......the divorce was proceeding, he was buying a house, things were starting to settle down.
    I decided to limit my calls and text with him. I even went on a few dates with other men...and he went on some dates with other women too......
    Then I saw him at a mutual sporting event our boys were involved in and we looked at each other often and talked.......my feelings were still right there and I was so excited to see him......We started texting and talking more, and then this past weekend I went over to see his new house.
    This was followed by dinner and conversation.....then to watch a movie at the friend's house he was staying at. I was thinking I was leaving after the movie then he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him and we had the longest hug ever, then kissed and well, other things happened......later as I was at the door ready to leave, he wanted me to stay over and of course I caved and did stay.

    Now all I can think about is how disappointed I am in myself for letting all of this happen. It was great when it was happening but I know things shouldn't have gotten so carried away.
    I know I can exercise stronger will power now because of how I have been feeling after this situation. Should I be his friend? Should I completely let it go? I haven't been attracted to someone like this in years.....it's like butterflies all the time and I can't eat.
    My head is saying one thing and my heart is saying another......Help!
    Thanks for reading my long post!
    J.

  • For some reason, I deleted some of my post before I published it. After I sent him the email stating I didn't have a revolving door on my heart, he called and left a message. He was very sincere, said he really liked me, thinks i'm great etc, said he just didn't want a girlfriend right now and he knew that's what I wanted and he just wasn't ready for that. He still gets sad about his break up, and knew himself when it came to relationships he puts in 100% and he just wasn't ready. He said he could see us spending every day together, talking all the time and he said it freaked him out. He felt he needed to just do his own thing, wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship and wanted to make sure he was ready to give his all to someone and that he was just starting to feel better and get past things. He was scared right now and didn't want to get his heart broken again.

    Comment


    • The heart wants what the heart wants. You have the butterflies of falling in love. Most rebound relationships are problematic, but not all. Take it slow and see where it leads.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • I see this in two ways.

        Our intuition immediately sends us an alert, baggage, bad timing, we know and so, we should not get involved, because if we do ultimately we get hurt.

        And, if we chose to ignore the intuition, then we have to view it in a different way, that someone, we care for, that we laugh with, enjoy, and have good chemistry with, is in our lives for the now...there is no point pushing, asking, probing for more it is not a posibility.

        Why therefore can you not go with the now, both enjoy each others company without expectations... Without pressure.

        There is nothing wrong with bringing someone into your life that is there for the now, we as women are emotional creatures we always turn lust into love, we have too much love to give that's our downfall being a woman, we will always love and therefore, always feel hurt when it ends..

        Or, we take it for what it's worth and when it ends, we develop a friendship from the bond we shared, in the knowing, that this was not to be...And move on in that knowing..

        It's how you face it with your mind, instead of with your heart.

        Who knows what tomorrow brings.
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • met a great guy, wrog time,

          So what happened? I know this is old, but it sounds Exactly like what I am going through. There are minor differences. He originally asked me out right when he was separated. I found this out when I went on a second date with him. I decided to stop going out with him. He just looked me back up (one year later). His divorce was finalized a month and a half ago. We started talking and went out four times. We got intimate (not sex) the last two times, but I wouldn't have sex (even though he wanted to). He told me at that very moment that I said no for the second time that he doesn't want to hurt me. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He said he really liked me (and had been saying this all along) and that he feels really comfortable around me. He said he wishes he could "keep me around" until he was ready. He is buying a house and doing other similar things and wants to be availbe for me 100%. Just about everything you said was just what he said! He said he wanted to keep doing things with me. I am not sure it is a good idea! We have hung out since then and he kissed me and was very nice, etc. We always have a good time. That was on a sunday of a weekend he did not have his kids. Saturday he went out with a guy friend. It sort of upset me as we had gone out a few times and it just feels like he would want to do more with me. He has sent me so many mixed signals. UGH! but I am now realizing it is really going to hurt me if I keep randomly going out with while he goes out and has fun with friends and other women! What is that all about? He obviously doesn't like me enough.
          Last edited by staceym; 07-11-2012, 09:42 PM. Reason: forgot to put dates in

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