[hippiegirl]

So I have been pretty insecure for most of my life. Something that changed was once I started college my insecurities turned into me not being confident simply because I wanted to be white and blonde. I have noticed though when I am single I am more confident in myself but once I start dating ( I usually date white guys) I get very insecure. My current boyfriend who is white absolutely adores me and tells me how gorgeous and perfect I am non stop everyday...but if a cute blonde girl walks by I automatically assume he looks at her wishing I would be like that...its really a struggle and I just don't want think like this anymore. Feeling insecure isn't fun and I don't want to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend because I have my own personal issues. By the way I am a petite persian girl.
Someone please..I need some good advice

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I had a fixation for Greeks, or Europeans in the dating game for quite some time, did I ever wish I was Greek? No although I learnt some of the language, food, culture naturally....

It could be that you prefer the way that you feel "white" people live, as a culture and therefore wish you were white, blonde?

But, if it's more to do with your thoughts of the way you look, ask yourself why your boyfriend adores you... Blondes, white, are no better or worse inside as a person than a darker skinned and darker haired person...

You have to see yourself for who you are and embrase it, it's what is inside that shines through on the outside.

[baja]

Sounds like your boyfriend knows you're very insecure about other women otherwise he wouldn't be complimenting you in such an over-the-top manner. I'm sure you know that unless this cycle is broken, it will wear you both out and not bode well for the relationship. So first, I would suggest you go up to a mirror, take a deep breath, look at yourself and consider that beauty is not only what you see in the reflection... then exhale. Second, next time you are about to kiss him, look at the person reflected in his eyes. Once you get a glimpse of the beauty he sees, then I think you'll begin to fell more comfortable and consistently believe it yourself! In the end, he's with you, not someone else and with guys, action speak louder than words.

[rcoreyus]

Fortunately different men are attracted to different women, and many men are attracted to many different types of women. For me there is no "ideal", there are many different forms of beauty. If your boyfriend thinks you are attractive then believe him - it is true!

Also, self confidence will make any woman look more beautiful.

[Mes T]

One of my friends says he prefers caucasian brunettes but in the two serious relationships he's been in have been with an asian girl and a red-head. Go figure!

Your boyfriend is with you probably because he thinks you're the perfect gal for him, just the way you are. I think women are a lot harder on themselves than guys are. A woman might sulk all day because of the zit on her nose, but her boyfriend likely won't even notice.

People are a lot more interested in different colors and types of looks than they used to be. I used to wish I was a blonde when I was a teenager, but one day I looked in the mirror and something "clicked" in my mind... and I never looked back.

[jns]

Persian girls are pretty, but then I like dark hair and a "tan" on a girl. I'm sure your bf thinks the same way, especially after being with you.

[Hopeless Dork]

Don't sell yourself short. Make a mental list of all the things you bring to the table in a relationship; say "i'm sweet, smart, funny, sexy, loyal" etc.. and realize how LUCKY anyone dating you really is Never feel like a man is 'settling' for you, instead, feel like he 'chose' you, out of all the other girls... that you are the one he wanted to date. No one is paying him to be with you, he has free will if he wanted a lil blonde gf he'd have one -- he wants you. Don't make him feel like he's doing you any favors by being with you!! Make him feel like he hit the lottery when you said yes to dating him

[kygirl]

I agree with HD. I think as women, we all have our insecurities. I at times wonder if my boyfriend wishes he were dating a skinnier girl. But that is *my* insecurity, not anything he's said. Maybe you are putting your insecurities on him. We all have things we wish we could change about ourselves. It's how life is, but like HD said, no one is paying him to be with you. He's with you because he wants to be, and you may not be a white/blonde girl, but how boring would it be if everyone were? Hold your head up and be proud of who you are!