[Coffeeplease]

I have been dating this guy for a little over 4 months. I am 22 and he is 7 years old than me. I met on an online dating site and really hit it off from our very first date. Everything has been super great, but has moved really fast. He is a super nice guy and we always have fun together, but emotionally I feel like he is holding back.

I was the one who ended up bring exclusivity in our relationship, but he completely agreed with me. Well now two months later I feel like we should be able to talk about our feeling together, and he avoids it. Lately, I have started to notice when I bring up making plans for doing things in the future like New Years, Christmas, or even going somewhere he freezes up and get flustered so I have to change the subject, because it get soo awkward.

I am just very confused on how he is feeling towards me. I would think at almost 30 he wouldn't waste his time with me if he didn't have strong feelings for me. How do I bring this up to him? I need to have a conversation with him, but I just worried about bring this up. Let me know what you think!

[Guest]

Be brief, be blunt, be concise and make sure the "dots" are very close together so he "sees" the line.

We men are not mind readers, into long conversations about all things personal (like you might have with a close girlfriend) and need to dots put very close together in order to see a line.

If your guy doesn't "get it" then I might consider taking a real good look at your relationship.

Yeah, at nearly thirty years of age, he should know or have a pretty good idea what he wants in a relationship.

[Agony_Aunt]

I completely second Seeker's post to you.

You did say, things are great but moved super fast, maybe he's holding back on that a little bit. Have a talk with him , tell him how you're feeling, and most importantly, ask him how he's feeling. Maybe he's feeling a little rushed.

[DreamP346]

Each person is different. Just because he's 30, doesn't mean he is ready for a long term committement. I was a committment phobe before I met my husband. Talking about emotions at 4 months would have freaked me out. I was with my husband for 1 year before I knew this may be a life long relationship. And for me that was moving really fast.

I would say be honest and communicate. State where you stand with the relationship, let him know that you are not trying to push him into a corner or asking him to be in the same place emotionally, but just that you want to know where he stands. Ask specifically if making plans for New Years freaks him out. Let him know that if it does, you won't push it. Don't assume things. Maybe talking about New Years freaks him out because he doesn't know what to do and has nothing to do with committment. He may also be the type that is not an initiator when it comes to relationships (I know I'm like that). My husband was the one who talked emotions and I love yous first and I followed. After years together, that has changed, but at the beginning it was difficult. To me, 4 months seems so early in the relationship.

[orchiddreams]

At 30 I think most people have, at the very least, an idea of what they want out of a relationship. Perhaps there are things he's still working out being that it has only been 4 months into the relationship. Holidays are a very sensitive subject, especially if it's a time he typically spends with family. Maybe it takes the relationship to a level that he's not ready for. Again it's only been 4 months, that doesn't mean things won't change. He enjoys his time with you now- enjoy that part for what it is. I don't think anything is missing in that.

He may take awhile to open up about his feelings and that is okay. Progress doesn't happen overnight it's progressive and bond building activities will give him signals that there is a stability there and he will be more willing to share his emotions. Remember no one wants to waste their time on a dead end relationship- it just takes a little time to figure out if that's what it may be.

[Hopeless Dork]

You sound a like a marriage minded person, and well... nothing wrong with that. But you have to understand that isn't the focus for everyone... even people that want to be with one person at a time and in one on one relationships. Your statement of well he's 30, why's he wasting time... ack that varies so much for everyone. There isn't a certain age standard a man hits where they want to wife up and have kids... it varies person to person. Sometimes people want the relationship, the wedding, the marriage... so much that they don't even know if the person is right - they just want all of those things and are ready to make them out of any relationship they enter, whether its well suited or not.

4 months in, you should be having fun (in my opinion)... getting to know each other... you never really know someone as well as you think you do for at least a year and sometimes not even then. If I were you I wouldnt read to much into how serious he is until you guys have gotten to really know each other , see if you fit in the long term sence, and most importantly if you both share the same vision of how you want your future to play out.

My advice would be relax, enjoy, try not to read too much into everything and just have fun, get to know him more and let him show you who he is and what he wants before you push for something that you might not even really be sure you want. He signed on for exclusivity so you can trust he is into you, let the rest of the chips fall where they may for a while.