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why do guys like 'bad girls' ?

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  • why do guys like 'bad girls' ?

    I have known my best friend since I was about 3 years old, we grew up together and have always been close. We're both 19 now and two extremely different girls. We grew up with different kinds of families, rules, lifestyles, etc. Which, I guess, is why we're so different now. I love her too death but she is super self destructive. She is one of the most beautiful girls I know inside and out and I'm not sure why she chooses to treat herself this way. She parties, drinks, does drugs, somewhat sleeps around, is insecure, self harms, all of this stuff. She doesn't care what anyone thinks of her and does whatever she feels like. I'm, on the other hand, more quiet and shy, I like to have a good time but I don't party as hard as she does. What I'm about to say may sound like me coming off as jealous but I really don't consider myself jealous just curious. She gets a lot of guys and not just guys who she'll sleep with and then they never want anything to do with her again, guys who like worship her. She has guys who she's hooked up with and ones she hasn't hit her up constantly wanting to hang out or go out on dates. As long as we've been friends there's only been 2 guys she's ever really liked and most of these guys are just games to her and they all go for it. Now nothing like this ever happens for me. I would say I'm a pretty girl, I'm nice, simple, pretty confident. I do sometimes have guys interested in me but nothing like she does. And I've noticed that a lot of guys go for this type of girl just like girls go for the 'bad boy' most of the time.

    So I guess the question is, why do guys like this? Just opinions because I can't seem to figure out what is so attractive about a girl who's so self destructive and broken?

  • I don't think it's really that she is a 'bad girl' but more than she comes off that she is super confident. Guys like confidence, and her non-caring attitude might be portrayed as confidence at first, but when they truely get to know her, they will find out the things that you know. But you even mentioned that she is one of the most beautiful girls you know, inside and out, and guys can see that, too.

    There's all types of guys out there...some who just want to have sex, some who really want a relationship, and some who don't really know what they want. I also feel it is a primal thing. If they see 5 males who are lusting over a female they are going to say "hey, she obviously has something awesome about her. I want to find out too." If that makes any sense.

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    • Guys like bad girls because they always seem to be doing something exciting or pushing the envelope. The projection of confidence is part of it. Sometimes the confidence is a facade. The possibility of wild sex is also part of it.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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      • To give you a biochemical reason, being in novel and dangerous situations raises your dopamine levels. This is a hormone that make you feel good and usually fall in love. Its the same idea of going on a vacation to an exotic location with your spouse of many years and feeling like you are falling in love all over again.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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        • Ive been in this boat before. The whole "bad girl" thing will get old. Im not sure what her family life is like, but she is probably looking for acceptance and "love", without even knowing shes doing it.
          She comes off as confident, but really...she isnt. The alcohol and drugs are a band aid, and self mutilation helps you "FEEL" Something, even if it is just for a moment. Sounds like your friend needs you. Invite her over for a sleep over. No parties, just a nice night in watching movies.
          The children almost broken by the world become the adults most likely to change it
          -PostSecret

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          • I think you have some exceptional answers above.

            She is not grounded and is still finding herself. She doesn't give a shirt about guys, as stated, she doesn't feel loved, didn't feel loved as a child. The partying, self harm, again as stated is a band aid, a way not to face reality, a fix to feel ahh... calmness.. And, she no doubt would be pushing all those guys away, with or without sex involved, the temptation to win on their behalf brings them back for me.

            Eventually, guys grow out of that zone, the truly want to find someone who they can call theirs but for the most part, young guys love a party, and adventure, until they are ready to settle down more.. That makes it hard for someone like you, but not all guys are like that. Some have no interest in all of games... And, more than likely they are the guys you need, want anyway because those that love adventure and partying, tend to also, cheat..

            Your friend if she self harms needs to see someone, needs to get rid of the sadness from her past... Is there a way you can convince here without losing her friendship or her fearing you are interefering?

            It's only when you feel you can stand tall and you actually are someone, that you don't feel you need to do all of this but often there has to be strength behind you as well as your own strength and will power..
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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            • Male here...

              It's largely an age-maturity-thing.

              Her biggest problem in not getting herself together is that she is going to overwhelmingly attract all the wrong kind of men. And in droves.

              I personally can spot this type of woman a mile away, and would never, no matter how attractive she is, get near her. I do not want the complications of her life in mine, the stresses, and last but certainly not least, the likelihood that she may give me an STD based on her conduct and behavior. The latter is often all the motivation I need to steer clear.

              I'm telling you this for certain because...I've been there. Was attracted to almost exactly that type in high school, and paid for it, the way many men do, from an emotional standpoint.

              SOOO many other worthwhile women to be attracted to! I grew out of it!

              The "doesn't care what anyone thinks of her" can come across to men in a couple ways (I'd have to know her to assess it for certain): as either so loose that anyone can get her, attracting the worst of the worst guys, OR just a very "fun type," who is easy to be around, great looking yet not intimidating, which is a great quality if it's genuine, and if she can get off the partying.

              If it's the latter, the "doesn't care what anyone thinks" mentality is almost male-like...KINDA...so men will feel a level of comfort around here that will be very appealing.

              Think Jenny McCarthy: is so funny, beautiful, and doesn't give a hoot (Funny...the forum blocked me using the c**ap word, lol) what anyone thinks of her. I would LOVE to date her! She's so FUN and comfortable to be around!

              Both of these types will draw men like crazy, which may explain the interest you're seeing.

              Just a male perspective based on what was described.
              Last edited by Tim; 02-04-2012, 01:53 PM.

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              • I'm a guy. I'm 33, I'm just finishing up in law school, and I feel pretty confident about my future. Not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I feel pretty good about myself these days. I can tell you that from your description, I would rather date a girl like you than a girl like her. I was, at one time, much more of a party animal. Those days are pretty much behind me. I think the early adult years (18 - 26.. ish) are years when some people are learning to be adults. The reason party animal guys like girls like her is that their hormones are raging and they are turned on by her good looks and the prospect of an easy girl. However, there are guys out there who are young, and confident, and have a good head on their shoulders who are much more attracted to girls like you. I think one of the biggest problems was (and still is) that it is difficult to meet emotionally healthy people because emotionally healthy people don't act crazy and draw attention to themselves at bars and parties. One thing I know now that I wish I would have known when I was much younger is that the best way to meet people is to get involved in a lot of healthy and productive activities, and clubs, and organizations. The people you meet that way have a lot of good things going for them. First, they are obviously interested in something you are interested in. Second, you have something you can do together that doesn't involve alcohol, drugs, or STDs. I think you will find that a girl like you (the better of the two in my opinion) will attract much higher quality partners, while girls like her will attract a large quantity of really bad guys. I hope that helps. Good luck. =)

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                • The first thing that comes ot my mind is that she is waayy "easier" than you are. Guys who are looking to hit it and quit it will always take her over a girl like you. Trust me, I have buddies who go for girls they might not even be attracted to because they're available or because the one they were going for didn't work out that night. Heck, my cousin almost never has sex with the girl he actually went out with that night. You don't really want that. You should be proud to be the way you are.

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                  • I feel because for some guys it makes it easier on them that there is no commitment , resposibility, no chance of worrying about being tied down and just being able to get a quick piece of ****** whenever they want it she probably provides it. Some women that do that are also self destructive from a past experience they may be wanting to cover up. Talk to her one on one no phones around. Unfortunaelty the would of all this high tech and the lack of staying anongamis has created a lack of real relationships. Divorce or separated was at one time a VERY awful and shameful thing to say and do.. Nowdays its thrown around as it something that should just happen.. If your a confident and dont care for that game dont play it. Wait for the right guy.. Hes there.. You just need to be patient. Good luck!

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