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Beyond confused!

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  • Beyond confused!

    I'm in serious need of good advice! Sorry in advance cause this might be a little long...

    About 3 years ago I started my first relationship. I was young, 15 going on 16, I met him in school and I fell for him so hard. We started dating a month before summer break and it lasted until school went back. So about 5-6 months. He was pretty much my first everything, like I thought I loved him, all that stuff. It was a mutual break up, sort of, it ended because we just stopped hanging out with each other. I still saw him out quite a bit, nothing would ever happen and it was never awkward. I eventually just stopped running into him. I started a new relationship and that's when I finally completely stopped thinking about him. About a year later I broke up with my boyfriend and started hanging out with my old best friend around new years, her boyfriend is in my exs group of friends so I knew I'd see him out. I was kind of excited. We went to a new years party and there he was. We both had a little too much to drink but we hung out the entire night, he was even my midnight kiss. By the end of the night he was introducing me to his friends as 'his girl'. I took everything with a grain of salt just because we had been drinking. I didn't hear from him for about 4 days but once I did we started talking non stop and hanging out quite a bit. The only problem was it was more of a hanging out, partying, hooking up kind of thing. I was okay with it and I wasn't even really getting too attached to him or catching feelings. But then he told me he really liked me, has always cared about me, has always missed me, and thinks he might even love me. I was shocked because he was never open like this before, in fact he was so closed off I could never even get him to say he liked me. Once I heard this, I started to feel so good around him, almost like I could feel how he felt about me. I started to think like hey I could get use to this, a guy hasn't made me feel this good in awhile and I think I do care about him a lot too.

    Then last week he stopped texting me, and we didn't hang out anytime through the week and then I didn't hear from him on Friday. So Saturday night I texted him around 8:30 and asked him what he was doing tonight... no answer. I got a little bit tipsy and thought it be a good idea to call him, no answer, I called him again and he answered. I told him about a party and his response was 'I know about it already, I'm coming, cya there' then hung up. I saw him when we got there and we didn't really talk at all until his friend came up to me telling me he got way too drunk and was asking for me and all of this stuff. So I went and took care of him and he was being cute with me again. I asked him why he was being a douche bag earlier and I guess because he was drunk he took it the wrong way and ended up getting ****ed at me and leaving. Sunday night I went out with my best friend to a super bowl party and ended up drinking too much and drunk calling/texting him. You know like, asking him what had changed and how he could go from telling me he loves me to ignoring me for no reason. He didn't really say much except that I was ****ing him off because he had work at 7 and that I was acting crazy so I left him alone. I texted him Monday telling him I was so sorry for doing that and I was embarrassed he replied saying 'it's cool just don't call me when you're drunk' and I said back 'I know I'm sorry I really am embarrassed I'm just so confused by you and when I drank I got the courage to ask.' He didn't reply and we haven't talked since.

    I've been talking to my best friend about it and she can see how hurt I am. She's even said she has no clue what happened, she said she could see how much he liked me and how he acted towards me. I'm not sure if that's just what best friends are suppose to say. I'm just looking for some sort of honest answer so if anyone has a clue.. I'd love to hear the truth or just a real opinion. Thanks /:

  • I think it's because he regrets saying it. Are you sure he was sober when he said he cared about you? It seems like it's only when he is drunk he wants to be with you.


    • ^^ Ouch

      I tend to always give guys the benefit of the doubt, this might make me naive but I would like to hope they're all not heartless. You said that when you dated him the first time he was closed off and you also said you can feel that he cares about you. I wanna say 99% of the time a girl can tell if a guy is using her, she can be in denial about it but deep down she knows. If you really do think he likes you chances are he does because, I think, it's just something you can sense. I'd like to think he does care like he says and that might have scared him a bit because, like you said, he's closed off. But then again this might be what makes me naive.

      The best advice I can give is; wait. Not for too long though.

      If he's thinking about you he'll get in touch with you and if he's getting in touch with you he's into you. But if he calls you late Friday night all drunk don't tolerate it. And if you don't hear from him, by the latest, on Monday his silence is your answer and just let it go because his head games aren't worth your time.


      • Sounds like you two have a " Drinking " Relationship. You get together and communicate only when Drunk or Partying.

        Have you attempted a Sober Communication ? Maybe ask him to meet and talk in the daytime at say a Cafe or the Park or do something that doesn't involve drinking.

        Seriously, if he only wants to be with or see you when he's in a Party Mood and only on his terms, I'd not let the relationship/friendship develop into anything other then a casual acquaintance.

        Try and find some friends that aren't into getting drunk all the time.I'm sure you'll meet a nice guy who will be into you when he's sober. And wouldn't it be much better for you to get into a guy when you are sober ?

        It's ok to party occasionally if you are of legal age, but it's not a good relationship builder to be drunk at every meeting or gathering or date. You said you didn't have the courage to ask him a question about how he treats you, until you were Drunk.

        How does that make you feel ? It also seems he doesn't contact you much unless he is drinking or drunk. How does that make you feel ?

        Do you want to be a " Drunk Date " ... The kind of girl guys only go for when Intoxicated , them and you ? Or would you rather find someone who doesn't need alcohol to be with you and learn about you and have fun with you ?

        I'm sure you are a beautiful young lady with lots of qualities and deserving to be cared about and have a relationship with a guy that cares for you for you and who you are.
        That kind of caring doesn't come from a Bottle.


        • I would have to agree with Avatar Nirvana. It sounds like the only time he said he cared about you is when he was intoxicated. Perhaps he regrets saying it or maybe jumped the gun and feels rushed. If I were you, I would stop texting him and let him contact you. If he wants to see you then he can call/text you, but I would make sure you only see him (at least the first time) when neither of you are drunk. Grab lunch or go out for dinner. A real date. You do think you deserve a real date don't you? If a guy really likes you, he'd want to treat you to that and get to know you better, than just when you're both drinking too much.


          • I think he sounds like the scum of the Earth. I had a boyfriend like that once. Would only hang out with me if he was drunk or high or something. Well first, it's not healthy to drink as often as it sounds like you're drinking. I used to have that bad habit, and it's REALLY bad for you. You might want to consider cutting down. Second, you need to get over him. With the boyfriend I was talking about, we were on and off for about a year and a half. Then I realized! I DESERVE BETTER!!! And so do you. You deserve better than some half-assed relationship! Move on hun. It's for the best. I understand how you feel. EXACTLY how you feel. But it just wont work.


            • I'm wondering what the OP things of the member's replies or if there are any other opinions to add..

              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


              • I agree he's playing head games. You deserve better, dump his butt.



                • He does not sound serious.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


                  • A guy who really cares about you will take you out to movies, and dinner, and ice cream, etc. He would be trying to build a positive relationship with you. Sounds like he's still in the phase of a young man's life when he can't see past whatever adrenalin rush that is in front of him at the moment. You should ignore him. Then go get involved with a group, or club, or organization of people that are interested in something you like to do. You'll find a more stable guy by doing that. Chances are, if you ignore this guy, he'll be calling you on nights when he's drunk and horny. He'll tell you he loves you just to get laid.



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