Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

HELP: Girl I'm Seeing has gone cold on me (need woman's advice)

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • HELP: Girl I'm Seeing has gone cold on me (need woman's advice)

    Hi,

    I occasionally post here to hear a woman's perspective on things and usually find it very helpful. Here's my situation:

    I have been seeing this girl about 2-3 times per wk over the last month or so and we text pretty much daily, even if it's just a simple one or two texts back and forth.

    Saturday night, before we had sex (as we have many times before) she dropped the comment "all you care about is sex." I kinda laughed it off and went for it because it was HER idea to jump in bed and have sex...HERS!!! Afterwards she said "do you think we have good sex? I want you to have a good time in bed with me." I reassured her it was good because she seemed vulnerable and didn't seem like a time for a sarcastic remark, even though the sex actually is fine. She left Sunday and all seemed good. She kissed me goodbye and said she would talk to me later.

    Monday we texted a bit. Tuesday I got done with work and texted "I'm hungry let's get dinner." She responded "I'm at the movies with [her roommate]." I didn't respond but on Wednesday, I texted her saying "I'm gonna be in your neck of the woods this evening, are you free?" She didn't respond and hasn't texted anything since then.

    So here is my question(s):

    1. Do I make it known that I don't appreciate her not responding or do I just ignore it and hit her up again? My gut tells me that if I call her out for not responding, it will come off as insecure and might push her away.

    2. Can I re-open with another invitation to hang out, even though she basically turned me down two times in a row? Should I take the attitude that the "ball is in her court" and not contact her at all until she reaches out to me? I know this seems silly but trivial things like this matter, especially early on in a relationship.

    I always over-analyze things and I am admittedly not good when it comes to the nuances of a budding relationship and I really want to get these kinds of situations handled. Any advice is appreciated.



  • Are you only " seeing " her ,as opposed to Dating her ? Or are you seeing other women besides her ?

    She seems to be giving you Direct Hints !!

    Without actually saying it. Are you in an Exclusive Relationship with Me, are we a Couple, are we Dating or BF & GF or SO ?


    Sounds like she wants more than just "The Romp in the Hay"... Sounds like she wants Definition and some Assurance that your relationship is more than just Sex & a Dinner. Some Form of Commitment is in Order here...

    If you don't want to Commit then it's best she step away and not just be a ********K Buddy or FWBeni's.

    Also, be warned, it may just be a Ploy to get you to think about your relationship with her and take the next step to Exclusive Dating . You might want to think about that anyway. Is she someone you can be with, not talking Marriage, but at least think of her a Potential Mate Material ?

    She may just be letting you know, that she can play the Field and be available to other men, if you aren't willing to " Stake a Claim "..

    I would give it a couple days, Then send a simple Text like
    " I Miss You " " Can we meet for Dinner/ Dance/ Movie ( name night or day and time). Make it a few days out , tell her it's not an " over nighter " Just a get together while you are in her " neck of the woods ".

    If she says she is Busy, then that gives you the Clue that you might just be her " Booty Call ". That is when , you take that Hint.. And find someone you might be more compatible with in an all around relationship.

    You don't give your ages, but that may be relevant here .



    Comment


    • I would ask the same question as BG... Are you dating exclusively? Have you had the relationship talk? It does sound like that she is either insecure in the relationship that she has with you or wondering what the relationship is? So, maybe she is taking a step back to think about it or wondering what your next action will be...

      I would give it another day then offer up another invitation. Dinner, movie, etc. Hey, let's go out type of thing, steer away from the bedroom, unless it is agreed that you two are just each others "booty calls". After the third one, the ball would definitely be in the other person's court, IMO. If you keep contacting her, then I think it becomes either desperate or annoying, lol.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by LanaBear View Post
        I would ask the same question as BG... Are you dating exclusively? Have you had the relationship talk? It does sound like that she is either insecure in the relationship that she has with you or wondering what the relationship is? So, maybe she is taking a step back to think about it or wondering what your next action will be...

        I would give it another day then offer up another invitation. Dinner, movie, etc. Hey, let's go out type of thing, steer away from the bedroom, unless it is agreed that you two are just each others "booty calls". After the third one, the ball would definitely be in the other person's court, IMO. If you keep contacting her, then I think it becomes either desperate or annoying, lol.
        I am 27 she is 23. I usually invite her to dinner/movie/game whatever, then we end up staying at my house. It's not just "come over let's have sex" but it has just ended that way nearly every time. How do I make it seem like I want more from her (which I do) and willing to commit to her?

        No, I am not seeing other women. just her.

        Comment


        • Why don't you call her instead of text her. Sometimes it's nicer to hear someone's voice. If she doesn't answer leave her a message that says something like "Hey [insert name], I was just wondering what you are doing this Saturday, if you were available for a date night. Give me a call or text back and let me know what your weekend schedule looks like. Thinking about you a lot and hope to hear back from you soon!" That way she knows it's not just to hang out and then have sex at the end of the night. It will show her that she is important to you and you want to take her on a date in a romantic way rather than a "lets hang out and get to know each other" way. If that makes sense. I know when my fiance and I first started dating he would say things like "I miss you" or "I love spending time with you" or "I've been thinking about you"... just made me feel good. Let me know that he was more serious about me.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by lizzardb63 View Post
            Why don't you call her instead of text her. Sometimes it's nicer to hear someone's voice. If she doesn't answer leave her a message that says something like "Hey [insert name], I was just wondering what you are doing this Saturday, if you were available for a date night. Give me a call or text back and let me know what your weekend schedule looks like. Thinking about you a lot and hope to hear back from you soon!" That way she knows it's not just to hang out and then have sex at the end of the night. It will show her that she is important to you and you want to take her on a date in a romantic way rather than a "lets hang out and get to know each other" way. If that makes sense. I know when my fiance and I first started dating he would say things like "I miss you" or "I love spending time with you" or "I've been thinking about you"... just made me feel good. Let me know that he was more serious about me.
            Thanks for this advice. I was thinking a phone call was in order but you know younger women these days - everything is texting texting and more texting. Sometimes I let that get in the way of actually picking up the phone. Anyway, This morning I sent her this: "Wanna get together tonight? I miss you" but I haven't gotten a response and that was almost 3 hrs ago. I'm thinking I will give her a call this afternoon and if she doesn't get back to me I will leave it be and hope she contacts me later.

            It sucks having to go through this and wonder "Is she mad/upset/having 2nd thoughts or is she just really busy and not responding?" There is a big difference and you run the risk of creating a problem that was never there in the first place. Why do women have to do this ********?!?!

            Comment


            • ******UPDATE******

              I texted her this morning: "wanna get together tonight? I miss you"
              her reply, 3 hrs later: "Hey I'm sorry I haven't been answering...I'm just going through some ******** right now"
              my reply: "Oh no, sorry to hear it. You ok?"

              that was about 7 hrs ago and no reply from her. I'm thinking if I call her at this point, it will just be nagging and she will get annoyed. So, my gut tells me to just leave her alone completely, as in no contact at all, until she texts/calls me. Do you think this is the right play here? I don't want to seem nosy/pushy/needy but I want her to know she can talk to me if she wants.

              Comment


              • If she's going through some stuff ... let her go through it. She'll do her thing and get back to you, or not. It's hard to just let it go and let her contact you (been there, done that!) but it's really the best thing.
                But don't sit on your hands in the meantime. I'm guessing that, while she's the only girl you're seeing, you're not "exclusive?" Go out, get drinks (if that's what you do) and socialize with other people. For all you know, the "stuff" is an ex-boyfriend she's thinking about getting back with. I'm not saying go get yourself a new FWB, just don't let yourself be lonely in the meantime.
                <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

                Comment


                • I would send her a text saying "I'm here if you want to talk about it" or send her some flowers saying " hope things are better". She will really like that. It shows her you are giving her space but also being available
                  Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Little View Post
                    If she's going through some stuff ... let her go through it. She'll do her thing and get back to you, or not. It's hard to just let it go and let her contact you (been there, done that!) but it's really the best thing.
                    But don't sit on your hands in the meantime. I'm guessing that, while she's the only girl you're seeing, you're not "exclusive?" Go out, get drinks (if that's what you do) and socialize with other people. For all you know, the "stuff" is an ex-boyfriend she's thinking about getting back with. I'm not saying go get yourself a new FWB, just don't let yourself be lonely in the meantime.
                    This is what im gonna do. Thanks.

                    It is worth noting that earlier this wk she texted me, clearly upset about some guy she works with being inappropriate with her at work (hitting on her) and she told me she was going to go to her HR dept. about it. That was Sunday, i believe. Then, yesterday, she took down her facebook profile. Its all very suspicious.

                    Finally, last night when i was out with friends she texted me back saying she was ok but couldnt talk. I said "ok I'll leave you alone but i'm glad youre ok" and i left it at that.

                    I do feel like there is an ex bf involved somehow but i guess i will never find out unless she reaches out to me.

                    Comment


                    • Yeah, I think you just need to leave it be at this point... Sucks because you don't exactly know the what's or why's, but the last thing you want to be is annoying. Leave it at that and hope that she contacts you.

                      Comment




                      • Sometimes,
                        Things are not to be Contacted about.
                        Her S****T may be a Protection for herself and You also.
                        If an HR problem is involved, especially about a Co worker or any Internal Things that may show or have to do with " Sexual Harassment or Behavior ".

                        Her having a New Boyfriend ( you ) in the " Picture " could be her Demise with any Sexual Actions, if accused in the Workplace.

                        She, again may just be Protecting herself, her Job and then will be able to continue with You, if you are willing to stick around.

                        I'd just step away, for a bit, Let her know you are a Friend First.. If you Care in that way. She may well not want the Drama. And then again, you could be Involved in More Drama than you ever Want.






                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by BabyGirl View Post


                          Sometimes,
                          Things are not to be Contacted about.
                          Her S****T may be a Protection for herself and You also.
                          If an HR problem is involved, especially about a Co worker or any Internal Things that may show or have to do with " Sexual Harassment or Behavior ".

                          Her having a New Boyfriend ( you ) in the " Picture " could be her Demise with any Sexual Actions, if accused in the Workplace.

                          She, again may just be Protecting herself, her Job and then will be able to continue with You, if you are willing to stick around.

                          I'd just step away, for a bit, Let her know you are a Friend First.. If you Care in that way. She may well not want the Drama. And then again, you could be Involved in More Drama than you ever Want.







                          OK here is an update for you ladies: I just found out (confirmed my suspicion) that an ex-bf is back in the picture. I did not find out through her but I confirmed through my friend (who dates her roommate) that her ex-bf from college - a guy she dated for 3 yrs - is currently in town for a while and will be moving on to a new city soon. So while it seems temporary, I don't know if I want to wait around for her. If she is ready to get serious and I am available at that time, I will reconsider.

                          We weren't technically exclusive but I think it was headed that way. We never officially discussed it though. I know she has seen him at least once since he returned but I am almost positive she has slept with him. Should I be upset about this? Would I be unreasonable to hold that against her? We weren't exclusive and we aren't in love or anything - and honestly I'm not too upset about it - but do you think it would be fair game to bring up to her the question "did you sleep with him?" and be upset with her if she says "yes?" I'm not sure how I feel about this but I do value your input on the situation. Chances are, since he is moving, she will come back to me but I don't know how I should act. Do I get mad at her for being so secretive and not straightforward or do I let it go and try and move on? I guess it's not fair to ask you how I should feel, Im just asking how you think I should react and seem like Im being reasonable.

                          Comment


                          • I don't know that you want to get serious with a girl that still has feelings (that she is actively hiding) for her ex. Maybe if you really had strong feelings for her, but it seems more that its just convenient...?

                            Comment



                            • Now, that changes things in my Book.. She has an Ex , she dated 3 years, now he's back in town, so you are on Hold, until he leaves, or even she Leaves with him.

                              Don't you deserve better Treatment than to be 2nd choice ? You've only dated a month and evidently she doesn't feel enough for you to..
                              1) Put you above an Ex
                              2) Be Honest and tell you she still has Feelings for the Ex.

                              You seem to be a Great Guy, one who doesn't just react with emotions that aren't thought out. You ask for Advise so you don't come off wrong or a Jerk.

                              Some things to think about.
                              A) When he leaves , will you be Second Best Again ?
                              B) Do you realize if you do Date her, she will be in Rebound and just using you to fill the Void of not having Him.
                              C) Don't you deserve a Relationship with a Woman that is Stable and Over any Ex's and Willing to Build a Relationship with you. ?

                              Me, I wouldn't be angry. I'd feel Lucky that you found out now instead of when you were more Involved with her. Don't text her again, If she does text you, text her back that you understand she is seeing her Ex, you hope she settles her problems with him and wish her the Best..

                              There are lots of women out there looking for a Nice Guy Though with the next Girl, try waiting awhile, a few weeks, before the Sex & Staying over night comes into play. That way you can test the Waters and find out if she has a Guy already, Just playing the field or also has an Ex Lurking in the Background.

                              Comment

                              or

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics On Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X