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do nice girls finish last

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  • do nice girls finish last

    i am 23 years old and i never had a boyfriend and i think its because i am shy and too nice. i always agree to what a guy says and i would cook for a guy and do anything but of course i would never let a guy use me in bed. is it because i am not easy or just too good? what do you think?

  • Well maria, I'm not a guy, but I don't think it has anything to do with you being too good/nice or not allowing men to use you in bed. It's probably because you're not showing guys who you really are. You're focused on getting them to like you by agreeing with everything they say and being quiet, but that's not really what they're looking for in a partner.

    Typically, the good guys want a person in their life who has opinions and is willing to share them. There's nothing wrong with being agreeable and a "go with the flow" type however, having relationship with someone who just does whatever you want all the time is boring. People want an equal, they want someone with whom they can grown and enrich their lives. A "yes man", or "yes woman" in your case, may be ok for a while, but will eventually lose its appeal.. Additionally, being shy can be endearing, but it also can come across as standoffish and unconfident... not to say that you're either of those things, but shyness is easily misinterpreted that way.

    Work on your confidence, work on finding out exactly who you are and what you want. Once you do that, and you're comfortable in your skin, you'll have a lot more luck with finding a good man to call your boyfriend.

    Comment


    • Maria, I don't think nice girls finish last. The shyness is more of an impediment. The good news is that you don't have to stop being a nice girl to get rid of your shyness. Start doing things that get you interacting with people more to get rid of your shyness and become more confident about yourself. The confidence will attract guys, some of which will be willing to wait for you about intimacy. I have heard that volunteering to visit people in retirement homes or communities is a good start. Many times people there are lonely and just want someone to talk to. You will learn how to keep up a conversation and express your opinion. After the ladies there get to know you, they may just try to find a good guy for you.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • There are probably a lot of guys you have talked to who are too shy to ask you out.

        Comment


        • No, I don't think they do, or nice guys; but be aware, a wolf in a field full of sheep will eat well.

          It's good that you like yourself, never compromise your values or integrity and never just 'make do'. Be sure to be yourself, the best version of yourself you can be and compatibility will ensue, life's too short for game playing. Many adventures await you!

          Good luck...
          "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

          Comment


          • Originally posted by KMonte85 View Post
            Well maria, I'm not a guy, but I don't think it has anything to do with you being too good/nice or not allowing men to use you in bed. It's probably because you're not showing guys who you really are. You're focused on getting them to like you by agreeing with everything they say and being quiet, but that's not really what they're looking for in a partner.

            Typically, the good guys want a person in their life who has opinions and is willing to share them. There's nothing wrong with being agreeable and a "go with the flow" type however, having relationship with someone who just does whatever you want all the time is boring. People want an equal, they want someone with whom they can grown and enrich their lives. A "yes man", or "yes woman" in your case, may be ok for a while, but will eventually lose its appeal.. Additionally, being shy can be endearing, but it also can come across as standoffish and unconfident... not to say that you're either of those things, but shyness is easily misinterpreted that way.

            Work on your confidence, work on finding out exactly who you are and what you want. Once you do that, and you're comfortable in your skin, you'll have a lot more luck with finding a good man to call your boyfriend.


            Just felt the need to agree with this 100%. I was going to respond along the same lines. It sounds like you're just trying to make them happy and not being you.
            I enjoy doing "domesticated" things for my fiancee sometimes, but I refuse to be a "50's housewife." I will not dote on him hand and foot. I find it hard to believe many women anymore would TRULY be happy being like that. And that's probably what guys are thinking too. If you're truly happy and that's just how you are...I'm going to venture to say maybe you're not the most confident then...and the guy still takes that as you being a "yes woman."
            Bottom line is though, you'll find someone who likes you for you. And if it takes you "longer than most," maybe it'll be that much better than most

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