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Little bit of advice needed.

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  • Little bit of advice needed.

    Question 1: So recently, I met a guy in my writing class. I wasn't really looking for anyone at the moment, just doing volunteering, freelance writing and trying to get my foot in the door of the publishing world. He's very nice, but I'm a little confused. He's found my twitter and my blog. He's told me how much he admires my writing. He gave me his number and friend requested me on Facebook. Over the course of about a month, we've called, texted back and forth and talked on Facebook chat for hours. Recently we went out for coffee. I'm taking my time and not having super high expectations. Over the course of a couple of days, the calls have stopped, and while he'll chat with me for hours once he's online, I initiate the conversation. I'm starting to think he's losing interest in me and I don't want to push to hard since I want things to happen naturally with someone. But then again, what if he's just really shy? (He's pretty quiet in person)

    Question 2: Back around Christmas time, I worked with a really nice guy. He and I have a natural friendly back and forth with one another. He's always been very sweet to me. My brother told me he "couldn't stop raving about me" and that I was always "amazing at my job". We had a Secret Santa thing at work and he gave me really nice gifts (shirts) He was sad when I was laid off, but we always talk when I go to visit. I'm interested in giving him my number and seeing if he wants to hang out. Is that wrong? Should a guy be the one to give out his number?

  • Hi kitkat! Isn't it great when you meet people you just 'click' with in places you weren't expecting or seeking to? I just love that

    Regarding guy #1, there are a couple of different avenues here, and it is tough to judge. Maybe he just feels like you're better off as casual friends? Maybe he's playing it cool and casual like you are to see what you're looking for?

    I'm also wondering if maybe he's feeling the "not super high expectation" vibes from you. From your description about the coffee date and all the contact beforehand, it seems he was really into you, and you were quite casual about the whole thing. So he may feel like you're just not that into him, you know? I understand not wanting to push for things to happen, but you have to give a little indication of interest, or the guys are going to think you're not and give up.

    Again - all just assumptions here! I'd say, if you're not really into the writing class guy and you couldn't care less, just let the contact continue to fizzle out. If you are still interested in seeing him more, then give him a call and ask him out to do something, see where it goes. If he still doesn't initiate anything after that, then you can probably figure that he's not that interested.

    As for the guy you used to work with, I see no problems in giving him your number and telling him to give you a call some time. Actually, I find that to be pretty darn endearing! It shows you're interested in getting to talk to him more outside of work visits, without being too pushy because you've left the ball in his court.


    • I tend to think when you are in love, you wouldn't be thinking of anyone else, I think you are ready for a relationship and maybe, fear if you get together with the first guy, you'll lose your chance with the other guy and he ways up better for you in your mind.

      That's what I am thinking. Call him.


      • It is very disappontment when someone takes you for granted but let thing happen if he not stayed to you means he really doesn't like you.
        and yes its ok to give your number but dont show to much interest because some people get advantage to that.
        “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

        ― Mae West


        • You have more to lose by not (subtly) taking the lead here. There are TONS of men who are apprehensive of asking girls out, and for EXACTLY the same reason you're apprehensive to ask him out - the one evil that stops fun and relationships before they have a chance to even get off of the ground - fear of rejection.

          You know posh spice deliberately started going to the places where the young David beckham went, took initiative and asked him out don't you? I believe her exact words were 'you gonna take me out then?' how different do you think her life would have been if she hadn't gone out on a limb and done that? How different will yours be if take a chance?

          Good luck!
          "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]


          • So, I subtly took the lead with guy #1 since we went on another date and have been talking on the phone, Facebook and texting for quite awhile. Last week, he opened up on how he felt about me. I was really happy and felt encouraged we might be headed somewhere. The next day, he disappeared again and we didn't didn't talk for five days. Then out of the blue, he reappears again. It's getting frustrating, I'll admit. I'm confused.

            He loves baseball so I suggested we go to a ball game. He had loved the idea and was really excited about it, but now it seems like he's stalling on it, so I haven't mentioned it again.

            Last edited by littlekitkat; 06-30-2012, 06:04 PM.


            • Chose ONE GUY and then go with him. Don't have two options lined up and go with whomever asks for your hand first.


              • Oh no worries! I have. I guess I shouldn't describe him as "guy #1". Did that so it wouldn't sound confusing I guess? I haven't talked to the other guy in awhile.


                • I should add that I didn't even give him my number. We chickened out on that and decided we'd be better off as friends.

                  Man, I reread these posts and realized how awful I sound. I hope I cleared things up!


                  • Don't be silly! We all lose our objectivity when we like someone!

                    Also, to assist with your writing, you MUST read the 'war of art' and 'turning pro' by Steven Pressfield.

                    Good luck, love the username by the way :-)
                    "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]



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