I think the problem may have been in your approach. Even if me and my bf were having rocky times.. if he came to me and said 'look... i'm gonna give us 6 months to see if this is suiting me or not'. I'd probably not want to even stick around to wait for the judgement. To put a dealine.. its not a job, its a relationship, built on love and trust and working through the icky parts of distance, mood swings, emotional *** for tat retaliations (you are treating me bad, I treat you bad, you are ignoring me, I might cheat on you)..
But even in all that ugly, to put a probation, in the form of days.. outloud, to another person.. makes it sound a lot less than love. It puts pressure on, and even if one agrees to such an arrangment, actions and feelings are likely to be displayed in a less than natural status.. what if he does awesome and makes you feel like a princess for 6months... then 7 months in he becomes a jerk? Would you be stuck because your agreement was if he was good for 6 months you'd stay?
Do you see why putting a specific span of time can lead to unecessary pressure, not to mention.. may not make the slightest improvement that isn't just on the surface?
Its good to work it out if you feel for him, if you believe he feels for you.. then its worth it. But love is not all peaches and cream. it should be, however, more good than bad, more happy than sad.
Why not give it some time, but not express that in a verbal contract sounding context, and instead, just to yourself watch and feel for how things are day in day out. Don't just see your side, see his also... take a look at things you could do to make him happier, tell him the things it would take to make you happier... put your expectations in check, as yourself how realistic they are but don't bend on the important stuff like respect.
But even in all that ugly, to put a probation, in the form of days.. outloud, to another person.. makes it sound a lot less than love. It puts pressure on, and even if one agrees to such an arrangment, actions and feelings are likely to be displayed in a less than natural status.. what if he does awesome and makes you feel like a princess for 6months... then 7 months in he becomes a jerk? Would you be stuck because your agreement was if he was good for 6 months you'd stay?
Do you see why putting a specific span of time can lead to unecessary pressure, not to mention.. may not make the slightest improvement that isn't just on the surface?
Its good to work it out if you feel for him, if you believe he feels for you.. then its worth it. But love is not all peaches and cream. it should be, however, more good than bad, more happy than sad.
Why not give it some time, but not express that in a verbal contract sounding context, and instead, just to yourself watch and feel for how things are day in day out. Don't just see your side, see his also... take a look at things you could do to make him happier, tell him the things it would take to make you happier... put your expectations in check, as yourself how realistic they are but don't bend on the important stuff like respect.
Get The Newsletter
Comment