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am i doing the right thing?

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  • am i doing the right thing?

    okay so i broke up with my boydriend of 3 years a bit over a week ago.
    the night i broke up with him , i met this amazing guy. ever since we met we have been going out on dates. last night however , i went to his house to watch movies and we were making out but i felt awkward so i had to imagine i was kissing my ex to get comfortable. i didnt
    sleep with him and have no plan to at this stage.
    however my dillema is that i am still in love with my ex and am still in the stage of trying to cope day to day without having him in my life.
    my ex texted me today informing me that he is in hospital and is having an operation and that he is going to call me when he is out. ever since i heard that i have been so emotional.
    this new guy , is so nice and is such a gentlemen and i feel like we could really hit it off if i could just get my ex out of my head. my ex was no good to me, i can see that now. but i feel guilt , like i should be there for him. i love him but i know he is not good for me. he plays mental games with me, to the point that i had myself questioning my own sanity.
    the new guy asked me out on another date. this will be the 5th time i have seen him since i met him. i have never been treated this way before by a men.
    i feel so awkward when i am intimite with this guy as i have only ever been with my ex.
    i want to keep seeing this guy but i don't want to hurt him.. i have told him that i am not ready for a relationship yet and he said that is fine as he still wants to get to know me. i have introduced him to all of my mates, they like him, they hated my ex. i like him but i don't want to hurt him..

  • Since you are on the rebound from your ex, you are not thinking everything through straight. I'm sure your new guy is being great now and he may be a completely great person. But you are still on the rebound. Let him know that you are on the rebound if you haven't told him yet and slow down on the dating. He needs to understand that you have to have everything worked through if he is interested in a long term relationship with you. Otherwise, when you fight in the future you may accuse him of taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • i have not told him that the break up was so soon. he does not bring it up and im trying to forget about it. my friends think i should continue seeing him as he is a good distraction from my ex but everytime he texts me i go back to regretting breaking up with him. i know i will never be happy with my ex so i just have to continue through this pain. i do just want to have fun , i don't want to be attached to anyone.. my head and heart is all over the place. i have been keeping myself busy, seeing friends , my house is soo clean lol. this new guy gives me that fun , sex with a random has never interested me though and i don''t think it ever will. its like my ex contacts me every few days to see if he could have me. my ex has no idea i have already started dating someone else. i don't want to hurt him so im not going to tell him. i don't want my ex but i still love him, i just feel like i have lost my bestfriend. its hard but i know i need to move on. maybe this new guy will help me do that?!


      • I think you need to be honest with this guy about where you're at emotionally. He may be fun and a good distraction for you as your friends mentioned, but you need to take his feelings into consideration too. At this point, he has no idea that you're still getting over your ex and still have feelings for him. He doesn't know that your only looking for fun, not a serious relationship. That isn't fair to him, and if he gets attached to you, finding out later that you were only dating him to distract yourself from the pain of your breakup - he's going to feel unbelievably used. As he should..

        As for the ex boyfriend situation, if you know it's not going to work out and you want to get over him, you need to point blank tell him to stop texting you like you're still dating or BFF's. You should also be honest with him that you're dating someone. It seems he's trying to get back with you, and he also is completely in the dark that you're serious about moving on. That's going to hurt a lot less than finding out through someone else that you're dating someone (and you know they always do).

        Just be honest, be upfront with the people in your life about what your intentions are, and what you want. Because if you aren't, they are going to feel like you lied to them by omission.


        • Cut all contact with your ex, he's a manipulative son of a b**&^**.
          "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]



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