[Amber]

I'm just curious what other woman thought about this.

I'm on a dating website. I have been there for a while now. This guy winks at me. I emailed him back and we have been talking for about four days now. He is the kind of guy who sends two or three emails to my one. A little impatient but I'll put that aside for now.

So on day three, he gives me his phone number and ask me if I would like to text with him. I'm thinking, really? We have been emailing each other back and forth and he gives me his phone number to text. Not to talk to him on the phone that night but to text.

At this stage of the game, I find texting to be rather impersonal. I mean I can see using it during the day to shoot someone one message, some one who can't talk. But on a dating website, I would think a guy I have never met before would give me his phone number for me to call him and talk, not to have a conversation by texting.

I told him that I find texting pointless, unless it is necessary. And left it at that. So instead of saying, well call me, he says ok, we can continue to email. Really? lol

Do women want the guy to make the first move to suggest the call or to ask you out on a date? While I don't want a man to control me, I would like if he initiates to courting. I know the word courting is old fashion but maybe then I will say the dating.

I know I can be the one who says, well then call me, but do I really need to? Are guys that clueless? Has our generation gotten so bad that you forget that an IPhone is capable to be an actual phone? lol

Maybe I'm being hard on the guy but I just don't feel so attracted to a guy who can't even take a little action. I have been on this dating website for close to a year now and all of the guys I have encountered, not one of them has been this clueless. And this guy has been at the game for four months.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Amber, 4 months is not long for a guy to be on a dating site.

In, addition, men get rejected 10 fold.. They are lucky to get one hit, that being someone that is prepared to converse with them. That's apparent with this guy as he's emailing you 3 to 1. Too eager for my liking, a desperation of sorts.

Feeling, frazzled, nervous he tries to take the next step, texting, then it would be phone, then a date. He is frightened of rejection, probably had it 100 times in those 4 months clicking on everyone that takes his fancy

He's not one in my opinion after sex, or he'd be using the "Carisma" from those emails back and forth to ask you out for dinner there and then, that night, "we seem to click" attitude.

It's just fear. It's not easy trying to find a match over the Internet.

Don't judge a book by its cover either. Look at those emails and ascertain if you felt alive, some spark, some commonality. If nothing, then just state I don't think we are suited but I wish you well and let him keep trying. If you feel there was a spark or some commonality, meet him in person and then make your decisions, thought of him.

[jns]

I think biologically there is an underlying desire for women to have the men pursue them. This is really no different than in much of the animal kingdom. Maybe today's society is breeding and socializing this out of the men. I made first contact while on vacation in Thailand in 1988. My Thai wife made it clear to me that she was interested by mailing me a letter (second contact).

[Amber]

CW, in his emails, he answers the questions but they are very boring. There are definitely no sparks there to start a fire with this guy. No, there is no excitement here what so ever. Part of the reason why I'm being such a pain and I'm not giving him any slack here. I could easy have said how about I call you instead but I have no desire to.

The reason why I haven't told him to get lost yet was because I was trying to "behave." Trying to give him a chance. But I really can't take it anymore with this guy. lol

So I'll bet money this is what happens next. I tell him I'm sorry, I just don't think it would work between us in so many nice words. 99 percent of the guys come back at this by saying how do you know it won't work. You haven't even met me yet. Or starts to be obscene or insult me. Shows the maturity of some of these grown men! I know it is because they hurt to be rejected but do they need to be so nasty about it when I was really nice in the get lost message? Especially since we have never even met before. Most men will just stop emailing, leaving me to guess. At least I don't leave them hanging.

I have a first date with a guy early next week. And another one I'm emailing that is actually causing a spark or two. I just may not be active enough for that guy. We will have to see.

It is crazy. It was very dead around that dating website for a bit. Now a bunch are coming out of the wood works. This happens from time to time. It is either quiet or insane.

[Amber]

I think biologically there is an underlying desire for women to have the men pursue them. This is really no different than in much of the animal kingdom. Maybe today's society is breeding and socializing this out of the men. I made first contact while on vacation in Thailand in 1988. My Thai wife made it clear to me that she was interested by mailing me a letter (second contact).

Jns, so you met your wife in Thailand on vacation? What was your first move? I'm curious.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Don't put yourself down Amber. We are all beautiful and remember, the inner beauty is what it's about in any event, if a guy does not take the time out to find that out, he wasn't there for the right reasons to start with.

I appreciate at least you don't keep them hanging, but I would say this, if someone asked me to text them... "You know I can tell you are not a creep but it's not wise to give out my phone number on a dating site"... You could get any creep ringing you, texting you at 1am in the morning calling you all sorts of names Also, " I take my time to get to know someone, before I take any steps, feel free to keep emailing me if you want, then we can see if there is anything there or not" .. They usually nick off with that comment or if they really want to get to know you they will change their way of writing

[jns]

JNS, so you met your wife in Thailand on vacation? What was your first move? I'm curious.

Trying to communicate, since I spoke almost no Thai and she spoke no English. But, with a little help from her friends who spoke only a few words of English, I was able to give her my address in the USA. A Thai friend from work translated the letters in both directions.

[Amber]

Trying to communicate, since I spoke almost no Thai and she spoke no English. But, with a little help from her friends who spoke only a few words of English, I was able to give her my address in the USA. A Thai friend from work translated the letters in both directions.

Jns, that's pretty cool. So you just get a letter in the mail one day? How long did it take her before she contacted you? And did you end up learning Thai first or did she learn English first?

[Amber]

CW, I don't think this guy had it in him to change his writing. And it was driving me a little crazy on how much he was emailing. I haven't even met this guy yet! I emailed him around noon yesterday, he replied back about a half of an hour later. I hadn't answered that email, so he emailed me again two hours later. And then about midnight last night, he asked if I was online and what's up. It was like a "I haven't heard from you yet. What's wrong," type of email. Wow, really??!!

[jns]

Jns, that's pretty cool. So you just get a letter in the mail one day? How long did it take her before she contacted you? And did you end up learning Thai first or did she learn English first?

About a month after I got back. I learned Thai first for the most part, but we learned at the same time but not from teaching each other. I can speak more Thai than she can English, but she is still learning through interactions with others. We communicate together in a hybrid language.